Dads Don’t Babysit: Towards Equal Parenting

Having been a father to 5 kids over 2 decades, I’ve seen a lot of attitudes about parenthood and what dads can do in the family change. I get the impression that more and more men want to take up a bigger role in the household and spend more time with their children. My kids and I have benefited so much from me being able to spend a lot of quality time with them, not to mention the benefits for my wife too! Our relationship is better and I feel more fulfilled knowing that I’m an equal parent with my wife.

Talking to a lot of people, you might agree that most dads, and equally most mums too, think it’s a good idea for both parents to take on an equal role in parenting and the household. Sharing the difficult parts of running a family (and we all know there are many!) makes it easier and more rewarding when it comes to enjoying the great times.

But if we look at the numbers, it looks like despite a lot of parents wanting to share parenting more equally, the vast majority of families are struggling to live up to the ideal. Even when they want to! Even for new parents, figures put uptake of shared parental leave (where dads get to share maternity leave) at only 2-4% of new dads! Children are on average also spending a lot less time with dads during the week than with mums, and in the majority of families, dads still play a much smaller role in the household than there partners.

Why? David, a fellow blogger at Dad’s Turn is about to release a book that talks about these issues. He argues that this ‘paternity gap’ between most parents wanting to share parenting more equally and the fact that this often isn’t the case in practice, is caused by a host of social issues. All problems that we can help to fix!

His book Dads Don’t Babysit Towards Equal Parenting, is a must read for anyone wanting to join the case to make equal parenting a more visible and easier option for families. It’s a rallying call to bring down the cultural, workplace and financial barriers that nudge dad away from home and tie mums to it 24/7.

It was fun to find out about how our brains and even hormones change when we become dads, and help us bond and care for our kids. And it isn’t something people ever talk about either (part of the problem!). It also got me thinking more about a lot of the ways culture has a bias against both mums and dads, getting them to do things they might not want to.

One thing I really liked about the book was that David wasn’t arguing for a one size fits all families. We’re all different, and that’s a good thing. His argument is that we should try to take away the barriers to making a fair choice about how we divide family duties, and try to avoid the default way of thinking, that mums are the only parents with real responsibility for kids.

If we all start thinking that dads have the same responsibilities and rights as mums at work and at home, before coming to an agreement about how we split childcare, David believes the world will be a fairer and happier place. I couldn’t agree more!

Considering everything from hormones to Homer Simpson, from parental leave to the pay gap, David’s new book coming out in September, Dads Don’t Babysit: towards equal parenting is a good read for any parent or parent-to-be who cares about dad taking his turn.