Helping Your Children Deal With Divorce

It’s no secret that when a couple breaks up it can be difficult for their kids to deal with; everything has changed and it’s no wonder it’s hard for children to deal with. It’s a difficult situation and knowing how to manage it isn’t always easy to achieve, especially when you’re also dealing with your own emotions. However, there are a number of steps that you can take to make helping your children through a divorce easier. 

As a parent, it’s natural that you will want to soothe your children and take away their feelings of pain and grief, but you can’t just fix this. The truth is that a divorce will cause your children pain, but if it’s the right thing to do for you, your partner, and your family, then it’s an important step to take. You can’t remain married for your children, because in the end the bad feelings between yourself and your partner will end up causing more pain. 

The most important thing is to know how you can help your children to navigate your divorce – that’s what matters, making life easier for them. The question is, of course, how can you go about doing that – what steps should you be taking? 

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To help make the process a little easier, below is a guide to some of the ways that you can help to make dealing with divorce easier for your children. Read on for everything that you should know! 

Don’t fight in front of your kids 

Heated discussions regarding any aspect of your divorce or family life, from separation of assets in divorce to child custody agreements should be discussed out of earshot of your children. You should aim to never argue in front of them, as this will make the whole situation a whole lot worse. 

Studies have shown that the children who adjust worst to a divorce are the children who are constantly exposed to arguing between their parents. Aim to only have heated discussions away from your children, such as on the phone when your children are at school. 

Alternatively, to avoid arguments, you could consider attending mediation with your ex-partner so that you can discuss all of the key concerns that you have about your divorce. 

Don’t sugarcoat things 

It’s important that you don’t sugarcoat things. It can be tempting to try and make things better for your children, but sugarcoating things will only create a culture of mistrust. It’s important to be open and honest with your child at an age-appropriate level, of course. 

For instance, if the other parent cancels on your child leaving them feeling unwanted and disappointed, it’s important to know how to deal with that situation effectively. While you don’t want to bad mouth the other parent, you also don’t want to disregard your child’s feelings. 

It’s important to take a fair and honest approach. Saying something like: “I know it’s disappointing that mum / dad didn’t make it today”. This will give your child the chance to open up and talk about how they’re feeling. 

Be clear that your little ones are loved  

It’s extremely important to make it clear to your child that they are loved by you and your partner. Just because the family is breaking up, that doesn’t mean that your children aren’t loved, and it’s important to make them aware of that. 

Often, after a divorce, a child can feel like one or both of their parents love them less, which can lead to issues with self-esteem and behaviour. So it’s vital that you are clear about how much you love them. 

Encourage your kids to talk to you 

It’s also important that you try and encourage your children to talk to you about how they are feeling. Open and honest communication is a good way to make it easier for your children to understand their own feelings. 

Adjusting to all the changes that come with a divorce isn’t easy and it can take time for your children to work through those feelings. 

If your child doesn’t want to talk to you, consider setting up a session with a counsellor instead, so that they can work through what happened. 

Set up a visitation schedule but be flexible 

It’s important that your children get to spend time with both their parents, which is why having a visitation schedule is important. This will allow everyone to know what the plan is for spending time with each parent. 

Having a visitation schedule is important but remember to be flexible with it. You want to make sure that your child can spend time with both parents, so if that means needing to move the schedule around, it’s important that you do that. 

There you have it, a guide to how you can help your children to deal with a divorce.