Apparently Dads Don’t Babysit!
The last six months or so I have seen an increasing amount of comments about dads saying we don’t babysit our children.
In all honesty, of course we don’t babysit our own children. You can’t, it’s simply not possible!
The issue for me is why is it so necessary to be bombarded with marketing all about dads don’t babysit, blah, blah, blah! It’s boring and just heightens the interest in a dead in the water old comment that quite honestly has only ever been said to me a handful of times in over 20 years of parenting, and always said by people of the elderly generation and I mean elderly over 80.
Why would they say it? Well they grew up having children in an era where it was common practice to use phraseology like that. Mum is out so dad must be babysitting.
There is of course a lot of merchandise out there making money out of an out of date phrase. They are in truth the ones keeping this myth alive because they can earn from it. If you were honest with yourself when was the last time somebody said to you, hey look dad is babysitting. I genuinely can’t remember the last time because it’s never said to me.
Of course those people producing t-shirts, mugs etc could be honest and say well we are making some money that’s what it is really about not a because they want to stop people saying, ‘Dads don’t Babysit.’
What really irritates me is that you have fathers who don’t bother with children and so very little is said about that. Mothers and fathers struggling on their own to bring up children with no financial help from the other biological partner.
We are concerned about people saying Dads Don’t Babysit? Seriously people! Get a grip and live in the real world. This kind of campaign is just not necessary or important and to be offended should somebody say it to you, don’t you think you are being a little bit sensitive?
By producing all this merchandise we are prolonging the use of such phrases!
Would love to know what you think.
7 Comments
Simon (Man vs. Pink)
September 21, 2016 at 5:53 am
If it doesn’t bother you, that’s cool – but I don’t think it’s fair to label anyone who does as being ‘sensitive’ and needing to ‘get a grip’. People can (and do) say exactly the same thing about gendered marketing to kids which I know irritates us both.
I’ve only been a dad for 4 years, and in that time it’s been said to me a number of occasions by strangers. These are not people who would have seen it on a t-shirt (which is from the US non-profit National At Home Dad Network), but actually believe that a dad looking after his kids is simply babysitting until mum returns. This is an outdated attitude that I feel is worth challenging.
Nigel
September 21, 2016 at 6:59 am
Hi Simon totally respect your opinion maybe I over generalised the sensitive side of it. I just feel there are lot worst things to worry about in life than this it really is only a personal view if I offended yourself Im sorry not my intention thank you commenting
Martin Lee
September 21, 2016 at 6:23 am
Great article, however I have heard this comment several times this year, from dad’s! It’s not that I am sensitive to it but putty those fathers and question their belief about their role within the family. I think it is a handful of sayings that need to be irradicated if we are to encourage the role of the Father in the home…
Mark
September 21, 2016 at 10:11 am
Whoa, that’s a brave shout 🙂 Poking a hornets nest with that one!
I’ve been a SAHD for 6 years, never once had it said to me. And yet, with fear of being ostracised by my brethren, I say it all the time about myself?
On a superficial level I totally agree. However, if it’s more about highlighting bigger issues with parental equality and fatherhood I can kind of see the point.
If it is, whether this is the best way to go about it, I’m not sure. Do most people read it literally, probably. I know I did. And my initial reaction wasn’t exactly positive.
Robb
September 21, 2016 at 7:41 pm
Yes. This. I’ve been irked by this bellyaching for a while now.
Possibly the worst thing of all is dads acting like an oppressed minority. The “D.D.B” merch is fine, but how many dads are wearing shirts advocating for equal pay for women or LGBTQ rights? Or a mug that says “Women aren’t housekeepers?”
Like you said, I’ve noticed these types of comments are usually by someone over at least 50; I think we should give older generations a learning curve; this isn’t the world they’ve lived in for decades.
Also (granted, these guys are exceptions), there are the dads who complain about this gender bias, but gleefully post the sexist memes about women shopping or nagging or whatever other stereotype.
Thanks for writing this. Glad I’m not alone.
jeremy@thirstydaddy
September 23, 2016 at 2:47 am
I’ve got to disagree with you on this one Nige. Not about being over sensitive, I probably am, but it still pisses me off that so many people think that dads aren’t as involved in parenting as moms are. I still come across this fairly often. I also get a lot of compliments on my shirt and think it sends the message that things have changed and we deserve more respect
Martyn
September 23, 2016 at 4:23 pm
I’ve written twice on this topic. I think the difference is clear though.
Being a stay at home dad you get it a lot more than maybe working dad’s do. I’ve heard this a lot. I think it does need to be challenged in areas and vocalise to help stop this stupid phrase being said.
I get it as a sahd as much as I do as a single dad. The latter more so. It stems from the fact that the statement belittled the role of a Dad. I shouldn’t have to justify where mum is or that my role is less to hers. And that is what bothers me and I think it needs saying as I’ve heard it from both men and women.
Your second point I stand by though. The merchandise and using a tagline to make money is annoying! And I do get cross at that….it’s not helping the causes at stopping people saying. The original t-shirt from the non profit stay at home dad network is one thing to respect but to earn of it is just picking up on a trend and not taking it seriously.