Why Is It I Don’t Give My Mum A Hug Or Kiss?

October 16, 2017

I am by nature a loving person, and have never had a problem giving my wife or children a hug and a kiss. Truth be told I’m quite often looking for an excuse to do exactly that. I don’t need encouraging that’s for sure!

Growing up, as I have often written about was a home, although it is difficult to call it a home. It was more of a house if I’m honest. The truth is, it lacked love and any family feel whatsoever. I wonder if that has impacted on my inability to hug or give my mum a kiss for no reason other than to show how much I care.

I will say I love my mum and as she has now entered the twilight years of her life on many days I wonder how I am going to feel when she eventually passes away. Not something I like to think about too much if l’m honest.

As a child I genuinely don’t remember having a kiss or a hug from my mum. I don’t really know the reason why, but there is no doubt I always felt an inconvenience to my mum because she always seemed to be going out partying. This consequently led me to being brought up mostly by my nana, which incidentally I remember being hugged and kissed by my nana all the time.

On reflection, I know my mother loves me, but she was for whatever reason incapable of showing it when I was a child. That in part comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family.

The dysfunctional upbringing I had left its mark on me. Thankfully it has not showed it’s way as far as my own children are concerned. Showing them love by either saying I love you or a hug, or kiss has never been a problem, but I struggle to show my mum the same sort of affection.

I don’t think any less of mum. She was what she was when I was growing up. I don’t hold a grudge, and yes I do love her, but I can’t and probably never will show her love with a hug or a kiss.

The other day my wife gave my mum a hug as she was leaving my house and apparently my mum said, “Oh thank you for the hug, that’s made my day.”

My wife said you should hug your mum more. I didn’t explain why, but it’s my childhood rearing it’s ugly head.

6 Comments

  • Alan Hooper

    October 16, 2017 at 7:37 am

    I’ve noticed that since my Father died 2 years ago I go out of my way to give my Mum a big hug. It’s something that I think she will miss. However I never really knew how to show my affection towards my Father after I hit the age of 12. Which I hope my daughters continue to be as cuddly when the grow older.

  • The Mummy Bubble

    October 17, 2017 at 6:41 am

    How sad to have grown up in a house with such a lack of affection, it’s so great that you are the total opposite with your own kids. I can totally understand why you would find it hard to express love towards your mum. I think your relationship would have to go a long way before you felt able to express any kind of love towards her. Such an honest post, thanks for sharing it x #triumphanttales

  • John Adams

    October 17, 2017 at 7:06 am

    All depends on your upbringing I guess. I can’t say I was starved of affection growing up, but my mum and stepdad never went in for public displays of affection. I would feel more comfortable now hugging my mum, but 15 years ago it wouldn’t have happened.

  • jeremy@thirstydaddy

    October 18, 2017 at 4:24 am

    I don’t hug or kiss my parents either, or my wife very much, truth be told. Not sure why that is, but I guess everyone is different.

  • Lisa Pomerantz

    October 22, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    I totally get this, Nige. By the time I was in my teens, my mom was so germ-phobic, I got air kisses or was pushed away. Pretty sad. I learned exactly how not to behave around my kids, who I love openly and freely. Germs and all! <3 #triumphanttales xoxo

  • Jaki

    October 29, 2017 at 11:41 am

    It’s much the same with my Dad and his Mum. It wasn’t that kind of family which is a shame. You have your reasons and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Apologies for the late comment, holidays got in the way, better late than never! Thanks for linking up to #TriumphantTales, hope to see you on Tuesday!

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