Brilliant dad feature week 31

This weeks Brilliant Dad feature is John Adams who has been writing Dad Blog UK since 2012. John is married with two young daughters. He gave up his career in 2011 to become his children’s main carer while his wife works full time and provides for the family. He blogs about his experiences as a stay at home dad plus writes about equality issues, parenting, lifestyle, photography and even men’s style and fashion.

1. Have you always wanted to be a dad?

From a very young age, I always had a desire to be a father. Although I always wanted to have kids, it wasn’t my aim to have them at a young age. I was comfortably into my thirties before I became a dad. For me, that was probably the right thing. 

2. How did you feel when your children were born?

When Helen, my eldest, was born, I was ecstatic. I’d wanted to be a dad for years and it had finally happened. I was hands on from day one and very happy to be so.

I was also incredibly relieved when Helen was born healthy and happy. It had been a gruelling 33 hour labour and my wife had a very tough time. In fact delivery eventually took place in theatre. Gill was absolutely fine in the end but recovery took the best part of six weeks.

I was equally happy when Elizabeth was born. Second time round, though, it was entirely different. We had an established family and had to introduce Elizabeth into it while keeping Helen happy. 

The delivery this time round was also very different. Labour was a total of five hours, the final stage taking 15 minutes with nothing more than gas and air! Gill’s recovery from that birth was considerably quicker.  

3. What have been your most rewarding experiences so far as a Dad?

I can think of so many rewarding experiences. Discovering that Elizabeth has a strong love of swimming like her older sister, Helen coming home with team points or a headmaster’s certificate for producing good work at school…I could go on.

What I am most proud of ‘though is that we seem to be raising kids with the correct level of confidence. They aren’t over confident and precocious, but they will speak up if something makes them uncomfortable or unhappy. That’s a difficult balance to strike and I hope they carry on like this for the rest of their lives.  

4. What are some of funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?

Where do I start? The time Helen vomited on the floor at Jessops while having passport photos taken springs to mind. I think the best bit about that scenario was the two women who leaped to my aid, wiped up some of the vomit and demanded the kid behind the counter put it in the bin declaring “it’s only baby sick, it won’t hurt you”! He must have been about 19 and didn’t what had hit him. 

My youngest also has an amazing ability to declare “I’ve just farted” when she has, well, farted. We have a couple of formal weddings coming up and I am desperately hoping she manages to curtail this habit while we’re at the church and reception.

5. Have there been any situations with your children that you have found difficult to cope with? 

There have been many situations that have been difficult to cope with. Some people get upset when their kids receive inoculations and that kind of thing. I fear I’m quite hard-headed about these issues. I don’t get upset by this kind of thing, even if my kids are in floods of tears, I guess because I’m prepared for it and some things just have to be done. 

I think Helen starting school was a tough one. I felt bad because she ended up going to a superb school, but one where she knew absolutely no one. This, by the way, was by accident, not design. 

These days kids tend to move on to school with a handful of familiar faces from pre-school. Not so Helen. She had to start from nothing and establish friendship groups all over again. We discovered later on that for the first term she hadn’t really been mingling with other kids at all so it must have been a lonely time. 

I’m not sure having a stay at home dad drop her off and collect her from school each day helped. I think she missed out on opportunities to socialise and go on play dates because mums aren’t always comfortable approaching a dad. I had to establish myself in the playground just as much as she had to in the classroom before such opportunities presented themselves.  

Despite all this, Helen eventually formed friendship groups and did it all by herself. In many respects it was probably an enormously positive experience for her, but very tough to witness as a parent. 

6.What are your dreams and hopes for your children? 

Asking what dreams and hopes I have for my children is such an open ended question! I would like them to lead constructive, happy lives. I really don’t think I can be any more specific. Whether they get married, have kids, don’t get married, don’t have kids, become rock stars, brain surgeons whatever; so long as they’re happy people, leading positive lives I’ll be happy. 

They’re going to face tough times, that’s inevitable. I hope as parents Gill and I give them both the confidence and resourcefulness to deal with the harder times life throws at them. 

Thank you to John for taking part in the Brilliant Dad feature I really appreciate your time.