Smacking Our Children
Is it right or is it wrong?
It’s a debate that has gone on for years. I’m not an advocate of smacking my children, but I’m not going to say I have never smacked my children either because I have, but I can count on both my hands how many times spread over five children that I have smacked my children.
For me personally smacking my children has never been something that I considered the way forward. This was born out of my own childhood. Growing up with parents that considered physical punishment as an answer to children misbehaving was normal when I was growing up. However that was the times they lived in and my parents generation inherited this from their parents.
Growing up in fear of being punished in a physical way, even for the smallest of bad behaviour was not something I ever wanted my own children to feel. So the positive of what was unacceptable behaviour by my own parents, meant that I would try to talk to my children rather than smack them.
Growing up in a very dysfunctional, violent environment, the only thing it taught me was to be violent. By my late teens I realised that people keep their distance, for fear that you are going to kick off and just quite simply be unpleasant to be around so I changed my ways .
Let’s not make any mistake, all of my children have at one time or another have known how to push all my buttons. When they were babies and toddlers they very demanding, this mixed with sleep deprivation can make you incredibly bad tempered, but there is nothing to be gained from smacking your child. I have always considered it medicine for parents, but I guarantee once you have done it you feel very guilty, and wished you hadn’t.
This all prompted me do a little digging and research into the subject. Some of the childrens’ act of 2004 staggered me by how out of date it was.
You are allowed to punish your child physically as long as it is only reasonable force. Who determines what reasonable force is, which I might add once it is determined it could be too late for the child.
So what is the answer? I believe that we in England and Wales should follow Scotland’s lead and outlaw this quite barbaric behaviour. It without question belongs in the past. The UK is just one of four countries in Europe that has not made smacking our children illegal. This needs to be addressed immediately. In the UK if you have a babysitter or child minder for your child you can authorise them to smack your children for bad behaviour. This is crazy in my opinion, allowing somebody to smack my child when I’m not there to see what kind of force would be used.
It’s time to take smacking off the agenda. Children learn by example and smacking can cause bullying amongst their friends. Cause them to lie for fear of being smacked, plus numerous other complications that they may carry though their lives.
Let’s protect all of our children from this outdated behaviour. Thankfully Scotland is leading the way in the UK.
What do you think? Do you agree with smacking or not? Would love to hear your thoughts.
20 Comments
Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies
November 3, 2017 at 6:29 am
I don’t think there is any room for smacking in todays society. What does it teach children after all?! I was bought up in a time being smacked or threatened by a wooden spoon was standard –
but I would wonder why I never had the chance to explain what happened. My own children were bought up with the opportunity to explain their actions and we found that really useful x #ThatFridayLinky
Helen Gandy
November 3, 2017 at 7:06 am
You raise some good points Nige, The childrens act most certainly needs updating doesn’t it! Thanks for hosting #ThatFridayLinky
The Rhyming Mum
November 3, 2017 at 7:49 am
It baffles me why anyone would want to give someone else permission to smack their child. There’s a lot more I could say on the topic but I fear it’ll end in a blog-length rant so I’ll stop there! #thatfridaylinky
John Adams
November 3, 2017 at 8:01 am
No, I don’t agree and for exceedingly good reason. A husband and wife cannot hit each other without the risk of facing the full force of the law……yet they can smack their children. It’s completely inconsistent. In fact you’ve inspired me Nigel. I may have to write about this subject myself. Thanks ofr hosting #thatfridaylinky
Anne
November 3, 2017 at 10:42 am
It definitely needs updating but I’m sure where they are going to go with this as a lot of people think that the problem with young adults these days is that they’ve not been disciplined enough. The sad thing is that a lot of parents who grew up being smacked and then were faced with the prospect of not being able to smack their child had no idea how to enforce an alternative form of discipline to discourage bad behaviour. I was never smacked as a child, but I think it was more because I was a good girl, my brother’s were smacked and so were my peers and cousins. When I had children I decided not to smack (Although my ex did a few times, but he wasn’t around very long) However, instead of letting them get away with mayhem I found other forms of discipline, some that worked, some that didn’t. They grew up pretty good, I’d like a little more respect, but I don’t think I did too bad considering I was mostly a single parent. Now (sorry if this is turning into an essay) my new husband and I decided that physical punishment was a definite no no with our three young children. So far, so good, they are well behaved, respectful, doing well at school and have never hit another child. There are other ways of discipline and it’s down to this generation to pass them on so that physical punishment becomes a thing of the past, but good behaviour is a thing of the future.
Becca Farrelly
November 3, 2017 at 11:24 am
Its such a tricky area of parenting as its so different for everyone! I don’t personally believe in smacking and we haven’t ever smacked our 4yr old however there have been numerous occasions when i have been very close to doing so! My partner would smack Mia when her behaviour warranted it, if i didn’t disagree with it but that is because he was smacked occasionally as a child and i wasn’t. I feel we can get through to Mia without the need for smacking but this doesn’t always work! 🙂
#ThatFridayLinky
Kiri
November 3, 2017 at 12:50 pm
I’ve done it in the past on a small number of occassions. But it’s never the right answer and I felt incredibly guilty. Smacking isn’t about the children, it’s about the parents and their anger, and I’d rather try and manage my anger in other ways to set a good example – and show that it’s ok to be frustrated or even angry but we must learn to manage it in a way that doesn’t hurt others. I would like it to be made illegal as then it sets a clear boundary and leaves no room for debate. #thatfridaylinky
Sonia Cave
November 3, 2017 at 3:37 pm
I feel there is a lot of other ways to help children over come a behaviour problem, and we need to find out the reason behind that behaviour. Smacking doesn’t help us to do this. Sure they push us to our limits (quite a lot!!), but I am hoping I never resort to this 🙁 #thatfridaylinky
Martin Lee
November 3, 2017 at 5:44 pm
Complicated debate. I do agree it isn’t the answer for everything!
Oldhouseintheshires
November 3, 2017 at 6:06 pm
The problem with the law is that you need to be able to define “smacking” and of course, ‘what is reasonable force’. I would say that there is such a fine line here that any physical punishment should be make illegal. In my job as a teacher we are obviously not allowed to punish in this way; in fact I don’t tend to punish children at all, I really never need to. Encouraging confidence in our children will never come from a negative action so giving lots of positive praise and making the child feel amazing will always work. If a child does misbehave, then I find that pointing out what they have done in a calm way and then telling them that this behaviour is not ok and why, often makes them feel so guilty that they feel genuine remorse. We want our children to feel sorry for doing something they shouldn’t. Being smacked just makes them feel upset or angry and these strong emotions stop them learning. You can’t learn if you are feeling such strong emotions because you are only thinking about the emotion! I hope that England follows Scotland but i’m Sure there will be opposers. #thatfridaylinky
jeremy@thirstydaddy
November 4, 2017 at 2:10 am
I think that its tricky. I think that there are some behaviors where there needs to be a noticeable difference between what they are doing and other, less severe misbehaviors. I think that my daughter needs to know that grabbing something from the fridge that she is not supposed to is not the same as climbing onto the counter to grab a steak knife to use as a pretend sword. Yes, that knife should be out of her reach, but anybody that says that probably isn’t a parent. Its impossible to completely kid proof a house. I’m very fortunate to have a child that has always listened pretty well. She got a smack on the hand for the knife incident and a smack on the ass once for wandering farther down the street than she knew she was allowed to. In both cases I felt that something other than yelling at her was necessary to show her that this was a very serious situation. Was that correct? fuck man, I don’t know. I know that she hasn’t done either since and I’m not sure that would be the case if I had just punished her the same as for other transgressions. Yea, I could have used reason, but she was four. I oppose spanking because I don’t trust other people to not beat the shit out of their kids. Just one of many ways that I’m a hypocrit, but what can you do?
Sadie | Be Your Own Example
November 4, 2017 at 9:50 pm
I don’t think smacking is ever effective, and in many ways when parents use it it’s because they’ve lost control of the situation. It can be hard not to use it, especially if you grew up in an environment where it was common. I know I’m much more conscious of it and try very hard to not do it. I wont say I never have, but as parents we owe it to our children to use discipline as an opportunity to teach our children, not to hurt them.
#thatfridaylinky
Zaleina
November 4, 2017 at 10:32 pm
It really doesn’t work. At all. I’ve tried it but it was a poor reaction to their tantrum. And that’s what it becomes for us too. It’s time you need instead, to take deep breaths and control your own emotions, and figure out a better strategy. We end up confiscating toys and electronics instead.
Dad
November 5, 2017 at 12:44 am
They happened to be talking about this on the radio just the other day. The research is pretty conclusive – smacking is not effective for developing positive behaviour in kids and it can have serious, long-term effects. I’m against it, no place in today’s society.
Chloe
November 5, 2017 at 10:11 am
Hi, you have raised some interesting questions in this post, I personally don’t agree with it #ThatFridayLinky
Christopher McGuire
November 5, 2017 at 1:58 pm
I was certainly often smacked when I was child. I don’t believe I suffered any real ill effects as a result of this! That said, I don’t intend to smack my son. Being a parent is tricky, I don’t want to criticise other parents for what they do. If parents want to smack – in a proportional manner – that’s their business. Personally, it’s not a path I want to follow. #thatfridaylinky
Amie
November 5, 2017 at 8:52 pm
I don’t agree with smacking at all and I have with my children before when they’re doing something potentially dangerous or just being very very bad. I hate it and felt really really guilty and we’re trying other methods of discipline.
I do understand why people do it though and the fear of having your own children turning out like most of the youth nowadays which I 100% put it down to lack of discipline.
I use me and my brothers as an example. I was smacked and disciplined hard and I have a lot of respect for my parents and am not pretty well mannered if I do say so myself haha. And on the other hand my brothers were never really smacked or disciplined hard and they’re complete disrespectful nightmares!! #ThatFridayLinky
Jo – Pickle & Poppet
November 5, 2017 at 9:44 pm
I do not agree with smacking, I teach my children that hands need to kind, I would be a hypocrite to then be unkind. I have no idea why anyone would give another person the authority to smack their child, I would not have someone lay one hand on my children! I cannot believe that it is still considered ‘OK’ #ThatFridayLinky
Jaki
November 6, 2017 at 12:51 pm
I don’t agree with it at all and completely agree with you that it should be made illegal. A man can’t hit a woman and vice versa so why is it right for a grown adult to hit a child? It gets me riled up thinking about it so I will leave it there! Nice one for sharing such an important topic! #thatfridaylinky
Musings of a tired mummy…zzz…
November 8, 2017 at 9:45 pm
How can we teach children not to hit others if we smack them? Double standards will lead to confusion #thatfridaylinky