So in a few days time I will be attending my first ever blogging conference,. For many this may not seem like a big deal. For me it’s huge and the reason why is simple. I have never been a particularly confident person which in a large part is due to my childhood. If you get told you are useless enough times, well the truth of the matter is you start to believe it. Basically you stop trying for fear of being told again you are no good.
Of course at some point once you grow up and become an adult, and start to live your life you can build your self esteem and confidence, but there is no doubt that childhood experiences leave there mark.
I have always been that person sitting in the shadows. Well not quite like that, that actually sounds sinister, as though I’m waiting to jump out on someone. Haha!
I would happily make up the background in a photo. I would stand in a crowd doing my best to be as anonymous as possible and hopefully nobody would talk to me, because they would either get an impression of a mute or somebody that has verbal diarrhoea, either way I would usually walk away saying to myself what are you like you idiot, why did I just say that? It would always be annoyance with myself that I couldn’t be more confident and say the right things.
Over the years I have definitely improved with a little bit of self belief, but it will always be a struggle. Then I started a blog and it was a wonderful hobby for me because behind a laptop or phone I could be confident and self assured because if anybody was reading it they weren’t in front of me so I didn’t need to get nervous, I could be myself and it felt very good.
For whatever reason and I have absolutely no reason why my blog has lasted just over a couple of years, and gained readership which I will be eternally grateful for, but it left me with a big dilemma. Has the time come for me to step out from behind my blog? I guess it is.
So this weekend I am going to my first ever blogging conference, BlogOn MSI, and I am incredibly nervous. I would like to say it’s nervous excitement but it’s not, it’s pure nerves and anxiety, meeting people who’s blogs I have read and loved, and people who have read my blog and said such kind words about it.
I guess what I’m really saying is I can be a private person which is something I have learnt is easy to do online. It’s also all about your comfort zones. Mine is simple, it’s my home, my wife and children everything that is familiar to me. My wife, Emily, will tell you when we are going away on holidays, I am a nervous wreck for days before we go, because I’m being taken out of my comfort zone. It’s really that simple. Of course, the one person that helps give me confidence and self belief is not going to be there my wife Emily. My ROCK ! This one is going to be solo flying.
My blog has given me my voice, it’s shown me that I can be confident, and it’s given me little bit of self belief.
Now the time has come for me to move onto the next level of the blogging world which is a conference.