As most people who read my blog will know I’m a father of five children. It is without question the toughest job I have ever had, and I have certaintly had some tough jobs, but nothing compares to being sent on an emotional rollercoaster and being physically shattered from lack of sleep, however having to carry on because your child needs you. Pulling on your heart strings and giving you constant worries, which I might add never go away.
So this week
my four year old twin girls started school full-time. It frightens me how quickly four and half years has flown by. It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing them home from the special care unit and now they are in school full-time. It was a big build up to the first day and on that moment they walk away from you into the care of a new teacher who is also a total stranger to them and us, it’s actually emotionally draining and yes when one of them starts to cry a bit it does feel like a knife being plunged though your heart.
I actually feel like I’m abandoning them. It’s heartbreaking. This all sounds very dramatic I know, but this is your own child and all of sudden everything changes. You’re no longer their full time protector or provider, you are passing that over to a stranger, well not quite a stranger, but it just feels like it. Of course I know they will be fine, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
This is also the final milestone for me. It’s the last of my children starting school. One thing thankfully, is that I got to have my twin girls for the last four years on certain days to myself, and I will be forever grateful for that. I’m so happy that I reduced my work to form a bond that is now so strong with my daughters and I got to see so many firsts that I most likely would have been missed had I been working full-time.
My wife and I both took and picked up the girls from their first day and interestly there were not many other mums and dads doing this together. I fully appreciate it’s not always possible, but for me it was so important to be there for this huge moment in their lives, to support them and be there for them, and if I couldn’t take a little bit of time away from work for this big moment in their short lives, well I wouldn’t think much of myself as a parent.
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what school changes, but as parents we are no longer the only influence the girls will have and obviously that’s a good thing, so they grow and experience lots of new things in life, but it’s also a little bit sad.
No longer will I be at home making up silly games and having moments of magic or being nagged, dad can we do this can or go to the park?! Yes, sometimes I may have taken it for granted, but I will so very much miss those times.
This week has been emotionally draining as I watch my two little girls embark on the next adventure in their lives, SCHOOL.
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10 Comments
Our Rach
September 9, 2016 at 5:42 am
Ah Nige, I totally get this. All of it. The love for your kids is so clear to see in all of your posts. Lovely photos and I hope the twins first week went well. #binkylinky
Reimer Ruby
September 9, 2016 at 7:21 am
Aw what a bittersweet moment, isn't it? we parents always feel that way the first time our kids go to school. Hope your lovely twins settle in well in school which looks like they have. #binkylinky
Sarah Howe
September 9, 2016 at 9:36 am
Ah I'm glad all went ok but can imagine it's a very bitter sweet moment! My daughter is going next year as she's an Aug baby! Waaaa! She will be a little dot. Thanks for hosting x
omgitsagirl
September 9, 2016 at 10:29 am
Ah you big softy Nige.
Although it wasn't a choice, circumstances dictated, but like you I'm so glad at all the extra time I got with Buddy and now Little Miss OMG before school days started.
Great post.
#binkylinky
p.s. thanks for hosting
Laura Dove
September 9, 2016 at 10:39 am
I completely identify with this as Eva started school this week also. It's so hard to feel that you are losing them to school, and such a mix of emotions as ultimately you know that this is the start of an amazing time for them. I guess it's always harder with your youngest, I dread Harry starting – I'll be an absolute wreck! They look so gorgeous in their uniforms though bless them! #binkylinky
Jeremy Barnes
September 9, 2016 at 5:55 pm
I understand every word you're saying buddy. No matter what age they are, they're is always some sort of challenge or another #binkylinky
john adams
September 10, 2016 at 6:17 am
Firstly, good luck to your twins. Secondly….school changes EVERYTHING!! But then you will know that. My youngest starts next year. If the experience is going to be anything like her older sister's, she will grown up at an even more phenomenal rate. As you say, that'll be a milestone for me too. It'll be a bittersweet moment. One of those tough parenting moments I guess.
Helen Gandy – Beautiful Things
September 10, 2016 at 6:59 pm
Oh Nige I am totally with you, I feel drained and Alfie starts on Monday, arghhh, I also feel a little stressed as I'm not organised at all! Thanks for hosting #binkylinky
Eliana
September 11, 2016 at 3:27 pm
Totally agree with you. For us it was our first child going through this experience so the anxiety from my side, must say, was quite high, but she was so excited! Anyway, we've made it! First week is over now 🙂 all the best in this new stage! 🙂
#binkylinky
Jade – Raw Childhood
September 11, 2016 at 11:53 pm
I'm glad that their first day went ok! I'm glad to be saying that I won't be doing this for a while as I plan on homeschooling my two for a few years 🙂 #binkylinky