Our twin girls R and M are not good at sleeping in their own beds. They will go to bed, but it’s how long they stay there that’s the problem. M is usually awake before we go to bed and just about every night comes to bed with us.
I actually don’t mind because she is a very still sleeper and I don’t even notice her there. R is very different! She wriggles all over the bed and wakes everybody up in the process. The girls will be four years old very soon and I think it’s time they stayed in their own beds all night, but how far would I go to make sure this happens?
Like many of us I have watched the so called experts on television talk about how to get your children to sleep and quite frankly most of their advice is nonsense.
Here are some examples
1. Shut the bedroom door and let the child cry themselves to sleep or scream. Well you have to be a very hard person to listen to this and not get upset yourself. I personally tried it once and gave up after five minutes and it then took hours to get them to sleep.
2. Put a mattress down on the floor next to the bed and hold their hand until they go to sleep. Seriously very uncomfortable and how many hours will you be there and how long does it go on for as it could be months!
3. Sit outside the room until they go to sleep talking occasionally to reassure them that you are there, yet six hours later you’re still sitting there or you are on shifts with your partner!
There are many more ways to encourage your children to stay in bed, but I ask the question are any of them a proven answer to the problem? Most likely not.
I heard a story recently about a little boy who is around 20 months old. He wouldn’t go to sleep and had been awake since 4.30am without a nap during the day. At bedtime he was hitting, scramming and biting his mother.
In this situation what would you do? The little boys mum hit and scrammed him back, even admitting that she was close to biting the child back. Thankfully she resisted in the biting back, yet amazingly the child was still awake for hours. I have no idea what I would have done, but I know I definitely would not hit or scram the child as I believe in totally non-violence towards children. I simply don’t think it works.
I believe that as your child grows up they gradually wean themselves off sleeping with you. It is a natural progression.
The times I have heard parents say yes my son/daughter slept with us till they were five so actually it’s nothing new.
What I can’t work out is parents who get so hooked up on at all costs their children must sleep in their beds. Why? The stress on such people must be ridiculous, but I suppose each to their own
So with our twin girls I truly believe they will sleep in their own beds, but I suppose that will be when they’re ready. Call me soft, but actually it’s not the case. I just want to sleep myself!
A couple of nights ago R said I slept better and longer in my own bed and tonight I will do better again. When we went to bed we found R fast asleep in our bed! Very funny and I suppose if you can’t beat them join them! Funny thing is we thought we heard somebody moving around upstairs!
What do you think? I would love to hear your comments.
13 Comments
Jodie Allen at Budget Beauty and Babies
October 16, 2015 at 10:00 am
Luckily Lexie never got into the habit of sleeping with us so i'm hoping it stays that way as it's one less habit to change in the future. But honestly what's the harm if they want to sleep with you? If you're all getting a good nights sleep then go for it. Each to their own i think! Although Lexie doesn't sleep with us and I am grateful for that I totally would have if I needed to. #BinkyLinky
Sarah Howe – Run Jump Scrap
October 16, 2015 at 11:27 am
I shared this yesterday as thought a great post! We have similar issues and I'm loathed to get too stressed about it. Ultimately they will sleep in their beds and you need to sleep too!! I think as long as everyone happy and coping don't worry xx thanks for hosting X
Natalie
October 16, 2015 at 12:01 pm
My son was a brilliant sleeper up until about 3 weeks ago. We moved him in to a toddler bed and he loved it for the first few weeks, he would go to sleep straight away. Then one night he just refused to stay in bed and go to sleep. We tried everything, laying with him, sitting outside his room, singing to him.. none of it worked eventually we gave in and now he sleeps in our room every night. I don't mind though, like you i think they do it when they are ready. The only thing you can do is encourage them xx
Random Musings
October 16, 2015 at 4:20 pm
I think its a matter of doing what's right for you and your family. What works for one won't work for another. Personally, I think there are probably bigger fish to fry than whether or not a child sleeps in their bed or yours but each to their own 🙂 Thanks for hosting the #binkylinky
Debbie
Leandra Bramham
October 17, 2015 at 6:01 am
Oh I really needed to hear this today! Our son sleeps very well when he's in with us, but I've been trying to get him to stay in his room, last night I was up and down 8 times, he's nearly 4 too. My husband keeps saying to just let him sleep in with us (we've only got the 1) as that way at least I get some sleep. I couldn't agree more with all of your comments, finding myself nodding at reading it each one. You are so right about getting stressed about it, there's just no point! Thanks for writing this and for co-hosting #binkylinky 😀
Our Cherry Tree
October 17, 2015 at 7:29 am
Great post – it's not like any of us were sharing a bed with our parents when we were teens (that would be gross) – they'll get there in the end! I'm lucky that mine don't sleep with us unless they're ill, I need my sleep…
supermum and other disguises
October 17, 2015 at 7:30 am
If ours wake up we either get them in bed with us or, if its a wriggler we go and sleep in there (todder bed) with them until they are asleep and then back to bed. Good idea to get a single bed for that reason. Our daughter 4 has a small double so that we can have more room for guests and I think I want to get a single for the boy (2)!
Coombe Mill
October 18, 2015 at 10:53 am
There are no right answers here and I think each child responds to different things, only the parent knows what is best for their child, I used controlled crying with my first which worked, thankfully I never had to do anything for the rest, they all liked their sleep too much!
Bethan Sian
October 18, 2015 at 11:49 am
I co-slept with my first daughter, I was a single mum but then I felt it was the right time to stop it as I knew I wasn't sleeping properly because I knew Mia was in bed with me too.
My second child never slept in my bed and she goes through phases (going through one now!) where she wont settle in her bed at night We go up every 20 mins or so and put her into bed, there are a few shouting from me because I get so fed up. She screasm and screams. She has woken Mia up countless of times. It is hard but I do believe in control-crying x #KCACOLS
Arthur Wears
October 18, 2015 at 7:37 pm
Arthur is now 9 months and from 7 months he started to get very upset when he woke up in the night and found out he was on his own – we tried different things, but the best way to help him through the separation anxiety (and also make sure that he and we actually get some sleep) is to bring him into bed with us. It has made night feeds easier and we all get more sleep because of it. He won't be little for long and he won't want to be in there when he's older so I'm trying to be relaxed about it! I think every child is different and whilst some sleep training methods may be great for some, for others they will never work….last time we tried, Arthur was still awake at 3am having not yet gone to sleep and we decided that we had 'persevered' enough. Co-sleeping works for us right now , and I actually think that for us, it does more good than harm ( despite what some people's opinions may be!) #KCACOLS
Something Crunchy Mummy
October 21, 2015 at 9:44 am
This is such a hard subject as every child is different. I couldn't do the screaming and shouting so we sat with Finley and eventually he would fall asleep on his own. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
Ethan.n.Evelyn
October 23, 2015 at 12:48 am
Haha – I see you have a cheeky one upstairs! Every child is different. I really dislike the above advice as well. It is just cruel! Thankfully, Ethan likes his bed and so does Evelyn likes her cot, but from time to time – they like to come and sleep with us too and I don't mind that at all. 🙂 Thanks for linking up with me again. Also please don't forget your badge. #FabFridayPost
Franca Desjardins
October 24, 2015 at 9:58 am
I know what you mean! I have 2 girls (5 and 1 yo) which sleep together in the same room. The little one is fine as she sleeps in a cot and she sleeps through the night but the problem is the eldest. She always falls asleep in our bedroom and then we move her to her bedroom. Then she wakes up in the middle of the night with an excuse (I think she has said all the ones available there LOL) and she ends up back in our bed!! This happens every night now and I don't know what to do either. And she takes all the space of our bed as she sleeps in a horizontal position so her head is on my legs and her legs on Nick's legs!! So not a lot of sleep for us!! I guess there will be a moment that she will stop but the question is when? Thanks so much for joining me at #KCACOLS. I hope you can join me again! x
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