Why I think It’s Not Ok! To Argue In Front Of Your Children

The other day I read a post that was written by Carl who blogs at Dadtastic voyage called Why Arguing In Front Of Your Kids Isn’t Always A Bad Thing. First of all I loved the post and I think the argument he shows is valid and he makes some very important points about how your children should see that we can’t all get on all the time it’s the nature of the human being to disagree with others at different times, so total respect to Carl but I feel there is a big difference between arguing in front of children or simply disagreeing with your partner/wife or who you share your life with. I will now explain in more detail why I think that arguing in front of your children should always be avoided.

When I was growing up I had parents that had no problem sending our lives into a chaotic dysfunctional existence, my father was a violent alcoholic bully that thought nothing of using violence in the family home, couple this with a mother who was a manic depressive that spent most days in bed and we had a situation that didn’t even slightly resemble a happy family home.

What neither of my parents realised or cared about was that they were shaping the young minds of their children and normalising arguing, violence, which consequently left me believing that it was ok to be argumentative, and yes violent to anybody that disagreed with me in life, I had been basically brainwashed Conditioned to believe that was how people behaved in life, and it took me until my early twenties before I woke up and realised this was all wrong. But the hurt I caused along the way was something I have to live with for most of my life.

What changed was I didn’t want to be angry anymore it really was that simple. I also made a pledge to myself that if one day I was lucky enough to have children I was never going to argue in front of my children. Well that was the idea.

In my first marriage which broke and ended in divorce for a number of reasons but it also brought back my childhood memories with a vengeance, and for a long time I felt I was turning into my parents.

So I did what I thought was the best thing to do which I believe was the exactly the right decision I left the family home, to form a strong solid bond with my three children from that marriage which I have done.

In my second marriage I have twin girls who are now six years old, and I can honestly say I don’t think they have ever seen my wife and myself argue in a full blown argument. That is not say we don’t disagree on certain issues because like all relationships we do, but I find nowadays it’s about compromise and respecting somebody else’s opinion.

Which is what I have tried to teach my children respect other people’s opinions but don’t argue and shout at them into submission and actually it sometimes takes a bigger person to back down even when you are possibly right, to avoid unnecessary confrontation to live in harmony with each other. So much energy is wasted on arguing and I want my children to realise that.

I truly believe we can live our lives without arguing and teach our children that arguing doesn’t solve problems infact it creates even more problems and omg! The world has enough of them at that the moment. Let’s teach our children peaceful solutions to problems not shouting and arguing. I feel it’s a far more important life skill for them to learn.

Do you think it’s ok to argue in front of your children? Or it should always be avoided. I would love to know what you think.