Is respect a given or do you have earn it?
This is an age old question and not one that I actually understand. Growing up I always heard respect your elders. Why’s that then? Because they are old, have lived longer etc so it’s their right to have my respect? No!
I will explain my thinking on this and please remember it’s just my personal opinion.
I have always believed that respect is a two way street and that just because somebody is 40 years older than me doesn’t mean I have to respect them. They could be a very obnoxious person and treating me like rubbish, so for me age just doesn’t come into it. Somebody that treats me badly simply doesn’t deserve my respect, yet older people think it’s their right, regardless of their behaviour.
When I was in my mid-teens I was given the most invaluable advice by a very wise person that I have lived by ever since. “Treat people as you would want to be treated yourself”. Never a truer word spoken.
Part of that is to respect your fellow human being and hopefully you will gain respect back. I’m not saying you always do, but hopefully most of the time you will.
As a painter/decorator I meet all sorts of people and more often than not they are of the older generation. Just the other week I was employed to do some exterior painting to a semi-detached property preparing and painting window-sills. The couple were in their 80’s and came across very nice. Although he kept saying how ill they both were. Looking back they looked fitter than me. So I prepared and painted the window-sills one afternoon to come back the following morning to second coat all the window-sills.
I might add I have painted thousands of window-sills over the years and never once had a complaint.
Anyway I finished at about 5pm on the Friday and said I would see him 8am the following morning. I turned up as planned and was greeted by a very angry and agitated man.
He was shouting at me, get all your stuff and clear off, without any explanation. I could have stood there and argued, but what was the point? I knew it was pointless, but he refused to explain and that was that. A total lack of respect for me and if I’m honest because he was elderly he thought he could get away with it. So I left unpaid and with a very sour taste in my mouth.
I’m not saying all elderly people are like this because they are not. I know because I have worked for hundreds without any issue, but this makes it difficult to respect when respect is not given.
The truth is I don’t think you earn or deserve respect. It is formed mutually between people by the way they talk and act towards each other and respect appears naturally from your inner self .
7 Comments
Sarah Howe
November 9, 2016 at 7:18 am
Wow Nigel don’t know how you kept your calm. Very rude and you deserved an explanation. I do agree respect should be earnt but I’m teaching my little one to be respectful to begin with everyone…she can always change her mind! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx
Fran Back With a Bump
November 9, 2016 at 7:18 am
Thats awful. I wear some old people have nothing better to do with their time than moan and generally be a pain in the arse! Respect is definitely a two way thing and I was brought up to respect my elders and yountreat people the way younwant to be trrated yourself. Its not always easy though and ive gone from beong part of a team to being the manager and that respect shift was really tricky. I’d be inclined to send him an invoice for what you’d done so far. #bestandworst
Rach
November 9, 2016 at 9:16 am
You’re bang on the money with this one. It reminds me of a post I wrote earlier this year about manners and an elderly lady who I tried to help and threw it back in my face. #bestandworst
Fiona Cambouropoulos
November 9, 2016 at 11:13 am
Such a great debate, so hard to get it right. I guess I believe in a bit of both, age deserves respect for it’s wisdom, but it has to be received well and built upon, thery by being eared too. #BestWorst
five little doves
November 9, 2016 at 9:55 pm
Wow you did well to keep your cool there! I think respect is a given when it’s your elders, although that also depends on just how much a person deserves that respect, but amongst your peers it is definitely something that should be earned. #bestandworst
Lisa
November 10, 2016 at 8:05 pm
Oh my goodness, this sounds so familiar. I worked in a call centre for a high end audio specialist and the majority of customers were elderly and so rude that if I’d not been working, I would have given them a proper dressing down. That said, I take the view that I respect someone until they give me reason not to. Great post and thanks for sharing, well done on being incredibly professional #bestandworse x
Crummy Mummy
November 13, 2016 at 4:30 pm
Sounds like a nightmare customer – there’s always one! #bestandworst