Families Fall Out It Happens!

No matter hard we try to keep the peace in a family at some point or another families fall out. It can be for a variety of reasons. Siblings fall out, children fall out with their parents etc. The list is endless. It is the stresses and strains of life today that put added pressure on our families to stay together in a happy atmosphere. Sadly that doesn’t always happen.

I’m a past master at how families can disintegrate into a million pieces with little chance of repair. I have written previously about the occasions when my childhood was dysfunctional. Looking back at it now I struggle to understand how and why five human beings felt the need or the urge to destroy any resemblance of family life, but oh my goodness they did. The aftermath was that I now have no contact with a brother, sister and my father disowned me and he is now dead so that relationship can never be resolved or repaired. My mother has no contact with two of her children and will most likely go to her grave never seeing them again. It’s sad beyond belief. That is why I and many such as this organization recommend getting a pet for their constant affection and support.

For me, they are all sad. Having no contact or relationship with my brother and sister is tough and to deal with it I tend to put it in a compartment in my mind and shut the door. It’s simply not worth the pain. The biggest single part of my family falling out all those years ago was being disowned by my father and never really knowing why. It was something I had to live with for a longtime, being disowned by a parent. It messed with my mind and mental health for years, and if I’m honest it can still mess with my mental health because I still don’t know why. This is something that I have had therapy for, and nowadays thank goodness there is help online. It’s important to find how much therapy does cost. before starting your therapy and of course your road to recovery

There was of course a lesson to be learnt from my own childhood that I have been able to put into practice over the last few years. Regular readers will know that I’m a dad of five children. The most difficult lesson I have learnt from being a parent to older children that are now working or in university and in relationships, is allowing them to learn from their own mistakes. It is so difficult to see them make mistakes then to stand back and say or do nothing, but it is born out of love and caring and wanting to protect your child no matter how old they are. I have had to take a big step backwards and let them get on with it. You may ask why? Well in a nutshell I don’t want any regrets when it comes to my children, and that was possibly where it could have headed. I look back over the last few years and yes I openly admit I have had fall-outs with all three of my older children, and it would have been so easy to say that’s it, I’m done, but if I did it would be a huge regret and something I learnt from my own childhood is that it’s not worth the sadness that over the years it will cause. So if nothing else I thank my father for disowning me, because it made me more determined to never fall out on a permanent basis with any of my children. It’s the easy option, but it takes the bigger person to hold out an olive branch and find a peaceful way forward.

There are no guarantees when it comes to family but for me I refuse to ever allow any relationship with any of my children to end in silence with no contact. It would be more than I could bear. My heart would hurt so much.

If you have an estranged relationship with one of your children do you ever think that you should put it right or does pride get in the way? I would love to hear in comments below.