How accepting will you be of your children’s choices

When I was growing up I think my mother expected me to conform to what is considered the “norm”. That being a heterosexual male mean getting married and having children. As it happens that’s how I turned out.

So my mother didn’t have to accept any different choices I may have had about my life. If I had decided that I wanted a different path in life because of her generation she would no doubt have struggled to accept it, that is if in fact she accepted it at all.

Society has moved on and we accept so many different lifestyles now, but my question is if your children grow up to choose a path that is not what is considered the “norm” how would you deal with it because I know we all say that’s fine about other people, but when it comes to our own, our own feelings may change when it’s one of our own children.
Society has moved on, being gay is no longer an issue. It’s considered as normal as a straight relationship and finally has as many rights.
Mixed race relationships are now more common and society has now accepted that you don’t have to come from the same cultural and race backgrounds to be together, but there was a time when for instance if you saw a black man and a white woman that it had numerous second glances.
Age gap relationships are now more common place and it’s nothing new to have a 20 year age gap or more, but there are many people out there that oppose it.
Transgenderism is now becoming more acceptable to society. I would imagine this has been helped by the coming out of a few major celebrities.
There are many other ways that people choose to live their lives and this must be everyone’s right.
All of these examples as little as 30 years ago would not have been accepted by people, but thankfully we have moved on. However, how much of the previous generations attitude has been passed on to the parents of today’s children?
The question I’m asking is simple. If your son or daughter comes home one day and says I’m gay, transgender, I’m in love but there’s a 25 years age gap or mum, dad meet my new boyfriend and in walks a Jamaican man or a white woman walks what would you do? What would you say? Because in that very small window of your life it could define your lifelong relationship with your child. Would you be shocked? Would you reject them? All of these questions plus many more could easily race through your mind.
The dilemma is now this is your child and do you have stereotypical ideas of how your children should live their lives this is not Johnny or Mary that live up the street so they’re somebody’s else’s problem. This is your child.
That’s the moment that should define you as a parent. After years of nurturing, helping and bringing up your children your judgement or non judgement is vital. Should you accept their decisions then the chances are you have brought your children up without any predjuices for them to be true to themselves and be happy with their choices, but should you reject their choices then there is every chance they will reject you as a parent and a wall will be built between you and them and it most likely won’t be pulled down.
I believe when your children are born there is an unconditional love for them and once they reach a certain age they will make their choices whether you think they’re right or wrong it’s their choice and they deserve your support and love not disappointment and crictism. To respect their decisions about the way they want to live their lives.
The biggest shame is there is still so much inherited attitudes about how people should conform to the “norm”. In today’s world everybody’s choice of how they wish to live their lives should be considered normal. Although I wonder if the human race is ready to accept people’s choices.
I would love to hear your views.

50 thoughts on “How accepting will you be of your children’s choices

  1. I would accept their decisions. When I talk to them about marriage, having kids, etc., I say that "one day, you *might* marry a woman/man…" or something of that nature. I try not to speak in terms of what's "normal" or what I expect. There might be a period of adjustment for me, simply because I grew up with stereotypical expectations. But I would be very accepting.

  2. I would accept it. It's so not worth the pressure on your children and losing them because of something so crazy. I want my daughter to be happy and if she's gay or transgender I would support her. Great post xx thanks for hosting

  3. Happy and healthy was the goal before she was born and is still the goal now. Hard to not let your "opinions" about tough subjects get in the way. Trying the best I can.

  4. My parent have always supported every decision my siblings and I have made. For me and my daughter I will always support her: I know that she will still be my daughter whether she is gay, wants an older partner, wants to be a different gender. My love for my daughter will never change and at the end of the day if she is happy what more could a parent want for their child. Her happiness is what is most important! Great blog post! #BinkyLinky

  5. I will absolutely support my kids whatever path they choose, I would never try and force them to be something they are not or do something that they don't want to. I know how it feels and I don't want to be resented. Another great post to get me thinking Nigel! Thanks for hosting #binkylinky

  6. Well Nigel, you have older kids so you've probably faced this a few times already. It's gonna happen, my kids are going to do something I don't like but I'd like to think I am liberal and open minded enough to deal with most scenarios! There was enough turbulence in my early life for me to have been around the block a few times. Who knows, maybe I can't be shocked! Only time will tell. Thanks for hosting #BinkyLinky

    1. Like you I had an interesting childhood putting it mildly but it has prepared me well for parenthood not easily shocked if at all like yourself thanks for commenting

  7. I think at this point I'd be more worried about a large age difference than I would about her bringing home another girl or someone of a different race, but that's based on my own experiences. I want my little girl to be happy, and would never stand in the way of something that makes her so.

  8. I love my daughter no matter what.

    There are other choices that can be hard to deal with too. My daughter wears all black and wants a piercing among other things. Her dad, although he loves her, has a hard time with this sometimes. Nothing that he would say to her, but in private he expresses his shock and confusion at her choices. At our family Christmas gathering a few years ago, her cousin asked, "what happened to you?" It was hurtful and offensive to my daughter. Not everyone accepts her choices but I encourage her to be herself.

  9. So long as my boy is happy then I would be happy. He can be gay, straight, transgender, marry whomever he chooses, so long as he's happy that's all that matters. As long as he doesn't forget his Mumma! 😄

  10. Great post and very thought provoking. I love the fact that our generation is so much more understanding and open minded. All I want is for my children to be happy and if they were in the wrong relationship because they wanted to conform then that is all wrong. I only wish for my children to wake up with smiles on their faces and I will support their every decision in this – it's not my life now it is theirs. Thanks for a great read #BigPinkLink

    1. I agree our generation is more understanding but has a long way to go as a society that accepts people's choices thanks for commenting

  11. What a very thought provoking post!! My mum is mixed race, so she and her brothers and sisters knew what it was like to grow up with discrimination surrounding mixed raced marriages, and I always felt the impact this had had on them all. Clearly, there would never be any prejudice there from me if I were to find my boys in that position!! I would certainly support any other different choices they choose to make too, because I love them so much, and I always want them in my life, and because I don't feel strongly about any of the alternative life choices! The only worry I would have is that although there is a much wider acceptance of being gay/transgender nowadays, there are still hate crimes for people who choose this way of life-I think there would always be a part of me worried that the boys could be a victim of this if this was the path they chose. You've certainly made me think this evening!

  12. Love this! I honestly would accept my children for whoever they are and I am grateful that we live in a society that is, in the main accepting of others. Thanks so much for linking up to #thelist x

  13. I think it's great that society is becoming more open-minded when it comes to accepting people who don't conform to the 'norm'. I wouldn't have any problem with my daughter being gay or transgender, and I especially wouldn't mind a mixed marriage given that she's the product of one! (I'm white and my husband is Puerto Rican.) Unconditional love means accepting your child for who they are no matter what. #StayClassy

  14. As squirmy Popple has said above me and also said to me in a Twitter chat good parenting involves acceptance. I truly feel my love is unconditional for my son (plus my own parents and siblings) and therefore I would accept any choice he made and want him to be happy. I have grown up with a very happy and open family and always felt my parents would accept and support every choice I made, I hope I create the same feeling in my own family. I have watched a few documentaries about transgender children recently and I think it is difficult for the family but I would want my son to be happy no matter what!! #StayClassy

  15. What a thought-provoking post! My parents were both very open-minded growing up so I am similar and believe that if my son wanted to marry another race, be transgender, be with someone 25 years older than him I would accept his choice. You only live once so why would you live it by pretending to be someone else? It might be tough because there are some people that are still very judgmental but it's worth the fight to be who you are and I would help my son as much as I possibly could. : ) What do you think about it? Thanks for sharing with #StayClassy!

  16. Thank you for your kind words to be honest I had a incredibly turbulent childhood so I think I am almost impossible to shock and wouldn't want to lose any of children of a life choice which is theirs. No brainer for me accept whatever the decision love your linky by the way

  17. I do think the most important responsibility we have as parents is to accept our children for who they are. I would love to be the Mum our kids come to to talk to about anything. I hope they won't fear my views on something they're doing and stay away. That would be awful!

  18. This is a great, challenging and thought provoking post. I was separated from my parents for a lot of years, and I know how difficult that was at times. I think for me the singular most important thing is to be there for my children, and for them to let me be there to support them. Whatever their choices and whatever path they chose, I just want to be part of it and I trust that this will keep me open minded and accepting enough to respect and embrace whatever their futures hold for them. Great post. Thanks for sharing with #fartglitter.

    1. That's exactly how I feel about it being open minded is vital because we never know what's around the corner thank you for your kind words and commenting

  19. This is a great post and really makes you think. I will always be accepting of my little girl whatever choices she makes and i hope when she is older she understands and accepts the ones i made for her too. Thanks for linking to #stayclassy

  20. I hope Nigel that I will be accepting of their choices, although I am guilty of saying to my son “please not a TOWIE lookalike!” Whatever their choice they are my children and I love them with every fibre of my body so I will support them even if I question it. Thanks for joining us again. #TweensTeensBeyond

  21. I think that acceptance comes down to the individual, I like to think I’m very open minded but I know and am related to people who’s close mindedness shocks me. Although things are becoming the ‘norm’ as you put it we are still a long way off this being the case. As long as those who oppose equality exist it will sadly still be for some difficult to come out as gay or to tell some people that they are dating someone of a different race. We can only hope that this will end soon. #TweensTeensBeyond

  22. Fabulous post and very considered as always Nige. The million dollar question and who knows what may come our way. Open hearts and open minds is the only option here. Thanks for joining us #tweensteensbeyond

  23. This is a FAB post! Both my brothers are gay & my family are staunch allies of the LGBTQ community. When one of my brothers and his husband adopted a baby, I wrote a baby-book (record book of baby’s first year) for them because I couldn’t find a non-heteronormative book on the market. When I began selling the book, I was talking about it with a friend. She told me that she was totally fine with the idea of my brothers being gay but she truly didn’t think she’d be okay with it if her kids came out to her. I know how much she loves her children and have to hope that she would find acceptance within herself.

    As Nicky Kentisbeer commented- Open hearts and open minds. This is how I choose to live because really, who the hell am I to judge anyone else!

    Really great read. Thank you! Sharing…

  24. I’m trying to answer that question honestly and I really don’t know. As of now I think yes of course I will accept my children, no matter what their choices are. But it will be hard, really really hard. I just hope I am able to do so if/when the time comes. #TweensTeensBeyond

  25. Now that is a very good question. I would like to think that I would be accepting but your post has really made me think and you raise some important points. As you say, I was brought up by people whose opinions were formed in the post-war era so I wonder how much of that is still lurking inside me. The bottom line is that I want my kids to be happy and if their choices have made them happy then that will be good enough for me. Thanks so much for sharing with us at #TweensTeensBeyond

  26. my parents had set expectations of me that i would get good qualifications and a good job, uni was not something they expected of me and that by having a good job i would meet a man who could provide for me and i would then give up work to raise the family. i didn’t rebel, i just did my own thing, they butted in when i did things that would show them up, it wasn’t about how things affected me, but how it affected them. The only time i’d interviene in my children’s lives (they are all adults now) would be if i thought they were being taken advantage of, or if i saw a negative change in their behaviour and interactions that could be cause for concern in a relationship regardless of who it was with. #TweensTeensBeyond

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