Accepting Your Children Are Adults OMG! It’s Tough

There comes a time when you sit back and in the blink of an eye your children have become adults. It almost gives you a feeling of being redundant as a parent. Yes, you are in the background and there are possibly times when your adult children come to you for advice or help, but sadly those moments are very rare.

Your children are adults and the decisions they make about their lives is theirs. You are no longer consulted or asked if it is the right thing to do. Of course that is the way it should be. We have all become adults and stopped asking our parents for advice, I know I did a very long time ago.

For all of that it’s very tough that you are longer the voice of reason or advice for your children. The one they turn too when it’s difficult to make a decision, because now they may have a partner, husband or wife to turn too for that all important advice. Coming to terms with the fact that your children are adults has been one of the most difficult parenting issues I have come across.

As parents we start with a bundle of joy and then for possibly the next 16-18 years we are involved in every decision they make that will affect their lives. Then it stops. It feels a bit like working for the same company for years and then you are made redundant, surplus to requirements.

For me what it’s really about is letting go and allowing your children to become adults with all that this entails, making their way in the world emotionally, financially and carving out a meaningful purpose to their lives, but that’s something that they must do on their own. Of course if you are needed you are in the shadows if some help is needed.

Letting go is the hardest and toughest part of parenting. They are not leaving you, but it will never be the same as when they were six years old with a total reliance on mum and dad

There is one comparison I have found with the fact that I have six year old twin girls and three grown-up children. It’s something that doesn’t really change no matter how old your children are.

When your children are little as a parent you are their safety net, their comfort blanket to wipe away tears when they fall or somebody has been mean to them you are there to wrap your arms around them and tell them everything will be ok.

This too obviously to a much lesser extent still happens as it has happened to me on a number of occasions. When they are having problems with a relationship or something in work has gone wrong, or they’re short of money and need a loan. As a parent you are still there as a safety net to give them a hug and tell them it can be sorted out and advise the best way forward for them.

Whilst being a parent with all its responsibilities never stops, it just reduces how much they need you. Thankfully all of my grown-up children still come to me when life is not quite how they would like it. I guess we will always be there to help them through life.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Are we always our children’s safety net no matter how old they are?