#PutYourPhonesAway Movement: My Own Progress

A couple of weeks ago a I wrote a post about how I was ashamed and mortified by my use of my smart phone. What came about truly surprised me. As a result of writing that blog post I learnt that I was far from alone as a parent that felt they were putting their phone usage in front of talking and spending time with their children. The messages of support has actually be overwhelming, and I might add have come from all four corners of the world.

So this is an update as to where I am at with the changes I have made when it comes to using my phone, and OMG, there have been some major changes that have made me a more involved and interactive dad. Hopefully this means I will become a better role model to my children, especially my seven year old twin girls.

So what changes have I made?

Well the first and biggest single change I made is that I no longer go on any social media during the weekend. Well at least when the girls are awake. My phone goes away during the day. I might browse a little in the evening, but when I went to my screen time I was genuinely pleased with myself that my usage of social media during Saturday and Sunday was down to a mere 45 minutes a day. The effect this has had on my life in general is well, enlightening. That’s because it showed me just how addicted I had become to my smart phone, and truthfully, it scared the shit out of me that I had allowed a smart phone to dominate so much of my time at the expense of giving my children the attention they not only deserved, but it was also their right to have me as an involved dad in their lives, listening to their needs and hearing about their days. Fundamentally I had forgotten the importance of my children and I was putting social media, technology or my smart phone above them. This was actually an unforgivable action. That had to change and it did!

There were some changes to me as a person as well that came from me putting my phone away. Unfortunately I am to some extent caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I’m a blogger, granted I’m not a full-time, professional blogger, and in all honesty I’m never likely to be, but it is a very time consuming part of my life, especially when you are involved in campaigns for brands and part of that means promoting campaigns via social media. That means I needed to find a balance which put me in a difficult situation because I obviously have to be pro-active in promoting a brand I’m working for. After all they are paying me to promote them so finding the solution was certainly a challenge that would allow me to put my phone away when around my children, which is after school or on the weekends, but with careful planning of my time and scheduling I actually think I have managed that. Thetruth is I had to wean myself off social media. That compulsion to look at how many likes retweets or comments needed to be to put to one side in favour of my family. I needed to promote the brands I was working for at times when my twins were not about, such as when they are in school or in bed.

This is when I discovered something new about myself. By putting my phone away, the first few days I won’t lie it was actually difficult. It seriously felt like I was withdrawing from alcohol, which sadly I remember all too well from about 15 years ago. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all, but what that did was to reinforce my belief that I was addicted to my phone and in particular social media. This was a seriously depressing thought, but as the days passed I found an incredible feeling of freedom overcome me. The need or desire to look at my phone became actually a second thought. I discovered that those emails, or posting a photo etc can all wait until my twins had gone to bed. I was feeling content and happy. Social media was no longer messing with my mind, because that’s what it was doing. It was making feel unhappy. It was not uplifting it was actually making me feel down and ultimately who was suffering from my over indulgence in my smart phone and social media addiction? My twin girls, that’s who. I also know that if I fall off the wagon I can seek online therapy with somebody such as BetterHelp

The way forward for me is mapped out. It’s really so simple. Family first and foremost.

The obsession and this desire for the smart phone, social media and technology is so scary for our children and we as parents have to show them the right way forward as role models to use technology in a sensible and responsible way, and not allow it to dominate all of our waking hours. I genuinely do not want my twin girls everlasting memory of me when they were children to be that of dad always being on his phone. A truly appalling legacy.

Since I wrote my first post a few weeks ago I have been overwhelmed at its reaction and in particular I want to thank Talya from Motherhood The Real Deal, and Ian from Dads Delicious Dinners for helping and supporting me to perpetuate the #putyourphonesaway movement. I would also highly recommend you read Ian’s blog post update What Next? #putyourphonesaway. It was even written about by Bewildered Dad for the Dadsnet. It has also been featured in FQMAG. The amount of people who have commented and totally got on board with this movement is staggering, but it’s brilliant to know that there are so many like minded people out there.

I have thought a lot about this since I wrote that first post, but my most overwhelming conclusion is that yes, technology is here to stay and it has many good points, which ultimately we will need to embrace for our children, but it’s not the only thing in life. Let’s teach our children about the simpler things in life like going to the park or playing in the garden with them. In essence let them have a childhood and not grow up too fast. As my good friend John Adams over at DadBlog UK said recently in a blog post Growing Up To Fast: Whatever Happened To Childhood which I might add is a must read!

Just yesterday I saw that it also got a mention by Tots Rockin Beats on the Dad la Soul radio show . Take a listen it’s well worth it. They also made a very valid point that if you are looking at your device while talking to your children you are not listening to them. Very wise words. I have actually told my seven year old twin girls if I am on my phone when they are asking me a question to tell me to put my phone away, and give them the attention they deserve and listen.

It’s been a steep learning curve for me, but now I am just able to put my phone away when my children are around. I can’t find any valid excuse that would be acceptable for me to use my phone while I am with my kids. Let’s remember family communicate face to face not via a smart phone because that’s what makes us family.

Let’s make a change for our children and #putyourphonesaway

I would love to know your feelings about your phone use around your children in the comments below.