My Childhood, marriages and Children looking back.

As regular readers of my blog will know I’m a dad of five children, but looking back at my own childhood I’m amazed I ever had any children at all.

Both of my biological parents were probably the most selfish people I had the misfortune to meet. My father was an alcoholic and constantly having affairs, and until he eventually left when I was eight years old he did all of us a favour in all honesty.

My mother actually was not much better. Many years later it came to light that she had been having affairs. In amongst this train wreck of a marriage was three children. The truth is, should they have ever had children? No, is the simple answer. Would social services be involved today? Well, yes and we would have probably gone into care. Yes in today’s world, but no we were just passed from pillar to post and lived with different family members for indefinite periods.

I grew up quickly. I had to. My mother was spaced out on Valium 24/7 and totally depressed over the situation of her life and marriage that she was in, which of course she was 50% to blame for. In all honesty they should never had children. They were selfish, non-committed, self obsessed and totally only concerned about their own needs and wants.

What I saw as a child took my innocence away at a very young age. I didn’t have the luxury of being a child. Of not worrying about anything. Responsibility was thrust upon me without any consideration to my age or innonence. I was cooking for myself by the time I was 10. It was either that or starve.

Coming home from school was always something to look forward to. Where the majority of children would arrive home to loving parents asking with excitement all about their school day. Me? Well I would arrive to see my mother still in bed exactly where I left her in the morning and on a number of ocassions having taken an overdose and having to be rushed to hospital. 

After a number years she started to improve when another incredible situation arose. I would get a new daddy every few months! A fantastic role model for parenthood. Ha! All the while my biological father was nowhere to be seen 

Growing up I saw alcoholism, violence, adultery, depression, abandonment and a feeling of loneliness that’s so hard to explain.

The alienation I felt in school was so hard to bear. I clearly remember sitting in class thinking I was the only child from a messed up home . Obviously now I realised I wasn’t, but in reality there wasn’t many of us. These experiences and memories were to stay with me long into adulthood. 

Through all of this I am stunned that I have turned out a well adjusted adult or at least I think I am! It has left a few mental scars and that I’m amazed that I was able to form a relationship let alone become a dad. It never ceases to surprise me, but I did. 

My question to myself is simple. Which I can answer myself! Did all the bad parts of growing up make me a good dad and a better person? The answer is yes! I’m incredibly proud of being a dad to five children who I love with all my heart. 

So what makes being a dad such a special thing? For me it’s the little things…

1. When any of my children just say I love you without being prompted. It’s always a lovely feeling because it’s not something I grew up hearing In fact even now my mother struggles to say it to me. 

2. When my 17 year old son puts a kiss on the end of one of his texts. Believe me that doesn’t happen often. It makes me feel so very good inside. 

3. When my older children ring me for advice, not that they probably take it, but it’s flattering they ask. 

4. When the twins wake in the middle of the night they come and cuddle me in our bed as if I am their security blanket. Or they are cold!

5. When the older ones ring asking for money that always makes me feel wanted. Ha ha! 

6. Being fortunate to have four year old twins is always a bonus. They have a wonderful ability to just give you a cuddle and kiss at any given moment which is very special. 

There are many more, but I’m quite sure I never planned on getting married or having children because of the incredibly tough and very difficult unconventional childhood I had. I went on to get married twice and have five children. So out of the traumatic childhood I had came an almost sensible normal adult who I think is a pretty good dad! 

I have also being lucky to marry the woman of my dreams and who I believe I was looking for all my life and I love so very much. She’s quite a good blogger too! 

Did some of your childhood experiences make you a better adult, parent, husband, wife, partner? I’d love to hear about it!