When I go to bed at night I am usually awake for about 30 minutes, and this is when I have thoughts of fear and worry that something will happen to my children.
As I have got older my thoughts always stray to bad things happening to my children, and it has definitely got worse the older I have got. It seems crazy, but I get myself into a state of total worry.
My twin girls are six years old, and are now very independent. When I pick them up from school they no longer walk by my side, instead they tend to run off ahead of you onto the pavement. Of course, this is perfectly fine, but I can’t help but visualise a car reversing out of a driveway the minute they run past a driveway.
If they go on a school trip, I live in fear that they will be ok and nothing will happen to them. I think this way until they have returned to the safety of the school grounds. If I’m honest when they are not with us I panic in my head that something may happen to them.
I have to check every night before I go to bed to make sure they are ok, and still breathing or I can’t go to sleep.
My 19 year old son is going on a holiday this month abroad with his friends, and I’m sure it will be a typical lads holiday with lots of drinking and partying which of course is totally normal for somebody of his age, going out and enjoying himself etc, which at some point will mean going on a lads holiday.
What doesn’t help me with my worrying is when you hear of a young lad getting hurt or beaten up on holidays or falling from a balcony at the hotel. In fact I have already seen that two lads have fallen from balconies resulting in their deaths.
I can of course tell my son to be careful, don’t take any risks etc etc, but if I’m honest it falls on deaf ears. He is 19 years old and indestructible, or at least he thinks he is.
My daughter who is nearly 21 years old has just about finished university and will be a qualified nurse with the world at her feet. She will be starting work full-time soon in her hometown hospital.
Recently she bought her first car, and although it’s been three years since she passed her test, I recently took the car two hundred miles to where she lives, where she is completing the final part of her university degree.
Worry just doesn’t do it justice when I think about her driving around. It’s not that she is a bad driver, I actually think she is a good driver, but I worry about the other drivers on the road.
She is planning on driving home for her 21st birthday which is motorway driving all the way, and I know that she will be able to do it, but the worry and stress it will give me until she is home will be at a very high level.
Worrying about your children whether they are six years old or 23 years old as they are in my case, gets worse and the fear that something will happen just seems to deepen as I get older. I am so often awake to the early hours worried that they are ok.
A little note to my older children. When I ask you to text me that you have arrived safely to wherever you are going, please humour me and DO IT! Because your old dad is just concerned and worried and can’t sleep properly till I know you are ok.
Do you always worry about your children like me? I would love to hear.