Is the Desire to Win, Born or Taught?
I have often wondered if we teach our children the desire and will to win at sports or academic achievements. Or it is something that we are born to do? Is it part of our character and DNA?
Looking back at my own childhood I was never encouraged, let alone taught to be first in whatever I did. In fact I wasnt even taught that taking part was the most important thing. All that aside I always wanted to be first and I hated losing. I wouldn’t entertain coming second! Is that wrong? Well, I don’t think so. It’s helped me along all my life. Whether that was in school or eventually in the workplace.
In today’s world it’s very different. Our children see the big sport stars earning mega bucks and in truth it’s giving out the wrong message, that we can all do that, but we can’t. Only a tiny percentage achieve fame and riches.
So is it right to encourage our children to win at all costs? Of course it’s not PC, but what do we do teach them? That taking part is the most important part? To be a team player? Of course many people would like us to do that, but unfortunately that’s not me. I want my children to win and I believe if parents are honest they all want their children to win.
We all most likely knew somebody in school that was good, in fact excellent at any sport they tried and quite often they were also academically brilliant. There was always one in the school. I will add that none of my children were those kids in school that could do everything, although it’s early days for the twins at just four years old!
The other week we went to the Halloween school disco and the girls were involved in a game of musical bumps. They are still a little bit shy so I sat on the floor near them and found myself waiting for the music to stop and quickly telling them to sit down. I turned around and my wife was smiling and just said you are so competitive! I’m not going to excuse myself because I am competitive and if you want anything in life you have to be, I believe.
With my older children I have always taught them to be competitive and to win. I don’t think it has hurt them in any way whatsoever, but the desire does have to be there, and that has to be something you are born with I believe, and I also think that everyone has that ability and if possible, it needs to be nurtured, and developed into a winning mentality.
Do you teach your children to be competitive and always try to win, or do you teach them to just take part? Would love to know what you think!
34 Comments
Lucy Grace
November 18, 2016 at 1:27 am
Really interesting subject! I’m always happy to win at things so I guess I am competitive in the sense of striving to be the best I can be but at the same time, I don’t like to be a sore loser if things don’t work out because I always think that as long as you have tried your very hardest then that should be all that matters in the end. That’s what my Mum and Dad always taught me and I will teach that to my children too. Great post! #thatFridaylinky
Heather Keet
November 18, 2016 at 7:43 am
My parents told me to play to win…but only play at something you love. #ThatFridayLinky
Natasha Mairs
November 18, 2016 at 7:55 am
think it’s a bit of both. but there is nothing wrong with losing, it’s the taking part that counts #thatfridaylinky
Josefine
November 18, 2016 at 9:40 am
I hate losing too, that said I think I’ll try my best to teach my kid it’s about having fun and participating first. I will support him and be happily rooting for him if he does show eagerness to be nr 1, but I think you can have a winners mentality in many ways and to me it’s also about accepting that you can’t be good at everything, so focus your energy on your strengths and know when to ask for help. That’s my thoughts at least 🙂 #thatfridaylinky
five little doves
November 18, 2016 at 10:12 am
Having four children there is always a natural competitiveness amongst them, even when they don’t realise they are competing. I think some children ARE more competitive than others but it can also be something you teach your children. We always teach our children to do their best, if that means they win then great, if it means they lose then, still, great. #thatfridaylinky
Martin
November 18, 2016 at 12:19 pm
I am very competitive and know I need to strike a ballance as my kids grow older!
Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap
November 18, 2016 at 1:11 pm
I’m competitive and schools that shy away from winning annoy me! Children need to learn their skills and talents and learn that they can’t win at everything. I also think healthy competition pushes you! xx Thanks for hosting xx
the frenchie mummy
November 18, 2016 at 1:13 pm
Well done for doing it! Grumpy Boyfriend did it too about two years ago and just following him in the mud was hell for me! I would never ever do that kind of stuff. Well done! #ThatFridayLinky
Charlotte Welsh Mummy Blogs
November 18, 2016 at 1:24 pm
I am a little competitive when it comes to certain things in life and yes I agree you need to be in order to succeed in society. I don’t encourage my children to be competitive… I think it comes naturally 🙂 x #ThatFridayLinky
Lucy’s Locket
November 18, 2016 at 2:04 pm
Hmm, interesting topic. I don’t think I was taught to win, but I am competitive and i do like to win! #thatfridaylinky
Mummy TamTam
November 18, 2016 at 3:10 pm
Very interesting post. We always want our children to be better than us and to achieve more than what we have achieved… My girls are quite little to understand the feeling of winning, but I try to encourage them to taking part in different activities and of course I am always happy if they win 🙂 I think we can do the both, encouraging them to participate and also showing them that it feels good to win #thatfridaylinky
alexandra @ my urban family
November 18, 2016 at 7:08 pm
Super interesting topic. I think it is a mixture of both! I’m much more competitive than my brother but I don’t think he was taught differently.
Mary
November 18, 2016 at 7:09 pm
I was taught to enjoy the game whether I win or lose, and to not showboat if I did win! 🙂 I LIKE winning, but I find I’m very rarely competitive. #thatfridaylinky
Beth
November 18, 2016 at 9:20 pm
I’ve always been secretly competitive and people are often shocked as I come across quite shy at first. I want to teach my daughter to also be competitive as I feel like that will make her a more confident person, I don’t want her to let people push past her to get to the top of any field she ends up in whether that be work or a hobby or talent. As they say it is a dog eat dog world out there and unfortunately I think unless we are a little competitive we can end up falling behind and getting walked over. #ThatFridayLinky
michelle
November 18, 2016 at 11:57 pm
Intresting read. I’m so laid back whilst my husband is really competitive which I’m seeing coming out in both our children. I think it’s a great trait to have and wish I could be more like it #fridaylinky
Dave – Dad’s Turn
November 19, 2016 at 9:32 am
Really good question. I don’t know what I’ll teach little bear yet, but I think at least a large part of it must be ‘nature’ in addition to the nurture. My wife is very competitive, but that’s different from all her siblings. #thatfridaylinky
Lianne harris
November 19, 2016 at 10:34 am
It’s the age of old argument of nature vs nurture isn’t it? Me and hubby love winning but are sore losers so I guess trying to find a middle ground to teach would be ideal. He has a stubborn streak (can barely sit up unaided and prefers to stand already) so I do think he has a “can do” attitude #thatfridaylinky
Amie
November 19, 2016 at 8:54 pm
I’m definitely the competitive parent. Infact even when my brother has his sports day at school I’m always yelling at him to win and giving him tips on how to do so!
Amelia does gymnastics and she is definitely going all the way to the Olympics haha!! (She’s 19 months old and only been for 5 weeks!)
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pushing them however, as long as it isn’t forced and they’re having fun then what’s the harm?! Great post! #ThatFridayLinky
jeremy@thirstydaddy
November 20, 2016 at 1:06 am
Judging by mine, I definitely think that its something some people are born with. What happens to that desire from there really depends on how its encouraged and cultivated though
Brandi with Big Fit Fam
November 20, 2016 at 3:44 am
I believe competitiveness and a desire to win are good qualities, it helps you always have drive for bettering yourself. However, the most important lesson is losing with grace and humility. This is something you can’t learn if you don’t care to win….#Picknmix.
Brandi with Big Fit Fam
November 20, 2016 at 3:50 am
WOOPS!! I put on the wrong hashtag! #ThatFridayLinky
David Shaul – DadvWorld
November 20, 2016 at 9:51 am
Great post Nige. When I was younger I was a football player, it’s all I wanted to do and my Dad along with all the other Dads accepted nothing but winning. We were very successful in relative terms, always winning trophies or there thereabouts.
I agree, some people are born with the desire and it needs to be recognised and nurtured.
There’s nothing wrong with encouraging your kids to win, as long as they win through hard work. Cheating isn’t something I tolerate but genuine hard work and desire to be the best at everything you do is healthy.
Jaki
November 20, 2016 at 11:41 am
I’ve never been overly competitive – i think I will encourage my little one to take part and do the best he can but to not let it get to him too much if he doesn’t win. If at first you don’t succeed….. and all that 🙂 #thatfridaylinky
Jade – Raw Childhood
November 21, 2016 at 12:35 am
I love this post because I am exactly like you lol My dad is the same, he hates to lose! My brothers and sisters are all the same too, I feel that it is a part of us all at some point. There has got to be at least one thing that people want to be better at than everyone else. I want my boys to win at everything! BUT I don’t put a damper on it if they dont win, I want them to also learn that they cant be the best at absolutely everything (even if i wish that they did win lol) #thatfridaylinky
Rachel – Volcano Mama
November 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm
I think this is a tricky topic and you’re right, there seems to be a PC thing. While we don’t want to teach our children to feel so special and wonderful that life seems too hard and unfair for them, I think there is also a healthy level of competition that won’t leave them utterly devastated when they don’t come in first place. I think there’s a balance where they learn to put in a lot of effort, try their hardest and reach goals they set for themselves as well as compete with others without being a poor sport. #globalblogging
Kirsty – Winnettes
November 21, 2016 at 4:21 pm
This is very interesting. I think everyone has a competitive streak in them but that it will manifest in different areas of life. I also think it depends on the child regarding the best way to nurture or build on that. Our children are still really young so I am not sure the approach I will actually take. I do already know that if nothing else I expect them to have tried their best.
Kirsty – Winnettes
November 21, 2016 at 4:22 pm
twit that I am I forgot #GlobalBlogging
Lisa Pomerantz
November 21, 2016 at 7:16 pm
We work at making sure our girls are good winners and good losers…no competitiveness, just kindness. Not saying we have this locked and loaded, but it is what we are trying to do! #GlobalBlogging
Helen Gandy
November 21, 2016 at 9:46 pm
I didn’t think I was competitive until Alfie started school and clearly I am!! Thanks for hosting #ThatFridayLinky
Rebecca
November 22, 2016 at 8:37 pm
I think the desire to win is definitely taught, but not specifically by parents always. Socially children are taught that winning is key to progression in all aspects of life, I don’t 100% agree but I don’t know if it can be helped? Interesting debate! <3 #thatfridaylinky
David – Potty Adventures
November 25, 2016 at 5:24 am
I want my kids to be competitive. Not to the distraction of enjoying taking part – that’s what will keep them engaged and coming back to the activity or sport – but I want them to have a will to be as good as they can be at everything. I’m very competitive, particularly with sports I’ve played over the years but never lost sight of the enjoyment, probably why I still play sport now.
#thatfridaylinky
Laura Clark
November 25, 2016 at 7:14 am
This is such an interesting topic. I’m completely with you. I think it’s important to teach kids about winning and losing from an early age as frankly it’s a big part of life as an adult. There is no harm in being a little competitive as long as you also learn how to be gracious when you win (and when you lose) #thatfridaylinky
One Messy Mama
November 27, 2016 at 3:11 am
I must admit, I am not a fan of the concept ” The Participation Trophy”, I mean, yes it’s so important to be recognized for participation, but to get given a trophy because you came last – but participated? Everything in life has a winner and a loser (not in an unkind way – one might not be as good at it), does that mean give up? no. It means fight for that first place whilst having empathy and kindness along the way! Strive to improve yourself. Set goals and keep going. You are so right, being competitive is not bad, it’s how you handle yourself in winning and loosing. I teach my kids to always do their best, to strive for what they want, but to always be a good and kind sportsman. I hope it works 🙂 #globalblogging
The Mum Project
November 27, 2016 at 8:50 pm
Interesting question, I’ll be honest I want my children to win but at the same time I also don’t want him to be a bully or self-centered. There is definitely a balance here. I was always taught to do my best, and I think I’ll pass this on to my son as it brought out a little bit of competitiveness in me but not too much where I was trying to cheat or push kids down. Thanks so much for sharing with #GlobalBlogging!