Brilliant dad feature week 32
I am Tony, a serving soldier and married father of a lovely little girl and boy. I started blogging as Disillusioned Dad because I was so tired of having to live up to the expectations of the world when it came to being a father and competing with society on who has the best raised kids. Since gaining some perspective, and a little more patience, I switched to the life of tont I am now starting to actually enjoy being a dad. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
1. Have you always wanted to be a dad?
No. I never wanted children, my wife did. There was a point where she would break down crying every time she saw one of her friends cuddle their newborn child, or announce their pregnancy, or walk past Mothercare.
To say that my first child was a compromise sounds harsh, but the hard fact of it is that she was. I didn’t want children, but it broke my heart seeing my wife so upset so I put my own wants and needs to one side for her. I’d like to say that our second was planned, but unfortunately he was an accident, and had my first 3 applications for a vasectomy been successful he would never have happened. We were both devastated having decided that one was more than enough, but that’s life and it was our own fault. That all said, 7 years after our first was born, I am so glad that we were blessed with 2 fantastic children.
To say that my first child was a compromise sounds harsh, but the hard fact of it is that she was. I didn’t want children, but it broke my heart seeing my wife so upset so I put my own wants and needs to one side for her. I’d like to say that our second was planned, but unfortunately he was an accident, and had my first 3 applications for a vasectomy been successful he would never have happened. We were both devastated having decided that one was more than enough, but that’s life and it was our own fault. That all said, 7 years after our first was born, I am so glad that we were blessed with 2 fantastic children.
2. How did you feel when your children were born?
Absolutely nothing. This is going to make me sound like a sociopath, but contrary to the stereotypical gushing story of a dad who immediately felt an overwhelming surge of love and emotion, I genuinely felt nothing. I know a lot of dads who felt the same, but have always been scared to admit it for fear of being ostracised by the Stepford Dads. I had to work hard at loving my children and if I’m entirely honest it took a couple of years before I felt that feeling of love that everyone talked about.
3. What have been your most rewarding experiences so far as a Dad?
I genuinely don’t know the answer to this one as in hindsight (and possibly rose tinted glasses) everything about being a dad feels rewarding. From the first moment my son put his life entirely in my hands by trusting me to get him out of danger, to the moment when my daughter talked openly to me about her feelings without hesitation or embarrassment, it all feels more rewarding than the last.
4. What are some of funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?
I could talk about the instances that had I filmed them I’d make a fortune from You’ve Been Framed, or I could talk about the embarrassing things the kids say in front of complete strangers, but for me I find the wonder and humour of the kids learning something new or experiencing something for the first time absolutely hilarious. The first time my kids heard that really annoying joke that you’ve heard a million times, and laughed hysterically at it. The infectious nature of their laughter when doing something ridiculous like lifting your fork in a different way. All of those simple things really amuse me.
5. Have there been any situations with your children that you have found difficult to cope with?
There hasn’t been a situation that I’ve struggled to cope with, but the most difficult thing I’ve had to adjust to is the time, need for attention, and the effect the kids have had on my marriage. It has been so easy to forget that we have a marriage, and the lack of money has meant we’ve defaulted to raising the kids and enjoying them but put ourselves on hold until the kids are old enough to self manage themselves. Unfortunately, it’s begin to strain a little too much, but we’ve struggled to find a way to get us back.
6. What are your dreams and hopes for your children?
Quite simply I hope that they both live happy and fulfilled and fulfilled lives.
Thank you very much to Tony for taking part in the Brilliant Dad Feature.
1 Comments
Papa Tont
December 29, 2016 at 7:44 pm
Thanks so much for featuring me Nige. It’s great to come back and read this to compare how I would answer the questions now, compared with then.