Growing up quickly

Now there was just my mum, brother, sister and myself. It’s interesting looking back because my mum went into a spiralling depression caused by her marriage breakdown.

I would leave for school in the morning and she would be in bed and then when I got home she would still be in bed. My sister was brilliant when I was little. She always made sure I was ok and she was always there for me we were very close. It seems a shame all these years later we are not so close.

My brother was on the verge of leaving home, but in those early days he was the best brother you could ever have. He bought me a season ticket for Cardiff City and every home game he would take me on his motorbike to the matches. I couldn’t have asked for more. 

My mum was still not well and looking back now I realise she’s just struggling to deal with life. There was no help to speak of back then. I mean nowadays there would be plenty of help 

My brother left home which made my mum worse and my sister had all but left home. After meeting the man that was to become her husband, I was all but on my own with my mum. I was 11 years old and I really grew up overnight. 

I learnt to cook because quite often it was the only way I got to eat. My mum was not well and then she started having some major health problems which ended up with her being in hospital and having major surgery – a full hysterectomy.

When she left hospital she was unable to do anything for herself so it was down to me to look after her. I think this went on for about two months so whereas most 12 year old boys were just being kids I was growing up to adulthood overnight. My childhood disappeared in a flash 

In a strange way I believe it was what isolated me from other children because my life was very different to theirs 

I had friends but it really was not the sort of thing you talked about and even if I did they wouldn’t possibly understand and most likely would make fun out of me 

so I suffered in silence.

So by the time I was 13 years old I was cooking Sunday dinners and helping around the house to decorate and just trying to help my mum. It wasn’t difficult but there was an element of resentment because I should have been doing the things other children were doing.

One thing that the situation at home did do for me was more than prepare me for being an adult. 

I have never held any grudge against my mum as she was in a bad place and found it difficult to cope with daily life. As we all have at some point in our lives I have a fantastic relationship with mum to this day and wouldn’t want it any other way.

Moving on to my own first marriage breakdown I often wonder if my three children from that marriage grew up too quickly. The honest answer is yes most likely but hopefully they enjoyed being children aswell for as long as possible.

I believe that I did try to keep them children for as long as possible as I was always involved in their daily lives and having been through certain things in my own childhood I was very aware of their childhood.

A lot of people would say divorce has no negative effects on children, but I think there are few whilst it is not fair to see parents at war and there is no point in staying together if a marriage is broken, divorce on children can leave them with no confidence, lack of self esteem and probally lots of other things,but with the right guidance they can overcome all of this.