My Mental State After My 24 Hours In Resus

It has been a few days since I spent my 24 hours in resus, and the reality of what happened to me having a stroke at my age has started to mess with my head.

It’s been very difficult to come to terms with the thought that this could have been so much more serious, and I could have been left in a condition that would have affected my quality of life. Thankfully it hasn’t, but it has given me a warning that my lifestyle has to change.

The thought of being a burden to my wife and children is something that comes to mind on a regular basis. The thought of them living on without me makes me cry uncontrollably. I feel selfish that I wouldn’t be around for them ever again.

Going to sleep at night is difficult because lying in the dark my mind starts to work overtime and I can’t help but think about the possible repercussions of what happened. They are dark thoughts that I find difficult to remove which then affects my sleep, and leaves me tired during the day.

The reality of such a blunt stark warning in regards to your health is a very sobering thought. For me I can’t help think about all the things I would miss if I wasn’t here anymore.

My three older children I would not see settled and sorted in their lives, maybe married with children of their own, which consequently would make me a grandparent, and that’s something I don’t want to miss out on.

I’m also a dad of six year old twin girls who really have only just started living, and the thought of not seeing them grow up, upsets me beyond anything I can put into words. The thought of my little girls not having me, their dad, in their lives during their childhood, quite honestly hurts beyond what I can cope with.

My mother is in the twilight of her life and I struggle with the thought that I would be gone before her. I know this is something she would struggle with too.

Finally I spent my life searching and looking for my perfect life partner. 13 years ago I met my wife, and in an instance when we first looked at each other I knew I’d met the person that would and does make me happy beyond my wildest dreams. I instantly fell in love. Everyday I feel lucky that we met. I love her so much it actually hurts. When I have the thought that I might not be around to share our lives together it’s unbearable. It’s quite funny at the moment though because if I cough she instantly asks me what’s wrong, and I feel she is glued to me all the time at the moment!

All of these health scares started with a car accident just before Christmas, and although I had high blood pressure before, it seemed to spike higher just after Christmas. I also had chest pains, and I ended up in hospital. After months of different medications and dosage changes, my blood pressure was never really controlled properly. I do have a bit of annoyance towards my GP practice with the constant medication changes, but not solving the problem. Had a bit more care have been taken to solve my blood pressure, I wouldn’t have ended up having a stroke. I guess I will never know now.

My current mental state is not great because I keep thinking of worst case scenario which is making me very emotional at times and undoubtedly making me worry with any pains I may be getting, especially in the chest area.

I know it will get better and I will begin to have a more positive attitude, but it’s a struggle at the moment. I’m too young and just not ready to sign out quite yet. Life is fragile and I have learnt in that in the blink of an eye everything can change, and not always for the best.

Physically I will recover reasonably quick, but my mental state will take longer while I come to terms with this episode concerning my health.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

30 thoughts on “My Mental State After My 24 Hours In Resus

  1. That all sounds full on. I’m not surprised you are struggling with it mentally, I’m sure I would be in the same boat. All I can say is I hope the doctor’s manage to get everything under control for you quickly and that life returns to normal.

  2. Oh good golly, what a ordeal you have been through of late. I can only imagine how you would be feeling. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Thinking of you and your beautiful family xxx #ThatFridayLinky

  3. I’m going through something similar so I can really relate to this. I have a condition with my sight, so not life threatening, but I am very fearful of becoming blind and being a burden on my family, especially my devoted daughter. I hope an operation will be able to add many years of sight but I wonder if I’ll ever feel quite the same again. Don’t you think it becomes ever more important to appreciate the wonderful ordinary? You never know what life will throw at you. I agree, it’s the mental anxiety that may linger longest x

  4. How awful, so sorry to hear about your recent stroke. Be kind to yourself and do take things slowly. Try to focus on all the positives, and your wonderful family. Hope you will recover and feel brighter soon too! #thatfridaylinky

  5. What an awfully heavy load to carry. My mum had a series of mini-strokes (TIAs) when she was about 60 which was very scary for all. However, she has used it as a motivator to make some lifestyle changes and seems to, finally, consider her own health too rather than just scurry around after everyone else. And meds to keep her blood pressure down seem to have worked as she has not had another one for several years. So, I know you will be worried about it, but at least you have had a ‘wake-up call’, a reminder to look after yourself more. Hope you’ll be feeling hale and hearty again very soon. #thatfridaylinky

  6. It must’ve been so scary, I cannot imagine how difficult things are for you right now. When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer last year I struggled a lot with that too. The darkness is a tough thing to get out of and it can really overtake everything you think about. I hope that you can find the light in life soon and focus on the fact that you ARE still here and you can do something about your health. Sending healing wishes and thoughts your way. xxx
    #ThatFridayLinky

  7. It sounds like a terrifying experience but I am glad it hasn’t left you with any severe damage. I can only imagine how you feel right now, fingers crossed your health improves & your GP try solving any problems quickly! #ThatFridayLinky

  8. I can see why you’d struggle and I agree the thought of being a burden is not a nice one. My dad has been diagnosed with MSA and I know he is going through the same thing. Has also brought it home to me asi will hit 50 this year
    Having read your previous blogs I know you have the support of a loving family and that will be the most important thing over the coming years

  9. Hope you’re feeling better Nige. I’d a similar experience recently with chest pains (thought I was having a heart attack) went through all those tests too. In my case they couldn’t find anything but it was a very scary eye opening experience. Think of ya. 😉

  10. Oh Nige this is awful for you. I’ve been out of the linky loop for a couple of weeks so totally missed your last post. How scary for you all. I really hope you’re okay. Just take it really easy!! #ThatFridayLinky

  11. What a terrible predicament. While I can’t directly relate to you situation I can certainly imagine what you are going through. The only encouragement I can give you comes from the fact my brother-in-law had a stroke in hi mid-30s. It was quite bad at the time and he was hospitalised for a few weeks. But, he made a full recovery. 10 years ago he emigrated with my sister (and the kids) to Australia and he really has never looked back. He now cycles 100s of miles each week and it very fit for a man in his 50s now. Sometimes, the most worrying and threatening of health issues can be overcome and full recoveries made. I wish you all the very best.
    #ThatFridayLinky

  12. Nige, once again please look after yourself. You have a loving family and no doubt loads of supportive friends as well. Having children certainly puts things into perspective when it comes to your health. I feel the same whenever I see those ads on TV for cancer research or the British Heart Foundation, they leave me in bits. We should all take time to take stock and count our blessings. Thinking of you mate, #ThatFridayLinky

  13. To me, a stroke is one of the scariest of all health crises. I’m very happy for you that you have not been physically devastated by it. Recovery is slow, and since the stroke does affect your brain’s health, give yourself plenty of grace as you rest and recover. You will be in my prayers.

  14. A scary time indeed Nige. You are obviously physically robust really but you have a few bits and pieces to sort out. Important bits and pieces of course! I know a number of people who went through similar experiences and have made total recoveries. They all took it as a wake up call and made the required lifestyle changes. You have a great family to look out for you and please try not to run before you walk! And keep on blog ging!!

  15. Wishing you well. It is really stressful when you experience something traumatic. I hope that writing about it helps you to deal with it. I certainly find that help me. #thatfridaylinky

  16. This is such a brave and honest post and what a thing to go through and I imagine you are still in shock. I have no clever words but some of the stroke charities will do I am sure as we are never as different as we sometimes think we are so connecting with those in a similar boat always helps I find. All the best moving forwards. #ThatFridayLinky

  17. You poor, poor thing Nige. I really feel for you. What a terrible time. Well I can offer is kindness really as I’m not a medical person. Have you tried Yoga,Pilates or mindfulness? I know many people say it’s not for them but you may find it has a calming influence on your entire body. I would also say,get a dog if you haven’t. Taking a dog out everyday is not only great fro your physical health but it’s so good for clearing the mind and helping you to look at the small stuff. I hope you are feeling better soon and I wish you well. Xx #thatfridaylinky

  18. That sounds like an ordeal! I have had some scares in the past few years but I never thought of becoming a burden! Definitely prompts you to reevaluate life choices!

  19. Hi, sorry to read that you have had a tough time with your health lately. The time spent in hospital must have been scary and a real wake up call. I guess it is later after the event that it has an impact on your mental health. I hope that you are able to find the support that is right for you #thatfridaylinky

  20. Sorry to read about what you’ve been through – sounds very tough and I’d certainly be struggling too. Just reading the other comments it’s clear you have a lot of support here if you need it #thatfridaylinky

  21. I’m no expert but I know that talking about thoughts like these and writing them down can really help so it sounds like you’re on the right track. Hope you start to feel more like yourself soon.

  22. So sorry to hear what you’ve been through recently. Thank you for opening up and talking about not only the experience but the after effects.
    Last year my stepdad had a TA and it still plays on his mind now, it is a long healing process but you have a great support network around you to get through it all. #thatfridaylinky

  23. always scary when confronted with our mortality, especially when you start to think about all the stuff that you wouldn’t be around for. I work in a hospital and its something that I deal with often when I have patients around my age that have serious health problems #thatfridaylinky

  24. Hoping the very best for your recovery. Strokes can appear so different between individuals. Definitely take this experience to evaluate your gratitude for the little things in life that evidently make up the bigger picture, but also know that living with profound disabilities isn’t always the misery people believe it to be. It is definitely harder going from full health to disabled overnight. I myself was born with a progressive muscle-wasting disease and lost abilities over time. If I could of chosen I’d of stuck with not knowing fully what I was missing. You can’t miss what you’ve never had sort of scenario! I and many others who are young parents with severe disabilities who need help doing activities of daily life aren’t all embittered and sad, even in our situations we find the things to be grateful for and nomatter what there’s someone else worse off #ThatFridayLinky

  25. It must be really difficult to cope with, it is probably the one thing that we worry about the most and so to have something happen to put it at the forefront of your mind it must be hard. Hopefully you can stabilise your blood pressure and this won’t happen again! #ThatFridayLinky

  26. Well done for sharing your experiences. I’m sure they offer comfort to others who are worried about health issues. I have been suffering from vertigo for 5 weeks and just been told it may have a neurological cause which is really scary but I’m not going to think of the worst, just try to focus on the present. #thatfridaylinky

  27. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this. It’s something that I think haunts all children and parents!
    Big hugs and I hope your mental health recovers quicker than you expect.
    #thatfridaylinky

  28. As I write, I am hoping you are doing better and better each day, both with the stroke, and the anxiety of it all. I’m an older parent. I’m 54 and have a 10 and 7 year old. I think about this too, and I have decided to be present than lost in anxiety. It is not always easy, but I do, as do you, have so much to live for! Feel well, please. #ThatFridayLinky xoxo

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