Brilliant Dad Feature Week 12

May 15, 2015

This week our brilliant dad feature is Jeff from New York USA he’s a married father of six year old twins. Thank you so much for taking part. Jeff blogs at Daddy is Best.

1. Have you always wanted to be a dad?

I guess I’ve always wanted to be a Dad. But, of course who knows what that really entails until it actually happens. My first wife didn’t want kids and so I obligingly agreed. I was younger then and it seemed like a good idea at the time and maybe it was since she and I are no longer together. I think that I missed being a Dad then, I mean missed it, or regretted it. I suppose some things about child rearing would have been easier if I were younger, certainly I would have had more energy then and would have been more positive about life in general vs. a middle-aged whatever I am now!

2. How did you feel when your children were born?

I was in the operating room when the kids were born. It was a C-section. It was perhaps the most thrilling, exhilarating, moving experience of my life. There is nothing like it. It is also a completely grounding experience as I realised that I now have two little people entirely dependent on me. After years of being single and living alone, and then years of marriage, here was a new…. um… complication, stressor, responsibility, person. Oh, times two of course!

3. What have been your most rewarding experiences so far?

I don’t know if there is one single rewarding experience. I guess when I put them to bed at night, after reading to them, knowing that I did everything I could to make their day a rewarding day for them.

Sometimes though, it’s hard to gauge their perspective on rewards since they have a limited range of expression and communication. When I ask if they had a good day and they replied, Yeah, then I feel pretty good.

When they have experienced and been involved in extracurricular activities and those turn out positive, I feel pretty good about it too.

Of course, when I come home and they are still awake and they run to me screaming Daddy’s home, nothing beats that.

4. What are some of the funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?

I told Aidan that he looked just like me when I was his age, but I was cuter. He replied, I’m smarter. Just as quick and as natural as if he were doing a comedy routine. Unfortunately, he is probably right. He is in first grade and knows way more than I did at that grade.

The general perception is that twins are great and a blessing. And that’s true! Nevertheless, it is also more than twice the amount of work of having one at a time. I see a couple with just one child and think, that must be so easy. Ok, I guess it’s not, but twins is a lot of work. The hardest thing to cope with as they’ve gotten older is their performance in school. John, particularly, is having a difficult time. He seems to be a really bright kid, full of spit and vinegar like any boy, but his reading level is well below Aidan’s and where it should be. Motivating him to do better is a challenge.

5. Have there been any situations that you found difficult to cope with your children ?

After years of bad luck or hard luck with jobs, I’m struggling financially to keep ourselves afloat. Not to mention that now we have 6 year old twins. My wife works full time, as do I, but our schedules are not the same and it is the rare instance we have a day off together. We do our best and work our hardest to take care of the household and the house and the cars and the kids and our jobs and ourselves. Taking care of ourselves and each other always seems to end up last on the list cause everything in our lives literally revolves around taking care of the kids and the aforementioned time and money suckers listed above.The good news is that my wife’s mother lives upstairs and watches the boys when they come home from school and at the other times we have to work and are not available. The bad news is that my wife’s mother lives upstairs. I try to keep my perspective on the situation and appreciate what she does for us. After all, the bottom line is that if she were not here, one of us would have to stay home since we have no real friends or family in the area. Oh well, such is life, I suspect.

6. What are your dreams and hopes for your children?

I bet that I haven’t meet a Daddy who doesn’t want more and better for their kids than what they/we had. I want them to be happy and successful at whatever they want to do. It has become increasingly apparent that they are their own people and that all I can do is guide, teach, coach them to find their ways not without problems arising, but with my support so they can overcome their obstacles and keep moving in their chosen direction. I have spent the better portion of my childhood and adult life alone with no one to provide guidance or support or backup. In short, I want to be there for them when they need.

1 Comments

Kristy

May 20, 2015 at 12:00 pm

I enjoyed reading this post. I like the honesty and love that your blog is from Dad's. It's interesting to get the male perspective. I am a woman, mother of one daughter aged 21 months. I can tell you that it's not easy but I'm sure a lot easier than 2 the same age. It sounds like you're doing a great job though, Jeff. Your priorities are there and you work very hard to provide for your boys. Thanks for sharing your story with the world.