Challenging moments with your children part 3

When A was nine years of age he told me he wanted to play football. His friends in his class at school were forming a team which included his best friend at the time along with his best friends dad who was going to be the coach. I also knew the other coach who was a dad to twins and he would also be playing so it seemed to me to a great idea!

The games were on a Saturday morning and usually three games would be played. It was done fairly on a rotation basis so that all the boys got time playing football. Win or lose it was a kick around for fun and brilliant exercise. 

At aged 12 the boys moved to 11 a side football and we were all informed that the team would be picked to try and win matches. It had a more competitive edge and rightly so as I have always believed in playing to win!

My son was not the best player in the team, but he was in the better half. He had always played in defence and had amazing timing in the tackle and always anticipated danger. The coaches always played him in central defence and always said good things about him. The season went well and the team did well just missing out on promotion. 

The start of his second season changed dramatically. New players came in, but if I am honest I still believed A was good enough to continue in the same position. Sadly this was not a view shared by his coaches and it obivious that it was denting his confidence and his play was being affected. The really difficult part for me was to encourage him to do what he was doing and it would be fine, but I also knew he had lost interest. 

My son, A, is in his early to mid teens. He was always a quiet boy and never really said much, but at about two thirds of the way through the season he no longer wanted to play for this team and to be totally honest I couldn’t blame him. He had been treated very badly by the coaches and two new coaches had joined the coaching team and they didn’t have a clue and made it clear they didn’t rate him.

A decision was made by A to finish and as I have never been a pushy parent if that’s what you want to that’s fine I just want you to be happy. I had a friend who I knew coached another team and A would be a huge asset to them. I gave him the option to join them as he had a few friends in that team and he decided to give it a go. 

He played a few matches for them and the coaches were over the moon with him. Unfortunately on about his sixth game for them we arrived at the venue and I knew he wasn’t good about it all. He told me straight I don’t want to play and in the process was getting upset so that was the end. I explained to the coach the following day and he was brilliant about it, totally understood. 

I think A carried on maybe to please me and for that I feel guilty to this day that he thought that he should play because it would make me happy. 

As for the coaches of the first team they were unforgivable the way they had destroyed his confidence. He never played again and now only now plays five a side at his local power league with his friends. 

A very challenging time and actually I don’t think I handled it as well I could have, but lessons were learnt by me for the future.