It’s Important For Children That Divorce Is Amicable

I have experienced divorce both as a child and as a parent. Sadly on both occasions it was a toxic and very unhappy time for all involved. For me personally, when my parents started the process of divorce and separation, the entire situation left a lasting effect on me that I would carry through to early adulthood.

I was about 9 years old when my parents separated. One of the most difficult things to come to terms with was all of a sudden my father was no longer there on a daily basis. In fact, I was lucky if I got to see him a couple of times a month. I have never known if this was something he decided to do or because of the poisonous atmosphere that was constantly between my mother and father, was that the reason he stayed away? Perhaps if he turned up there was always a blazing row? The consequences of the situation was that my relationship with my father never grew much beyond childhood and something I sadly missed out on was a father and son relationship in adulthood. This took me many years to come to terms with.

I then experienced divorce and separation in my own adulthood. The marriage was broken for a long time before we finally decided to go our different ways. At this point there were three children involved in the situation and looking back there is no doubt that divorce was the right answer. There was a very unpleasant atmosphere and this was without a doubt having an adverse effect on the children. So, as a dad, I decided I wanted a relationship with my three children away from the toxicity of a broken marriage. This is also the time where its important to find a good divorce and family law firm such as Sugar Land Family Law Firm so the divorce goes smoothly.

I thought this would be a simple process but unfortunately my ex-wife thought differently. If she could put an obstacle in the way of me seeing my children then she was going to on every occasion. The pressure at times to just say I cannot be bothered to make the effort to see my children was very tempting, but I never did because I loved my children more than anything in the world and I wanted to be a big part of their lives now and forever. I always just wished that things could have been just a bit more amicable. We were never going to be the best of friends but it would have been nice to at least have been civil to each other for the sake of the children.

On both of those occasions it was many years ago and divorce and separation was messy and quite often nasty. Plus things would spiral out of control and ultimately the only people that suffered were the children stuck in the middle of a battlefield.

Many people divorcing today are generally the product of divorced parents and there is a definite change in people’s attitudes that what they went through they don’t want to put their own kids through. Parents today want an amicable split and fair access to the children of the marriage. As I have already mentioned they may not be the best of friends but they can certainly be civil to each other.

One of the problems of divorce in the UK is that you still have to give a reason for the divorce such as unreasonable behaviour or adultery. This can without question lengthen the time of separation before divorce and that can cause bad situations that can have a negative impact on the children.

From autumn of this year things will be changing. You will be able to get a no-fault divorce which both parties will be able to implement and consequently come together for a grown-up decision. Hopefully this will take all the toxicity out of divorce. This will, in my opinion, give dads a much better deal when it comes to divorce because currently dads quite often get a rough deal when it comes to things like free access to see their children, the financial implications and also many dads lose their homes and have to start all over again. This is something I have experienced on a very personal level when I got divorced. So the changes are good for dads. I also believe that had these changes have been around when my parents had divorced, I may well have had a better relationship with my dad. It could also have made the divorce from my first wife much easier and could have potentially resulted in a much lesser impact on my mental health and my children’s well-being. Going forward it will make for a much better divorce system for couples to settle everything in a more friendly atmosphere.

Have you been divorced? I would love to hear your experiences in the comments below.