Advising Your Children In Their Teens: Don’t Do It

Regular readers of my blog will know that I am a father of five children, two of them have left their teenage years oh yes! Thank god for that, one is still a teenager, please oh ! Please let the next two years go quickly, haha! And of course I have five year old twin girls, another eight years before we hit those magical but difficult and moody years. I just can’t wait, I’m so excited at the thought of two children becoming teenagers at the same time. Not.

I have often read posts where people write about advice they would give to their younger selves, and quite honestly I love them, I always find them fascinating but also very honest. When I was growing up there always seemed to be a older relative quick to advise how I should live my life to do things this way or that way, and no doubt it was done with the best intentions. Did I listen OMG! Not a chance I was a teenager I knew best how could they possibly know what it’s like to be a teenager. Of course they do, and if I took their advice invariably it was the wrong thing to do, because I needed make my own decisions, which of course so often they were wrong, but that taught me a valuable life lesson to take though life with me.

When I became a parent I decided very early on that I would listen to my children, but never advice them on a any decision, I would talk about it with them, but let them make the decision about pro and cons of the final decision.

When my eldest two daughters were teenagers they used to talk to me about situations or problems they may have and although you have this overwhelming feeling to protect them at all costs, I found myself taking a step backwards, and encouraging my daughters to make their own decisions about any situations they may find themselves in. Although this appears extreme, I have found that by talking to them (not advising) they can make their own decision sometimes they will get it right and sometimes very wrong. Either way it will be their decision, and hopefully teach them a very valuable life lesson.

Advising teenagers in my humble experience can be a very dangerous game, you may know it’s the right thing to do, but part of a teenagers make-up is to reject any advice given to them by anybody that is above 20 years old. A fact believe me.

My eldest two daughters have turned ok in my opinion they still make what I consider suspect decisions, but more importantly they always ask me to talk though situations that are going on in their lives. I believe that comes from not telling them what to do when they were teenagers, but listening and talking to them as teenagers and allowing them to work out the decision right or wrong, but also live with that decision.

I would love to know what you think .