Premature Babies: A Dads View 

I recently read a post by my wife, Emily from Twin Mummy and Daddy about having premature babies. I thought it was a brilliant, informative post for anybody who could be faced with having a premature baby.

Our girls were born six weeks early. This is something we obviously didn’t plan on happening, but we didn’t have a choice. M had stopped growing and the fact of the matter is that she needed to be brought out to be fattened up.

This was all told to us by our consultant a couple of weeks before it was going to happen, and all the medical professionals did a great job in preparing my wife and that’s fine by me because after all she is the one carrying the twins and will give birth, and in our case via a c-section, and the support for my wife is vital.

Of course I’m just the dad, and very little, if anything is discussed with me by the medical professionals. In fact on numerous occasions on our weekly visits to ante-natal class, I felt what’s the point in me being here. Rarely does anyone involve me.

The feeling of being surplus to requirements never really goes away. Right through the birth and then throughout their stay in the neo-natal unit.

Here are my tips for dads with babies that are possibly going to be born premature. So, instead of screaming inside, “Please somebody notice I am here!” Stay sane and speak out a little bit.

Always go to every every ante-natal appointment with your wife and don’t sit in silence like I did on numerous occasions. Ask questions and if you don’t understand something ask the consulatant to explain it to you. After all you are the dad and why should you be treated as if you are invisible? Your fears are real too! And sometimes your fears need to be talked about.

During the time of the planned c-section there is every chance that you will feel very left out because your wife/partner is actually about to have a major operation. The truth of the matter is that you are surplus to requirements, and when I walked into the operating theatre after they had prepared my wife for the c-section it blew my mind how many doctors, nurses etc were required to deliver twins. However there is a role for you. It may appear insignificant, but believe me it’s not. You are there to support and be strong for your wife/partner, because the medical team are there to deliver your babies safely and look after your wife. Don’t underestimate your role in that operating room.

Once your premature baby, or in our case babies, are born if they have been delivered by c-section as a dad you have a very important role.

Your wife/partner will not be able to walk and will be in recovery for a considerable amount of time away from your babies. She will be anxious and worried that everything is ok with them. In our situation our twin girls were immediately put into incubators and my job was to go from the neo-natal to where my wife was in recovery, also I was taking phone calls from family.

This is a very emotional time for both of us, but I believe it was worse for my wife because she was not next to our girls. I had to reassured her all the time that everything was ok, but it was hard because I was close to breaking down myself. When you have a premature baby everything can change in a second as it did with R. She was all of sudden struggling to breathe which is something I never believed could happen, but these babies are in the world early. She was placed on a ventilator and it broke my heart watching this big tube being put down her throat, and going back to tell my wife and trying to be convincing and telling her everything is going to be ok when in truth I didn’t know that.

I fully appreciate that family want see our babies but looking back I wished I had insisted and said no wait until tomorrow until everything is more settled but I didn’t and it creates extra stress neither of you need. Say no.

Finally as a father of premature twin baby girls I found that your role is one of strength and making sure your babies and your wife are happy and reassured at all times. There was definitely times I felt like falling apart but you can’t certainly not in those first few days. I would say though don’t be frightened to show your emotional and if you need to have a little cry do it you will feel loads better afterwards.

Having premature a baby or babies expect the unexpected trust the medical professionals because their decisions will always be right. But remember they are your babies and you have every right to know every part of their care and informed of every decision big or small.

Always ask for a full explanation on every step of their care if they are doing tests ask why and what they are for. Don’t be scared to ask you have every right to know because you are their dad.

If you have had a premature baby I would love to hear your experiances of a neo-natal unit.