What to Do About a Violent Child

If your child is violent or aggressive, it can feel stressful and heartbreaking for you as a parent. 

There are some situations where a parent could know where violent or aggressive tendencies stem from. For example, maybe a child was part of a violent home for a period of time. In other cases, you may have no idea why your child is exhibiting violent behaviours. 

The following are some things to know if you’re worried about your child’s level of aggression or violence. 

Causes of Violence in Children

There may be an unidentified underlying issue in a violent child. Along with violent exposure, issues can be neglectful parenting, or emotional stress, or trauma. Children can be influenced by stress such as divorce, single parenting or poverty. Many parents don’t realize how much these things can affect children.

If your child is the victim of bullying, it can actually make them more likely to be violent themselves. 

There is some evidence of genetic links that predispose a child to violence, and watching violent media content can influence a child’s behaviour. 

Mental health conditions, including bipolar disorder, anxiety, ADD, and ADHD can also lead to angry outbursts. 

If there’s an underlying issue that you can identify, it can help you work toward dealing with the problem of the violence more effectively. 

What to Do First

The first step you should take if you realise your child is exhibiting aggressive or violent behaviours should be arranging an evaluation from a mental health professional. Too often, parents and even educators will minimise violent behaviours. 

They might not initially seem like a big deal, or they can be brushed off as a kid just being a kid. This is not the right approach. 

A mental health professional providing early intervention and treatment can help your child significantly. 

The goal of professional treatment is usually to help a child learn how to control their anger and express their frustration in healthy ways. Therapy can also help a child learn how to be responsible for their actions and accept consequences that may occur. 

If there are specific problems at home or school, these can also be addressed in therapy. 

If you aren’t sure if your child is going through something normal or something more, one of the divisions between the two is if your child’s anger is being noticed and reported on by others. 

Children are only human and experience a range of strong emotions, including anger. 

However, if you get a complaint from someone else, such as someone from your child’s school, then that may indicate something more is going on. 

Stay Calm

As a parent, when your child is exhibiting problematic behavior, you may feel the stress and the emotions too. 

It’s so important, however, that you don’t meet high emotions with similarly extreme or elevated emotions.

Your child needs to see you modelling emotional regulation. Otherwise, if your emotions are heightened, it could only escalate the situation with your child. 

Help Your Child Build a Toolbox

Children begin their lives with an empty toolbox. Our toolbox is what we turn to as a way to manage and cope with our emotions and the things happening in our lives. Your child will fill their toolbox as they work through different situations in their life. 

You can help your child build their toolbox. One way to do this is by talking through different strategies to handle angry emotions and letting your child start to find what works for them. 

Another way to help with the building of the toolbox is to model good coping mechanisms in your own behaviour. 

Be Firm and Consistent

As a parent of a child who might be struggling with anger, you have to promise yourself you will be firm and consistent in limits and how you deal with certain situations. You shouldn’t brush over or condone your child’s outbursts. 

You should have rules and stick with them. 

With that being said, avoid using spanking as a means of discipline. Spanking can show a child that when you’re upset or someone does something you don’t like, you hit them. This is the opposite idea of what you want to be reinforcing to your child.

Finally, work with your child to help them find a creative outlet to blow off steam when they need it. Maybe they get into art, take a walk, or practice martial arts as ways of dealing with their strong emotions.