Having Children: Does It Help Or Put Pressure On Your Relationship?

When you meet the one, those early times of your relationship are wonderful and carefree. You can please yourselves and do what you want, when you want. You can both be incredibly selfish and my goodness it is wonderful! Totally loved up and just each other to worry about. What could possibly go wrong?

Children can either help and improve your relationship, or they can send it on a road to disaster. I have in truth lived through both in two marriages.

In my first marriage, we had three children in the space of three and half years. It took quite a while for me first to conceive, and unfortunately we had a miscarriage. It then became an obsession to have a child, which also took a long time. The pressure on the relationship was immense and just before she found out she was pregnant with my eldest child, I had all, but left the relationship. Of course with becoming a father I felt for all the wrong reasons which I realise now to stay in a toxic relationship, but for all of that we went on to have two more children.

This didn’t help the relationship. It made it worse, emotionally, financially and living a very toxic life took it’s toll. I realised I needed to leave, both for my sanity and health. At the time my son was just four years old, but it was the right reason. I believed that then and I still know it was exactly the right decision all these years later.

Children didn’t bring us closer. It pushed us even further apart, but as I have already said, the relationship was toxic and doomed. In a nutshell I wasn’t with the one, but I guess I always knew that deep down. I remember confiding in my mother on my wedding day that I think I’d made a mistake, but I didn’t have the courage to stop it. For all of that I have three wonderful children from that marriage.

Fast forward a few years and I meet what I would call the, THE ONE! It was a difficult relationship initially, but that wasn’t because we doubted each other, it’s because there is an age gap and many people considered it okay to interfere with our relationship. They tried everything in their power, and I mean everything to break us up. Guess what? They didn’t manage it and we are still together 12 years later and we have five year old twin girls.

When you have twins who are six week premature this could so easily break your relationship. The pressure of a neo-natal unit especially when you are miles from home and living in the hospital is immense.

It made us, I believe stronger as a couple because we had endured so much in the early days of our girls lives. We only had each other for support and our love grew for each other.

The twins, as I have said are now five years old, and we have a home of laughter and joy. They also have three older siblings which makes for a very happy situation.

My wife and I are equal in every way. We have the same parenting values and know how we want the girls to grow up. We all laugh and joke constantly. They have helped and enhanced our relationship to a completely higher level of respect for each other.

The thing is, I believe is I’m with THE ONE! Having children together just makes us as a totally complete relationship. In perfect harmony together wanting the same things for all of us which I might add includes my older children, who are also a very important part of our lives.

When I experienced the mess that my first marriage was. It has helped me appreciate the most wonderful marriage I have with my wife now.

Have children helped your marriage or not? I would love to know your thoughts.

14 thoughts on “Having Children: Does It Help Or Put Pressure On Your Relationship?

  1. I actually fell pregnant unexpectedly and rather quickly sorry here’s been a lot of questions from others about whether my partner and I should be together. We make a good team, we make each other smile and he is my better half, for sure. Having Harry has definitely helped define our relationship, I believe it has made us unbreakable, time will tell… all I know is I am happy and our little boy is part of that story. #thatfridaylinky

  2. I think having children put a HUGE pressure on both of my marriages, the first due to loss and us not being able to find a way forward from our heartache, and the second due to having three babies in two years! I think we were just so tired and our lives were so busy that we lost “us” for a little while, but the main thing is that once we got through that time I knew we would survive anything. You and Emily are just the sweetest by the way. xx #thatfridaylinky

  3. Hi having children certainly does change a relationship but can hopefully make for a stronger relationship if you are with the right person #ThatFridayLinky

  4. I think I can honestly saw that it hasn’t been good for us in that respect. My daughter is the center of my world and I think sometimes my wife resents that. I also think that she resents the sacrifices that she needs to make to be a mom again after already raising a daughter on her own. I’m sure it’s different for everybody

  5. Having kids is the single most wonderful, difficult, expensive, stressful, magical thing in the world. Every relationship changes as we all morph into more! It has too. SOmetimes change is good, and sometimes it is really hard. Either way, having kids is the best thing that has ever happened in my life, and doing it with the one I love, PRICELESS! xoxo #thatFridayLinky

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