I have often wondered if mothers have a huge advantage when it comes to bonding with a new baby. In my own experience I believe they have a massive advantage because a mothers bonding with a baby starts when they see that positive pregnancy test. Whereas for a dad, yes, I was excited at seeing the positive pregnancy and thinking, ‘wow, I’m going to be a dad’, but in my case the excitement was very shortlived, because obviously I’m not pregnant, my body is not changing and that’s where mothers have that advantage. They know that a small little person is growing inside them. It’s a constant reminder of baby.
Throughout pregnancy, as a dad to be, I felt moments of total excitement and happiness. It might have been the first scan seeing a heartbeat for the first time or the 20 week scan where you can see your child as a human being or later on when you can see baby move or a kick when your hand is on mums bump, and for a split second you bond, only for this to be cruelly taken away from you. But the mother has baby growing away and their bond grows everyday as the pregnancy progresses. I’m not saying all mothers have an instant bond with their new baby, but because they have been carrying the baby for nine months their bond to this little baby will always be stronger than a fathers.
When my children were born I would like say I instantly bonded but I didn’t. I definitely felt instant love, but bonding was a long drawn out process for me. I also think fathers are in a great state of shock than mothers. I know I was because I only had a bump to look at or touch now and again for nine months, now I had a real life breathing baby in my arms. Truly mind blowing. I so often hear new dads saying they have struggled with bonding with their new babies and yes, I totally understand why. Our involvement up until the birth if truth be known is very limited.
If the mothers decide to breast feed which I might add I’m fully in favour of, but the downside to this is that dad has very little to do, except nappy changes and maybe a cuddle here and there and this will obviously limit the bonding with baby.
So I feel mothers do have a huge advantage to bonding with their new baby quicker and I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with that, because of the obvious fact that mother’s give birth and breast feed and that in itself helps for a faster bond.
Fathers on the other hand have to grow into bonding because as I found the bonding doesn’t start until the baby is born.
I would love to know your thoughts as a mum. Did you bond instantly, or as a dad did it take you longer to bond?
1 Comments
John Adams
July 19, 2017 at 11:56 am
Biology simply dictates that a mum has a huge advantage here. As you say, mum is pregnant, gives birth and (usually) breast feeds. That said, i think with dad, bonding should happen pretty swiftly after the birth. Thought provoking post Nigel.