9 Questions to Ask Yourself to See if Your Relationship Is Worth Pursuing: Should You Stay or Should You Go?

So many wonderful things come out of love and relationships. Partners have the ability to bring out the best (and the worst) in each other. Joy, happiness, fulfillment and growth are some great things relationships bring, but if you’re missing some of these benefits  and considering whether or not to stay in your relationship, here are nine questions to help you gain some clarity.

1. Do you share core beliefs and values?

Not being on the same page when it comes to your values is a hard thing to overcome; and even more so when you have children. Here’s a free tool for parents that can help you navigate a split. Constantly arguing about religion, finances and education is hard. You won’t agree on everything, but you don’t want to feel pressured into something you don’t believe.

2. Are you supported?

Both partners should feel supported in a relationship. When things get rough, we need support. When exciting things happen we want congratulations, not sneers of jealousy. If your partner works to help you succeed and shares in the joy with you, think thrice before letting go.

3. Is there mutual respect?

At times relationships can seem a little lopsided. For instance, one partner may be the primary earner while the other manages the house. Both partners need to be respectful and supportive of the other’s role. If anyone feels used, unappreciated or exploited, there is an issue. 

4. Can you be yourself?

Everyone needs to be free to be, explore and reinvent themselves. Life’s about growth, and if you can’t be yourself with your partner, you may be feeling stifled. Lack of autonomy and authenticity can easily be deal breakers.

5. Do you trust your partner?

Whether it’s sexual, financial or emotional, infidelity will place a strain on a relationship. Trust is one of the foundational pillars of relationships, so if trust is an issue, it is no small hurdle.

6. Do you enjoy spending time together?

Sure, you love your partner, but do you like them as a person? If you look forward to being in your partner’s presence, your relationship is likely worth saving. Feeling nurtured and appreciated is always affirming. 

7. Do you share power and influence within the relationship?

Equality is important in a union. No one wants to feel powerless. It makes you feel useless and unvalued. If you feel as though you are being robbed of your autonomy, things aren’t likely to last very long.

8. Is it “we” or is it “me”?

A couple should work as a unit. Decisions should be shared and made for the good of both individuals and the family. Me, myself and I do not make a relationship with two people.

9. Are disagreements handled respectably?

Disagreements are inevitable, but low blows shouldn’t be part of an argument between partners. Name calling, belittling and disrespect have no place in a disagreement between lovers.

Relationships are special things that help tie us together as humans. The death of a relationship is often a tragedy, so if you feel like yours is worth saving, fight for it. And if you discover that it’s unhealthy and draining, don’t force it.