My Dad Commandments

If you are a regular reader of my little space on the internet, you will know that I have been a dad for 22 years. This at times has felt like a life sentence! In fact I think you will get get less jail time for murder!

During those 22 years I have learnt that there are certain lines that you don’t cross with your children, and I have mentally developed the commandments of fatherhood.

They are all stored in my subconscious waiting to be called upon to navigate fatherhood, which will hopefully make fatherhood a slightly easier path, rather than the minefield it can constantly be.

So often as a dad you are dammed if you do or dammed if you don’t. It’s a constant struggle finding the balance of when to do something and when to hold back, when to advise and when to say nothing and I mean absolutely nada! Behave like a mute, even when you are gagging to say something. It all starts from the moment your bundle of joy enters the world.

1. Babies

It’s that moment you become a dad and you have absolutely no idea what you are doing, common sense goes out the window and grandparents are constantly giving advice of what to do, because after they brought you up they must know the answers! Total nonsense! It’s your child use, your own instincts. I guarantee you they will always be right.

2. Toddlers

Your toddler can now communicate with you, but don’t fall into the belief that you will understand them because you won’t have a clue, especially when they are having a melt-down in a busy shopping centre.

This is time to hold firm, go completely red in the face and do your best to not raise the roof in anger. People are watching and tutting as they walk past. Yes, it’s that moment when you wish the ground would open and swallow you whole never to be seen again. The answer is of course to strap your child in a buggy very tightly and start walking as quickly as you can to the car park, to get out of the shopping centre.

3. Tweens

It’s that age between toddler and teenagers, (OMG teenagers I have just put the fear of god in my head, just writing the word teenagers)!

Back to tweens, it is that time of a child’s life that yes you have some control over what they do, but it is diminishing quickly. As they start to realise how they can manipulate you to achieve whatever it is they want. It’s a constant battle of wills. The easiest way I found to deal with these years was simply to admit defeat very early on, admit to yourself, even if it’s not true your children know best.

4. Teenagers

This is without a doubt the years where you will question your sanity. You will wonder if you are on the same planet as your children, and there will be times where you might feel you are living in a parallel universe with somebody’s else’s children. You will question if anything that was normal in your life will ever return.

Some questions to never ask your teenage children are:

A. Have you got a girlfriend/boyfriend?

B. What music are you younger people listening too?

C. How’s school going?

D. What’s the best Xbox game at the moment?

E. Never ask them to invite their friends around for tea.

5. Adulthood

You can now breathe a sigh of relief you made it without going mad or being sectioned. You have raised this child for about eighteen years and can now have a rest. No, wait! They want to go university, which means running back and forth to pick them up at holiday times, and working 10 times harder to fund their university education.

I have learnt over the years that there is no particular way to raise and deal with the issues that children have. With that in mind here are 10 things I have always kept in mind when dealing with good or bad situations in regards to my children.

1. Listen

2. Advise when appropriate

3. Love unconditionally

4. Expect the the unexpected

5. Give lots of cuddles and kisses

6. Don’t be afraid to show emotion

7. Don’t sugar coat life. Tell them of the dangers of life that can be thrown at them

8. Allow your children to develop their own personality and become individuals

9. Always follow your own instinct, and be true to yourself

10. Finally seek out happiness and once you find it hold on to it.

What I would like to know is why weren’t my children stamped with a warning when they were born?! They will test you to the limits and beyond!

I would love to hear what you think.