Brilliant dad feature week 5
This week our brilliant dad feature is all about Lee from the UK. Thank you Lee for taking part and today it’s also his little girls 1st birthday! Happy birthday Hollie-Rae!
My name is Lee Garner and I am a realist.
I’m 41 and am the rose between my two sisters. I’m a Business Adviser for a financial company and I have been married for seven years to my lovely wife Kerri. My clever wife eventually gave us our beautiful daughter Hollie-Rae last year. I’m into most sports, though football has fallen down the pecking order as they are just greedy cheats!
I love travel, holidays both home and abroad, but love nothing more than a log cabin on a fishing lake with my family. I have an ambition to travel to Norway to explore and fish, though I won’t be buying a pint!
I love hearing other peoples point of view but be careful asking for my opinion as you might not like what you hear back, although I am fully aware of my audience. Sitting on the fence isn’t the most comfortable place, but sometimes it’s for the best!
I don’t have a blog. I was going to do one, but due to the start in becoming a Daddy being a little rocky I never got round to it. I have got a few notes jotted about, so maybe.
1. Have you always wanted to be a dad?
Yes I suppose so. I’ve always been of the opinion it was not always about me just being a Dad but being with someone special enough to share the whole experience with. For many years I thought it wasn’t meant to be as my wife didn’t seem keen and I was happy to except that. I think some of that was stubbornness on her part as her Mother was very pushy on the subject. The Mother-in-law had a quiet chat with me one night whilst away on holiday on the subject and I tried to be as diplomatic as possible, when that didn’t work I told her I couldn’t have kids. Can you imagine the look on her face? Can you imagine it when I said I was only kidding? Not very funny or clever but it worked, messaged delivered and understood. Being a dad is a joint decision that has to be right so the child gets the best possible start. Not about other people pressuring others.
2. How did you feel when your children were born?
Devastated. Yes, you have read that right. I was absolutely devastated, I felt my world was caving in and there was nothing I could do about it. My wife was shattered, traumatised and in pieces on an operating table after an emergency C section when our daughter was taken from us without us being able to see her and I had the longest 45 minute wait I’ve ever endured as Doctors and nurses were walking past the room I was in and looking at me. Sounds paranoid, but these 5 or so faces came in the room to tell us our daughter was very poorly and was unable to breathe on her own and suspected Trisomy 21, more commonly known as Downs Syndrome. After my wife’s 4 miscarriages, an operation, then finally getting pregnant and having checkups every step of the way, scans every 3-4 weeks with no signs of anything wrong at all during the pregnancy that moment of euphoria was stolen from us.
A very tough period of life began for us as a family which started by telling Family and friends trying to deal with the mountain of questions being asked of us whilst trying to ask our own from the real superhero’s of NICU Oldham.
I still feel robbed. I’m not ashamed of that feeling, I know it’s still there and hopefully it will pass in time, but it may be a scar I have for life. At times I still see our empty cot in my wife’s room in the maternity unit, as we looked at each other that first night in complete silence, whilst our daughter was in NICU. I feel that experience has served us both well, made us stronger and appreciate what we have and we met some lovely people through this experience and we are still in contact with today.
3. What have been the most rewarding experiences been so far?
Everything. I never knew how much of a change I would have with my own feelings becoming a parent. I didn’t think I could feel this way about our daughter, it’s very strange to try and put down in words. You’ll know the feeling if your are reading this as a father/parent. To come home after a crappy day at work and see Hollie smile at me is awesome!
Rewarding experience specifically about Hollie I would have to say her fighting spirit. She has a hole in her heart that we were told would need surgery. Hollie has decided that she doesn’t need surgery and has been repairing the hole herself as she grows!
4. What are some of funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?
Hollie is only 11 months old so we haven’t had many really funny moments. I get this feeling though that her character is building fast and she will be one funny lady! Hollie makes us and other people laugh everyday and she seems to bring a smile to everyone she meets. If Hollie continues to do that I will be one happy Dad.
5. Have there been any situations with your children that you found difficult to cope with?
Apart from the first few weeks which there are too many things to mention…………Having a child isn’t easy and it does put a strain on you. The first few months were very difficult, but you do find yourself ‘just getting on with it!’ I do find myself getting stressed at times, but that happens to us all. We have been through a lot on our journey, but you just have to cope.
Hollie was NG tube fed for 9 months and this was difficult for us all. Hollie had to have her hands constantly covered as she used to pull at it or just rip it off her face including her skin! I’ve lost count of the number of time we had to go to the Children’s Ward or have the Community Nurse come out to re-pass it. We have only been for 1 night out (just the wife and I) once since Hollie was born as it is/was a daunting task feeding her and constant worry of her tube coming out. Something we thought was a little unfair to dump on anyone else. You can see it in people eyes when they see the tube for the first time. My Dad didn’t like holding Hollie with the tube. I can understand the apprehension and inquisitive looks on people’s faces. Thankfully the NG tube has gone and hopefully will stay gone. I’m sure we will find something else to worry about soon, that’s what kids do best.
6. What are your dreams and hopes for your children?
My job requires me to look in the future for obstacles so it is difficult to get away from this mind set. I hope Hollie develops as much in the (I hate myself for using this word) ‘normal’ range as possible. We will do everything we can to help and support her. Obviously development/learning difficulties are very common amongst children with Downs Syndrome so all our efforts will be going to support Hollie as much as she can and do everything we can to help her get there. I want Hollie to be accepted by everyone in this cruel world that we live but one things for sure she is one amazing little lady and is truly loved and is our world.
