Brilliant dad feature week 63
He is a stay-at-home dad of a 4-year-old daughter, and has been at home with her since she was 6 months old when his wife returned to work. He blogs about their time together – which includes a lot of Star Wars and superheroes – as well as wider issues around gendered marketing to children, especially girls.
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a dad, but it was certainly something I wanted to wait until the right time for. I liked our life as a couple, and I wanted to enjoy that before we became parents. But it was always a question of when, not if.
2. How did you feel when your children were born?
My first feeling was relief. I don’t know how mothers feel, but as the dad I felt such a powerlessness over the health/safety of our unborn child. Miscarriage is such a common occurrence, and as the pregnancy progressed and I increasingly bonded with our unborn baby, I became more and more nervous at the thought of losing her. The moment I knew labour started, as well as being excited I was going to finally meet my daughter, I was also very relieved that we were going to be in a hospital and for the first time in months I was not worried about our baby’s well being.
3. What have been your most rewarding experiences so far as a Dad?
Broadly speaking, it would have to be being a stay-at-home dad. It’s come with its challenges – most notably the drop in family income, and my concerns about returning to the workforce – but I have wanted to do this ever since I became an uncle about 2 decades ago and I am so glad that I have had this amazing time with my daughter.
4. What are some of funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?
It would have to be blogging related. When my daughter turned 3, I decided – given I kept writing about the need to empower little girls – I should let her decide what she wears every day. I assumed the all the Star Wars and superhero tops I used to pick out for her would stop – but they didn’t. I was so happy about the that I used to share the photos on Twitter and started an Instagram account. Well, this quickly got spotted by a writer who followed me on Twitter and within days it was picked up by Buzzfeed (where it trended top 10) and then news outlets across the globe. When my daughter is older, I’m sure she won’t believe me about her going viral on the internet…
5. Have there been any situations with your children that you have found difficult to cope with?
There was the time at about 14 months when she swallowed a metal hair clip, that led to our first panicked trip to A&E (it was fine, and it came out painlessly the natural way a few days later).
But that hardest? Potty training. We used to live in New Zealand, and we experienced some really strong earthquakes, that are followed by big aftershocks for days, which really frays the nerves. But they were nothing compared to my nerves during potty training. I seem to recall it happened partly while my wife was abroad for work, which didn’t help. I remember one day beer o’clock came early, while I was sitting with my daughter for dinner – something I never do until after her bedtime – because I was so stressed from the day.
6. What are your dreams and hopes for your children?
The usual. I hope for her to grow up fundamentally happy as well as feeling confident and empowered. Also, knowing she is loved and finding someone she loves too. I want to do my part to ensure she never feels limited in her life choices because she is a girl/woman.
