Tom From The Unlikely Dad Is Today’s Guest Post 

Today’s guest post is from Tom who blogs at The Unlikely Dad. Tom is gay, so I asked him if he could write a post about exactly that subject, and what a brilliant article it is. Once you read it I think you may be surprised at Tom’s view. For me, Tom is easily one of the best new dad bloggers out there today,. He definitely has a big future in blogging. Thank you to Tom for guest posting today.

BEING A GAY DAD…

What does being a gay dad mean? I can‘t really tell you, because i see myself as just a dad.

I think i’ve been relatively lucky in my life not to experience much hate from others for being gay or “different“ beause quite simply… i am not. I am no different to you reading this, no different from the single mum down the road working all hours to support her kids. I am a dad in love with his son doing everything i can to raise him the best possible way i know how.

School was pretty hard i guess… only for the last couple of years. You know, that horrendously awkward time when you‘re coming into your sexuality and finding out who you are, discsovering yourself and turning into a hairier version of yourself… a man. And not knowing where you fit into. Yup, those years were hard. I went to an all boys shcool. Only a few of the boys were hard on me. And it never got physicial or violent… i was lucky considering what you hear going on at schools sometimes. It was just words and names. But it did definitely hurt and leave me scarred for a while.

That was until i left school at 16 and headed to college where i met like minded, open people. This i where i started to become who i was meant to be. I even met my now husband there aged just 17 (jesus it sounds so scary saying that now… It’s so young!!). He was 23, so there was quite a gap at that age, but now it’s all relative.

Years passed of me carrying bags of clothes to college as i would stay over his place and after a couple of years we got our first flat together. A few more house moves and a wedding thrown in… we were at a point where i was nearing thirty and wanted a family. It was so sudden. My hypothetical body clock went ‘PING‘and i was ready. I was working at an adoption charity in their marketing department at the time and had a great insight into the industry. We knew adoption was for us.

We started our journey in July 2014. Not to bypass it in a blase fashion as it is very intense and a bit of a rollercoaster, but within nine months our baby boy (aged 14 momths) came home to us. It was like a full term pregnancy. We were so amazed at how the process went and how quickly we found our little boy (but i like to think he found us too…). It was the most surreal thing i think i have ever been through. No words will really do it any justice. But rather quickly, we got into our flow. I took two and a half months off and my husband took the year of parental leave off work (and never returned…lucky bugger!) It was without a doubt the best two and a half months of my life. Also probably the most terrifying too, suddenly having to look after this beautiful little human.

It was a steep learning curve. In at the deep end. There was no sleeping baby needing a boob every hour or so, this was a cruising/crawling little boy who demanded every waking minute of the day. Luckily he came fully loaded with a routine which we’ll be eternally grateful to his foster carer for! He LOVES his sleep. Even to this day. We are blessed with that one!

It’s now been two years since we became a family. We’ve done a lot. The toddler groups, the playdates, dashes to A&E when he got a pea stuck up his nose, the (very rare) sleepless nights, beach holidays, eating sand, getting sand in his eyes, nappy explosions, grabbing my willy when we have a bath together, the clinging onto our legs as he doesn‘t want to be dropped off at nursery sometimes, the “daddy cuddle!!“ when i head to work in the morning as he tries to stall me leaving the house and the “daddy home!!“ as i come through the door at the end of the day…

And this is just the beginning. We have the rest of our lives together. New experiences, new challenges and the wonderful teeneage years. All to look forward to. And i really do… the best role i could ever have been offered is this one. To be his daddy.

You see… i’m not that different to you.

Gay dad? Straight dad? We’re all just the same. We’re dads