Feeling obsolete as a Dad

With my older children it’s a strange feeling, but one I can fully understand. I know they have grown up and are now leading their own lives which is entirely acceptable. All I ask is that I speak to them once in a while to make sure they are ok and I am really ok with that. Life moves on and that’s just the way it is. 

My four year old twins, well that’s different. They are still completly reliant on their mummy and daddy for just about everything. Whether it be eating, going to bed or just to play games with, which I might I add is never stops!

For a while now I feel at times very obsolete except on a Monday and Tuesday when I am a stay at home dad. Everything is different then because they only have me, but as soon as 5pm arrives I am pushed to one side in favour of their mummy. I do understand they have not seen their mummy all day, but I feel invisible. Which is sometimes hard to bear because on the days I’m at work when I come home I actually still feel invisible. I walk in and the twins have not even noticed. Maybe I’m being over-sensitive, but in recent times I have noticed it more. 

Over the last few months I rarely get cuddles or a kiss and very occasionally hear the words, ‘I love you’. Yet all I hear is my wife being told how much they love her, constantly giving her cuddles and kisses. 

This is starting to undermine my confidence. That I am doing something wrong as a dad. I know I can come across as a confident person, but the truth is I have same insecurities as any other person. It’s difficult without a question. 

I have now begun to question my ability as a good dad. What is it that I do that is so different to what my wife does? I draw a blank. The twins just seem to want to be with mum more than me.

Of course this could all just be a phase that the twins are going through and I’m sure that in the past they were more for me than my wife. Although I honestly cannot remember such times. 

I’m not saying I’m jealous of the attention my wife receives from our four year old twin girls because I’m definitely not and I love watching the interaction between them all. It’s magical and wonderful all wrapped up together.

Your children, without them realising it, have an uncanny knack of making you feel worthless and not wanted even though it’s not true. So is this the start of them growing up and leaving the bubble that you have put around them to protect them and keep them safe? Most likely because after all the bubble has to be burst eventually. 

The question I ask myself is with my twin girls going to school full-time in September what will be my role other than a lift back and forth to school? It’s hard to imagine at the moment that other than weekends and school holidays it will be just a couple of hours before bedtime that I will get to see them and the chances are they will be knackered and probably not very responsive.

Having twins is also interesting because in most cases once your first child goes to school you often are left with another child at home which keeps you busy and occupied and most likely distracts you from your one child being in school full-time. This of course is not the case with twins as both go at the same time. I would imagine that inspires people to have another child!