With Father’s Day just a few weeks away my thoughts always turn to my own father and the many missed opportunities to celebrate Father’s Day With my own father.
It’s coming up to three years since he passed away and I was which I now consider lucky to see him the day before he passed away, I feel I was lucky because the relationship was never very good and I always felt he had turned his back on me when I was just seven years old, I will say that I still feel that even today. But I felt I was lucky because it had been 15 years since I had seen him, prior to his passing, this gave me closure that one last visit was well there you go dad what a waste we just made of our relationship of father and son. Which left me wanting more, it left a ache in my heart that I have been unable to remove, I wanted the dad and son relationship.
Over the years I always felt it was his place to come and find me and form a relationship, but as I get older I’m starting to think I should of made a greater effort, it was easy for me to ignore the fact he existed and that i didn’t need him. What changed my way of thinking over recent years well I shall tell you.
I’m a father of five children, and Father’s Day is so very important to me, as a father but I missed out on celebrating fathers day with my own father all my life. How does that make me feel, sad any very cheated, I never had the opportunity to buy my dad a card, or go out to lunch with him on Father’s Day, to celebrate that he should of been my role model in life, the one I turned too when I had troubles or celebrate with when my children were born. To talk about my failures or successes in life, it really is a bitter pill to swallow.
My own children yes will celebrate Father’s Day With me but they will never see me celebrate Father’s Day With my dad, a grandad they never knew and won’t ever know, this makes me so sad, actually words cannot elude me to how sad it makes me. I feel I have done my children a wrong they never knew their grandad it’s easy to blame him, but I feel so much blame that I didn’t make a bigger effort, it actually haunts me that my children didn’t have a grandad to go to, that is sadly something I cannot change now.
Father’s Day has mixed emotions for me yes I love to be spoilt by my children, but I don’t get to spoil my dad. It’s a tough one that seems to get worse every year the missed moments of a father and son just simply being that a father and son, life really can be unfair at times.
We often talk about a mother’s love and how important it is which of course it is, but equally important is a fathers love, something I missed out all my life, the only very good thing to come out of it was I have been able to shower my children with love, to always be there for them and have a wonderful relationship with all of five of them.
So I move on and when Father’s Day arrives there will be a moment a minute when I will think of those lost chances, and could I of made it different, could I have altered the course of the relationship I had with my errant father, sadly a question I will never be able to answer.
Do you have regrets about your relationship with your father, or is it everything you could of wished for. I would love to hear.