Brilliant Dad Feature Week 107 

This week our Brilliant Dad Feature is Eoin. He oftens describes himself as a ‘recovering’  journalist, having spent over a decade in newspapers. Needing a change, he took a break to pursue a masters degree and then fatherhood happened. The original plan was for him to be a stay-home dad for six months, but two years on he is still at it and loving every day (mostly). He started the Walking Dad blog to motivate himself to record the stay at home dad experience, there was so much that he didn’t want to forget. With stay-home dads being something of a rarity in Ireland, blogging has introduced him to a global community of like-minded parents. He is learning every day.

Thank you to Eoin for taking part.

1. Have you always wanted to be a dad ?

In all honesty, I’d have say no. I must confess that for too many years I was so wrapped up in my career and my own ambitions to consider fatherhood. I had the usual excuses like ‘who’d want to bring a child into a world like this?’ and similar cop outs, but now realise there were probably more selfish issues at play. Of course, now that I am a dad, my only regret is that we didn’t do it sooner. For years I poured my time and energy into chasing career goals that ultimately proved to be hollow and unrewarding, but now as a stay-at-home dad, every day holds such joys (along with the challenges) that far outstrip anything I achieved in a newsroom.

2. How did you feel when your children were born? 

The first word that springs to mind is ‘exhausted’! The day that Amelia (Mimi) was born is forever seared in my memory as the most exciting, crazy day of my life. We weren’t due for another four weeks so her arrival was something of a surprise. I had been at a sports bootcamp for seven hours that day and was just about ready to crash when my wife Jem returned from the loo saying ‘Um, I think my waters just broke!!’

The midnight drive to the hospital was in record time, and only punctuated with us looking at each other and laughing in disbelief and nervousness. Less than six hours later, I was holding my tiny baby girl in my arms and feeling the most overwhelming sense of contentment and purpose. I knew at that very moment that this was how it was meant to be, all the fear and tiredness had disappeared, leaving only the fiercest love for her and her mum. Even though, at almost three years old, there are days she can drive me up the walls, I can still feel that raw emotion like it was yesterday.

3. What have been the most rewarding experiences been so far? 

Though plenty of my mates think I’m mad for taking on the SAHD life, I know that I’m really lucky to have had this opportunity to be a hands-on father. Each day brings its own unique rewards, especially in the early days. Being there to hear the first words, see the first tentative steps, even celebrate the first use of a potty, has been a privilege for which I’ll always be grateful. Though even that is tinged with a slight sense of guilt that it’s me getting to experience these milestones while Amelia’s mum is off working.

There have been more than a few moments that made my heart swell with paternal pride. But if I had to pick just one it might be the first time she had a proper crash off her tricycle. I know that sounds mad, but it gave me an insight into my girl’s real character. After pedalling furiously down a too-steep slope, she pitched over the handlebars and grazed her chin on the tarmac. Her helmet saved any major damage, but shocked and cut, she refused to let me take her straight home. ‘I want to pedal some more!’ she proclaimed, and climbed back onto the trike to continue the adventure. That’s when I knew that my girl was going to be a force to be reckoned with. Having her mum’s guts and determination, along with my stubbornness, this two-year-old was not going to be anyone’s doormat!

4. What are some of funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?

I try to keep track of the hilarious things she says to me, I’ve got a whole file full of quotes from her. The most recent of those being just this morning: ‘If I eat too much, will I get a baby in my tummy?’ – Jaysus, how do you answer that one without inviting some very awkward follow-up questions??

A stand-out funny event is one that I wasn’t much amused by at the time: On a trip to the park, when Mimi was only just walking, I was letting her stretch her legs on the grass as I wheeled the buggy down the path. Suddenly, as toddlers are wont to do, she changed direction and started running down a verge that led to a path and then a stream. Seeing she was unable to stop herself, I left the buggy and dashed to intercept what might have been a nasty fall at the bottom.

As I congratulated myself on my athletic prowess and quick reactions, Mimi looked over my shoulder and said “The Og-pog!” (Viewers of In the Night Garden will know the reference). I followed her gaze, and was just in time to see her buggy, which I in my hurry hadn’t put the brakes on, roll slowly down the bank and into the stream! I do make a concerted effort not to swear around my kid, but I think I might have slipped just then.

After watching various tubs of apple and packets of baby wipes float off from the semi-submerged buggy, I had the humiliating task of going to find the park keepers and asking them to fish Mimi’s sodden transport from the water. Then I had to carry her the two kilometres home while wheeling the squelching buggy, still not seeing the funny side. I can laugh about it now though, particularly as Mimi hasn’t forgotten, occasionally telling strangers in the shop ‘Dada pushed my buggy into the lake!’ Leaving me to quickly follow up with ‘Well, she wasn’t actually in it at the time.’

5. There been any situations with your children that you found difficult to cope with?

Oh we have certainly had our moments. Amelia is a determined child, there’s no doubt, so when she sets her mind to something she’s happy to argue her case. I’ve certainly had to leave the room more than once when I can feel my own temper getting frayed, but we usually come to some compromise and forget our enmity. Only once did I ring her mum and say ‘I don’t think I can cope’ and y’know, it turned out that I could.

It’s often other people’s attitudes that get my blood boiling more, the people who ask if I’m ‘babysitting’ (Eh no, I helped make this one, so I’ll look after her. I’m parenting, OK?) Or an admittedly well-intentioned mum who will decide to impart nuggets of wisdom that could only be described as ‘stating-the-bleeding-obvious’. Their assumption being that I, as a man, couldn’t possibly know how to feed/change/bathe or generally ensure the survival of a small child. I know other SAHDs go through exactly the same things, and while it can be annoying at the time, it’s small beer compared to the boons of being your child’s primary carer. At least that’s what I tell myself to calm down!

6. What are your dreams and hopes for your children?

While I might daydream of what the future holds for Amelia, that she might be a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, an international athlete, or a famous artist, the chances are that whatever I want her to do for a career, she’ll likely do the exact opposite! And with success comes its own problems and sacrifices, so perhaps wishing her a stellar rise is also wishing some tough times and tougher decisions upon my daughter.

In actuality my ambitions for her are modest but still notable. Of course I want her to be healthy and happy, I want her to be educated and cultured. But most of all I want her to be her own person. In a world where gender bias still ridiculously affects a woman’s career path, I want her to be someone who won’t take no for an answer, who will pursue the direction she chooses regardless of any misogynistic perception of womanhood. I want her to be kind, to be brave, to be someone who stands up for what is right, whatever the consequences. And I hope that her bumbling dad, winging it as I am, can show her some ways to be that person. I’ll do my best.