Blogging Gave Me My Voice

It’s been an interesting journey on my blog over the last three years, but one thing I have learnt about myself is that its given me my voice. This is something I have struggled with all my life, through a lack of self confidence.

I have always been very socially awkward, when I am on a one to one basis with other people. I have always felt comfortable, but put me with a large group of people and I mean usually more than three other people and panic and anxiety sets in very quickly. It all comes very difficult for me to involve myself, or actually what I have to say is of any interest to anybody, my feeling of being surplus to requirements always rears it’s ugly head. In the past, although I would have an opinion on something, I would find it difficult to voice my thoughts for fear of being ridiculed, or worse still just being ignored.

Three years ago I started a blog without any real intention but to chronicle my life and my kids and their lives, but it gave me something else even, if it was from behind a keyboard it gave me my voice. I felt comfortable in voicing my opinion on subjects that I have always been passionate about, but never had the courage to say in public, my thoughts and beliefs.

My blog has enabled me to speak about subjects that are close to my heart, but also to speak about my childhood which was very dysfunctional and utterly messed up, and also the numerous difficulties that I have faced in my life, don’t get me wrong I know many people are considerably worse off than me and have much more difficult childhoods. My blog has been a therapy to alleviate some of the terrible memories of my past.

My lack of self confidence in public, especially with people that I don’t know very well, makes me believe that I’m actually socially awkward, which I know I am, I am getting better, making the decision to go a blogging conference last year helped me enormously and helped me gain some confidence when around people.

Going through my life with a lack of confidence can hold you back, because you simply don’t feel worthy of an opinion that other people might find interesting. It’s a lack of self esteem, which can also lead to depression, which in my case this is how it has ended up at different times of my life.

Of course as a man I was taught and conditioned not to show my feelings, bottling up how you are feeling as a man or woman can only compound the problem. Thankfully today men are encouraged to say how they’re feeling, and not to hide it away. Men need to and today they do show emotion. It’s not a weakness, it’s a strength. For a man to show emotion and even cry.

My blog has helped more than anything else, for me to be able to write how I was feeling, what I felt? And it gave me my voice for the first time in my life.