Totally Dad Items Only Fathers Buy From A Supermarket

Kids don’t like to be out in public with their parents. Dads, don’t take this personally because mums get the cold shoulder treatment too. However, fathers do come in for unwarranted criticism in the supermarket. One minute you’re in ASDA or Tesco enjoying the delights and the next your teenager is stalking off in a huff. What did I do wrong?

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The answer is you continue to be a total and utter dad. Yep, like your father before, you do things that a sane person wouldn’t. Sadly, even though you promised it wouldn’t happen, it’s an occupational hazard of getting older and having kids. You can try to give it up, and you might last for a while, but the supermarket will tempt you once again.

Why? It’s because it’s a wonderful place full of everything a dad needs and it’s under one roof. Here are the items you will want to buy that will frustrate your children.

Café Food

Take a look around the restaurant – how many kids are enjoying a meal? The answer is not very many because supermarket food isn’t cool. The uber stylish people hit up Costa or Starbucks and order a flat white and panini to go. Dads can’t do this because of the price. The cost of a latte and a full English breakfast is half the price of a drink in a fancy coffee shop. No, you would rather sit down and enjoy an affordable slap-up meal than enhance your street cred. Even worse, you want the whole family to sit down and bond like you would do at home around the dinner table. It’s enough to make a teenager want to “kill” themselves. Hopefully that’s just an expression, but dads don’t have a clue!

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Generic Clothes

Back in the day, you used to take pride in your appearance. Not that you don’t now, but just that you have bigger fish to fry. Younger people have time to be vain because they don’t have the same responsibilities. So, they go to the high street and pay silly amounts for a pair of Topshop jeans or a River Island jumper. More fool them – have they never heard of George? Dads have, and they shop there religiously. For fathers, the price is just right and the style isn’t terrible. After all, there are a lot of plain t-shirts that the kids can’t ridicule, or so you would think. The very fact that you’re a George wearer makes them want to file for emancipation. Apparently, even socks and boxers (ewwww) are out of the question.

Old Man Deodorant

If only you paid over the odds for Lynx antiperspirant. Maybe they’d think you weren’t as ancient as you seem? No, probably not! There are lots of options for men, but dads always go with an old faithful. They ignore Dove and Right Guard altogether and home in on Brut and Allspice. Frankly, there are no other men in the world who wear this stuff other than dads. It’s what gives fathers the faint musky smell with which kids are familiar. Your choice of deodorant frustrates the kids because they have to smell it afterward. Usually, they are home free once they get out of the supermarket. With Brut, they will be able to sniff you coming from a mile away. The same goes for the strong aftershaves too.

Car Maintenance

What a great idea to have a garage next to the supermarket. That way, anyone with car troubles can get them fixed while the family does the shopping. You’d think it kills two birds with one stone, but the kids won’t agree. To them, it’s another embarrassing display of dad logic. Why on earth would anyone bother with a windscreen repair in a supermarket car park? Sure, the good folks at Optic Kleer might be available and affordable, but it’s just not how normal people act. Children are big on being regular when they are young and don’t want attention for being unique. So, when dads think outside of the box, it fills them with horror. Yep, even something as innocuous as fixing a chip in a windscreen or filling up the tyres with air. It’s not rare for a child to think “can’t he do it later when I’m not here?”

Household Repairs

Men love DIY, as do women. But, the ladies understand there are a time and place to do it yourself. Guys can’t wrap their heads around this fact. Instead, the first thing they do is head to the homeware section and play around with electrical items. Before the kids can blink, the trolley is full of superglue, plug sockets, and screwdrivers. There isn’t even anything at home that needs fixing! To dads, that doesn’t matter because it’s about being prepared. The famous Boy Scout motto has done you proud over the years and it isn’t going to buckle anytime soon. A supermarket is for food and drink, which is why kids look away in embarrassment at the assortment of tools. The unlucky ones have to put up with flat-screen TVs and ASDA mobiles. Oh, the horror.

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Plastic Bags

How anyone is supposed to carry the groceries to the car is a mystery to dads. Plastic has been around for years and it will be around for even longer according to experts. Men don’t see a problem with this, especially during the Saturday weekly shop. Your children, however, are eco-warriors whose mission it is to save the planet. Yep, that’s right – plastic is at the top of their list. Even paying a 5p tax isn’t good enough for them because they want an end to all plastics. So, you either have to bring a bag for life or put the shopping in the trolley and push. Savvy mums always have a “green” bag with them to keep their tree hugging offspring happy, yet dads aren’t that organised.

Going to the supermarket with kids can be a traumatic experience. Like all true dads, that makes you love it more!