Brilliant Dad Feature Week 78

This week our brilliant dad feature is all about David, a dad of two, Fidget & Little Man, aged four and 18 months old respectively. He has recently launched his parenting and family-style blog called Tales of two children. It’s an awesome read, take a look, you won’t be disappointed. Thank you to David for taking part. 

1. Have you always wanted to be a dad?

Not. At. All. For years, fatherhood was never really on the agenda for me. My friends and I used to discuss how often we notice things change when friends had children; how friends with children drift from your life because their priorities change. You remain friends, but the boys’ nights out and guy things happen less often. Once their children came along, going out had to be planned in advance. 

But for the rest of us, we lived our lives in an impulsive, spontaneous way that worked for us, but less and less so for our father friends. Couple this mentality with the fact that my late teens and twenties saw me wrapped up in a career that was not, in my mind, conducive to settling down and family life and you may understand why I came late to the best experience in the world, fatherhood. 

My chosen career meant that I spent a lot of time overseas, sometimes leaving at short notice and quite often for long periods. I just didn’t see family life working for me under those circumstances. Relationships tended to be short-lived, mainly due to the periods of separation that came with my job. 

It has been in later life that family life has happened for me. It took someone very special to help me see the light! I guess it is all about timing … and time and a wonderful lady caught up with me eventually, and now that we have Fidget & Little Man, I’m extremely glad my time came. I feel truly blessed.

2. How did you feel when your children were born?

Happy. Awed. Inspired. Scared. Heroic. Enamoured. Dazed. Humbled. Elated. Calm. Tired. Thankful. My emotions were in absolute turmoil. There is nothing that can prepare you for the deluge of emotion when you hold a new-born for the first time. The wave of happiness that followed both births is something I wish I could bottle. Because at no point in my life before or after their births have I ever felt anything quite so intensely. 

There was a sense of happiness so overwhelming that it was completelyuplifting and yet exhausting all at the same time. And all I’d done is watch and hold mum’s trembling hand! But one thing stood out on both occasions: I was madly in love with the little person I was holding. Fidget & Little Man changed everything. How you look at life changes. Your priorities take a swift dive out of the window to be re-evaluated later. Once the dust settles, some if not all of you priorities will remain on your list, but they slip down that list, because from then on family isnumber one. 

3. What has been the most rewarding experience so far as a dad?

This is not an easy question. I would suggest all aspects of fatherhood. I know that sounds like a cop out, but I don’t want one thing to outweigh others. After all, you can break it down to hundreds of little things that make them and you happy together. Or put it down to the one main focus like having them in your life and trying to lead them along the right path and witnessing them react positively and compassionately in certain situations. Or it could be something as simple as a smile, a cuddle or an “I love you, daddy. And I miss you at work,” (Fidget’s favourite thing to say to me) as you walk through the door. Can there be anything finer than that? I don’t think so. Having come from a broken home myself it is important to me that they feel included, supported, heard, and loved. This is something mum and I strive for everyday. And when you realise that that is exactly how they feel then that for us is hugely rewarding. 

To put it in a nutshell, Fidget & Little Man and their mum are the love of my life and nothing will ever change that. I come home from a tough day at work and I’m greeted with smiles, laughter and cuddles. It lifts you. With my two happy chappies whirling around the house like toddler size tornadoes, there’s no time to spend time stressing about life or the price of chips. That brief time when I come through the door and their bedtime is too important to us all. It’s the best part of each work day. And the weekends are magical. That’s reward enough for me.

4.What are some of the funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?

The list is long and distinguished. Fidget & Little Man are wonderful children but like other children are prone to the odd faux pas and some amazing physical and linguistic funnies. Fidget often inverts her syntax and creates phrases that only she can decipher, and has us rocking with laughter in the process. It’s endlessly entertaining, especially as she thinks of herself as a grown up and thinks she can speak like one. Add adult mannerisms into the mix and you get some extremely funny moments. 

 Little Man, who will turn 18 months next week, is still at the slapstick stage and can manage to bounce off walls, cabinets, tables and chairs with an ease that would amaze the casual onlooker. Little Man can bounce off things that are nowhere near him or on the route he is trying to take. 

What is probably the funniest thing with Little Man is when he starts to run and the top half of his body is going faster than the bottom half and you can see catastrophe approaching but can’t get there in time! Fidget loves it when Little Man chases her, because he still leans to turn corners, which, once again, messes with his ability to retain balance and the faster he goes the more she likes it. Little Man bounces well and finds it hilarious even when he hurts himself – mainly because Fidget has collapsed in hysterics! Laughter appears to be our family default mode. Which can’t be a bad thing.

But if I was to say what the funniest moments are, it would be the spontaneous moments; the moments when a smile turns into uncontrollable laughter and the whole family join in. I would hope all families have moments like these and that they cherish those moments as much as we do.

5. Have there been any situations with your children that you have found difficult?

I definitely have a default answer to this question! And the backdrop to my answer is the first few weeks after Little Man’s birth. To give the situation some context, Little Man is our second child – little brother to big sister, Fidget. Fidget’s birth was, by comparison, a walk in the park, so although both mum and I had the usual anxieties about Little Man’s arrival, and because the pregnancy had gone smoothly, we didn’t think we really had much to worry about. Little did we know! 

During the birth Little Man’s heartrate plummeted and we were rushed from the birthing suite to an emergency room and he was dragged into the world via a ventouse suction cap, with what appeared to us to be half of the hospital on standby. Within a week of birth he was jaundiced and was admitted to hospital and placed in an ultraviolet bed that looked like something from Star Trek. Then he caught a cold which escalated into bronchiolitis and he stopped breathing twice and was rushed to hospital and then admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at Great Ormond Street Hospital (GOSH). We really thought we were going to lose him at one point. Seeing your child turn blue in front of your eyes is something no parent should have to witness. 

So that they could work on him and for the move to GOSH the doctors had paralysed him so that he did not disturb all the tubes they had placed in him. It was truly frightening to see. He had that waxy complexion you associate with old Victorian dolls. He was only 12 days old and we were panicked that 12 days was going to be his lot. It was probably the hardest time of our lives. We knew he was in excellent hands at GOSH and he had one-to-one care 24 hours a day in the NICU, but still you worry. You still inwardly tear yourself apart wondering what you could have done differently. How you could have prevented what happened. 

I can’t speak highly enough of the team at GOSH. Not only did they fix Little Man, but they took great care of us and supported us through this time and all of our anxieties. They made us understand that we were not to blame; that we had done nothing wrong. Little Man spent a week in NICU at GOSH. It was probably one of the longest week of our lives. I say probably because the first week home after he had been discharged may come a close second because we were scared to sleep in case it happened again; in case he relapsed. But we trusted the staff at GOSH and Little Man’s ability to bounce back. Little Man is now a little tornado and unless he hears about his bumpy start in life would be none the wiser. In that respect I count ourselves amongthe luckiest parents alive. 

6. What are your dreams and hopes for your children?

We have caught a train with this question and first stop my answer will arrive at is cliché city. How to be original here? Obviously, I want them to be happy. I want them to have great memories of growing up in a loving home. That one is hugely important to me because as I said earlier, I came from a broken home. I also want them to understand that they can strive to be whatever they want to be in life, but with a clear understanding that they will need to work hard to get it. I want them to understand that working hard is not a bad thing. I want them to grow up understanding that no one owes them a living. And I also want them to understand that even if they have done their very best but don’t achieve their goal, then that’s okay too. I want them to be the type of people who get knocked down only to get back up and brush themselves off and move forward having learnt from the experience. I want them to be compassionate. I want them to be caring. I want them to besupportive. I want them to have open minds. I want them to be healthy. I want them to be mentally strong. I want them to know and understand that family life and relationships can be rocky, and that mending bridges is important and that regret can last a long time, especially when opportunities to mend bridges are missed and lost forever. I suppose I want them to be good human beings. But mostly, I want them to be happy with who they are and happy with whatever they choose to be.

Thank you to David for taking part!