When you meet the one, those early times of your relationship are wonderful and carefree. You can please yourselves and do what you want, when you want. You can both be incredibly selfish and my goodness it is wonderful! Totally loved up and just each other to worry about. What could possibly go wrong?
Children can either help and improve your relationship, or they can send it on a road to disaster. I have in truth lived through both in two marriages.
In my first marriage, we had three children in the space of three and half years. It took quite a while for me first to conceive, and unfortunately we had a miscarriage. It then became an obsession to have a child, which also took a long time. The pressure on the relationship was immense and just before she found out she was pregnant with my eldest child, I had all, but left the relationship. Of course with becoming a father I felt for all the wrong reasons which I realise now to stay in a toxic relationship, but for all of that we went on to have two more children.
This didn’t help the relationship. It made it worse, emotionally, financially and living a very toxic life took it’s toll. I realised I needed to leave, both for my sanity and health. At the time my son was just four years old, but it was the right reason. I believed that then and I still know it was exactly the right decision all these years later.
Children didn’t bring us closer. It pushed us even further apart, but as I have already said, the relationship was toxic and doomed. In a nutshell I wasn’t with the one, but I guess I always knew that deep down. I remember confiding in my mother on my wedding day that I think I’d made a mistake, but I didn’t have the courage to stop it. For all of that I have three wonderful children from that marriage.
Fast forward a few years and I meet what I would call the, THE ONE! It was a difficult relationship initially, but that wasn’t because we doubted each other, it’s because there is an age gap and many people considered it okay to interfere with our relationship. They tried everything in their power, and I mean everything to break us up. Guess what? They didn’t manage it and we are still together 12 years later and we have five year old twin girls.
When you have twins who are six week premature this could so easily break your relationship. The pressure of a neo-natal unit especially when you are miles from home and living in the hospital is immense.
It made us, I believe stronger as a couple because we had endured so much in the early days of our girls lives. We only had each other for support and our love grew for each other.
The twins, as I have said are now five years old, and we have a home of laughter and joy. They also have three older siblings which makes for a very happy situation.
My wife and I are equal in every way. We have the same parenting values and know how we want the girls to grow up. We all laugh and joke constantly. They have helped and enhanced our relationship to a completely higher level of respect for each other.
The thing is, I believe is I’m with THE ONE! Having children together just makes us as a totally complete relationship. In perfect harmony together wanting the same things for all of us which I might add includes my older children, who are also a very important part of our lives.
When I experienced the mess that my first marriage was. It has helped me appreciate the most wonderful marriage I have with my wife now.
Of course today with online counselling available there is no reason why you can’t get help as a couple and which makes it easier and more comfortable when you can do it from the comfort of your home.
Have children helped your marriage or not? I would love to know your thoughts.