Oh No! A Text I Never Wanted To Read
On Sunday I received a text from my eldest daughter, J, who will be 22 years old later this year, asking me, do you know how visa’s work to go to Australia?
I didn’t fancy a conversation via text, but I thought if I’m honest she was asking to maybe go on holiday there because she has been talking recently about holidays in general. So I rang her, but I also had an inkling that it might be about a work visa to possibly live in Australia. In my youth I moved to Australia and lived there for four years so it seemed feasible that she was thinking about it too. Out of all my children she has the travelling bug which I think she has inherited from me.
I knew it would be one or the other and as soon as I started chatting to her I realised that it was about going out to live in Australia. I would like to think I was surprised, but I wasn’t because she has talked about it many times that it would be something she would like to do with her life. Of course there is nothing wrong with that. To have dreams and ambitions. I have always taught my children to follow their hearts, and never have any regrets, because life is not a rehearsal. You only get one go of life so make the most of it. Our phone call ended and I put my phone down feeling a little sad, but also happy. I know of course that at the moment it’s only a thought, which of course, could take some time in planning.
Regular readers will know I have five children and currently my 19 year old daughter is in university. When she went approximately 18 months ago I was upset by the fact that she was going off into the big wide world, and I wouldn’t be able to see her on a regular basis and on the journey home by myself I had a lot of time to think about it all and my conclusion was your children need to find their wings and flee the nest. But, as I approached the outskirts of our home city the realisation that she had gone to university made me burst into tears. I was consoled by the fact that she was only a two hour car journey away and still in the same country. Thankfully I have seen her on a regular basis whilst she has been studying.
After speaking to my eldest daughter that Sunday morning I had the day to think about my children and I’m not blind to the fact that eventually your children grow up. Unfortunately maybe I was living in a bubble thinking that all my children would always be close by. Of course in today’s world that is very unlikely because we live in an ever decreasing smaller world where travelling to other countries is quick and easy and movement of people between countries is more common place than ever, so the likelihood of one of my children moving so far away was always a possibility.
My children and my wife are without question the centre of my world. They are the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I work. They’re reason I believe I was put on this earth and I love them all so very much. My wife and children are the biggest part of my life, who I would do anything for.
The thought of one my children living on the other side of the planet leaves a heavy feeling in my heart because not being able to see her whenever you want will take a lot of getting used to. I think I thought we would always live close by, but in today’s world that’s not the way it is anymore. Families so often are now in the four corners of the world.
The lesson in life I learnt this particular day is that you will never know what unexpected turns life will take.
Finally to my daughter, J, I will be honest. The thought of you living in Australia fills me with dread, but I also know that you will have to do what is best for you. I know you will say not again dad, and I have mentioned this before on the blog, but when she was four years old I used to sit on the patio on a summer’s night with her and look at the stars and tell her to reach for the stars and your dreams will come true and nothing will feel impossible. So inadvertently maybe I taught you to experiance as much of the world as possible. Of course I would miss not having you round the corner, but that feeling would be fine with me. Knowing that you are staying true to yourself. I know we have the technology to talk via Skype, Facetime etc, but it will never be the same as you living around the corner.
This possibly a new chapter of your life. If it turns out that you go down the path of living in Australia it will be a part of fullfilling your dreams and ambitions. When you have no dreams and ambitions in life it would without a doubt make life very boring without them
No matter what happens, whatever you decide you will always have my 100% love and support whatever your decision.
Do you ever wonder if your children will move away, possibly abroad one day? How would you cope? Would love to know your thoughts.
57 Comments
Mellissa Williams
March 14, 2017 at 7:13 am
It would break my heart if my son moved so far away but I would of course let him and support him all the way. I do feel for you.
Becki Parsons
March 14, 2017 at 8:33 am
Many times, my husband and I have discussed moving to Australia. He visited when he was at Uni and loved it, and his job qualifications mean he’s in demand over there… but we couldn’t get past the thought of leaving family behind. There never seems to be a right time – we have a 3 year old now and he’s fortunate to have 2 great grandparents still around; it would feel quite cruel to head to the other side of the world while they’re still with us. Maybe one day. Maybe we’ll have the option to move to Mars instead?! I think I’d take them up on that one… #dreamteam
Five little doves
March 14, 2017 at 8:57 am
Oh gosh Nige this is my worst nightmare. As much as I will always love and support my children and encourage them to spread their wings, I’m hoping that they don’t want to spread them too far from home! The thought of not seeing them often has brought a lump to my throat, I can only imagine how emotional you feel about it all. Lovely post though, your love for your children never ceases to move me. Xx
Cardiff Mummy Says – Cathryn
March 14, 2017 at 9:46 am
My husband and I talk about this all the time – what if our children want to live in another country. They are only 7, 5 and 3, so it’s a long way off but I know it would break my heart. I think that’s the thing about being parents – it’s all about roots and wings. You have to give them the roots to know that they always have a place with you but also wings to fly high in the world. Must be very emotional.
Alisa
March 14, 2017 at 11:28 am
I am afraid that I did the same thing as your daughter. I upped sticks from Chicago and moved to Belfast to pursue a post-grad degree and then met my husband there. I couldn’t understand the constant pestering from my parents about when I was going to ‘move home’. I found it so undermining and dismissive of the fact that I had built a home somewhere else. It’s been nearly 20 years now and although we do talk about moving Stateside (not in the next four years!), detaching from my home-town was definitely the best thing for me.
However, when my daughter was born, I suddenly and painfully knew exactly how my parents felt. I was stricken with an un-tameable fear that she would leave me in the same way that I had left my parents. But…there was an element of post-hormonal baby-blues going on there. And like you, I encourage her to reach for the stars. And know that wherever she ends up, I will definitely go and visit her!
Good luck! My heart goes out to you!
#TweensTeensBeyond
Abi – Something About Baby
March 14, 2017 at 11:50 am
I’ve always been such a home bird, and still live close to my mum, and all my siblings are also close by so I’ve never had to experience anyone leaving. So I’d be devastated if Alfie wanted to move to the other side of the world! Having said that, I would encourage him to travel if he wanted to as it’s something I wish I had done more of, but on the promise that he doesn’t move away permanently! #TriumphantTales and #DreamTeam
The Tale of Mummyhood
March 14, 2017 at 12:34 pm
My children are very young but its already occurred to me that they may not always stay around their old mum. It’s not an easy thought process but I totally agree with you in that they have to be true to themselves. Imagine what an amazing time they will have though! #TriumphantTales
Becky | Bringing up the Berneys
March 14, 2017 at 1:04 pm
I travelled to Australia and stayed for 9 months, if I had my act together a bit more at the time I think I would have probably thought about moving out over there too. But I always had the niggle that even if I were to do it I would be leaving my family on the other side of the world. At the time I had no commitments or children, but I couldn’t wrap my head around having children out there and them not being in my families lives back in the UK.
I hope it works out for your daughter and she finds what she wants to do! 🙂 as we always said, Australia is only a day away! X
Sarah MumofThree World
March 14, 2017 at 3:08 pm
I must say that the thought of my kids moving away is something that terrifies me. After the really bad stuff, it’s probably my biggest fear. Even reading this, I felt anxious thinking about how you are feeling. My eldest, who is in year 11, is always threatening to move to other countries, but I don’t think it will really happy. My daughter, who is 11, is never going to leave me, she’s going to live just down the road. I live just down the road from my mum, so I think this probably will happen 🙂
#TweenTeenBeyond
Lucy At Home
March 14, 2017 at 3:25 pm
Oh I hate the thought of my children moving away. They’re only small now, but I know time flies.
I really wish I lived closer to my parents and brothers – I often feel a pang of jealousy when my friends can pop round to see their family whenever they like – but circumstances have spread us right across the country. As you say, we have to do what is right for us, and your daughter needs to make the decisions that are right for her. It’s still tough for everyone though… #dreamteam
Lauranne
March 14, 2017 at 3:51 pm
Your blog post has managed to inspire me. I am on the other side of things, I have always been super close to my family and grew up being the one my parents could depend on to help out. It wasn’t too much of a problem until I lost my Dad unexpectedly last year and now I am a full-time carer to my Mum. More than anything I want to go and explore the world, but I worry about leaving her and how she will cope so my dreams are sort of on hold. I know she would hate to think she was holding me back, but I also know if I go she will be alone so I am sort of stuck.
Andrea @ Topsy Turvy Tribe
March 14, 2017 at 4:41 pm
Ah bless, it must be so hard! I did the whole travel and working holiday thing, I guess I never realised how this impacted on my parents. I think you can only really empathize once you’re a parent yourself and the thought of either of my boys, albeit a bit too young yet, living in the other side of the planet is really really scary! #TriumphantTales #Dreamteam
jeremy@thirstydaddy
March 14, 2017 at 6:31 pm
Thats a tough one Nige. Good for her though for having the courage to move so far away. Something to be proud of. #tweensteens
Fiona Cambouropoulos
March 14, 2017 at 8:10 pm
Oh goodness how hard this will be, my eldest went to University last September and I miss him so much, the thought of having one in Uni and one going to Austrailia would horrify me, yet I know I’d still help them do it, they have to be free to grow as they want, it is about their future not ours, but how tough #TweenTeenBeyond
Rhyming with Wine
March 14, 2017 at 9:07 pm
Oh my word I have never even considered the idea that my two might one day live in a different country? I would be heartbroken I think! But… it’s their adventure, and you have to be proud that you have given them the strength, enthusiasm and inspiration to go out there and experience life for all it can offer them. You gave them their wings. It’s going to be hard, but I guess you’ve got to let them fly! (Or get a lead or something as we discussed earlier?) 😉 Thanks for linking to #DreamTeam Nige. This is so beautiful and I’m sure it will mean the world to your daughter.
Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap
March 14, 2017 at 9:11 pm
This is soooo hard and like you one of my worries. I think you did the right thing and your attitude is amazing. You have done a great job to bring her up feeling confident enough to even consider such a massive thing. Hard though!!! x# triumphanttales
Tubbs
March 15, 2017 at 10:56 am
We talk about this every so often, but so far the time has never right. In a weird way, it’s a testament to good job you’ve both done as parents. Moving to the other side of the world takes confidence and self belief and that’s something you’ve both helped her build. Good luck! #bestandworst
Jo – Mother of Teenagers
March 15, 2017 at 3:29 pm
Nigel I am busy trying to prepare myself for my eldest leaving for University and with the A’levels looming on the horizon I am dreading it but like you will be consoled by the fact he won’t be that far and at least he will be in the same country. The other side of the world – wow that is a big thing to get used to. However, as you say you have to let them move on, take on new challenges and grow as individuals. It sounds like you have a really close relationship with all your children and it is great that your daughter is involving you in her plans and dreams. Good luck. Thanks for joining us again. #TweensTeensBeyond
chickenruby
March 16, 2017 at 5:07 am
we did the opposite, we moved with two of our 5 children (the older 3 had already left home) from the UK to South Africa, with them eventually moving back to the UK, one as an adult, the other for boarding school. We now live in Dubai, slightly closer and don’t plan to return for another 2-3 years. in the meantime child 3 of 5 moved from the South Midlands (our UK base) to Leeds and child 4 of 5 is living in Ireland, in the army and has so far travelled quite a bit of the world with them. Child 2 of 5 was in the army also and based in Germany. The youngest finishes school this year and is considering a move to either San Francisco, Kenya, Dubai or Reading to continue his studies. Our moving around has given the youngest two children the desire to travel further afield also. The last time we were all in the same country at the same time was in 2007 and again next month, where we have a reunion planned. #TriumphantTales
Nicky Kentisbeer
March 16, 2017 at 11:59 am
Such a heartfelt post Nige. So very poignant and I really feel for you. But, and of course there is a but, she will have the most amazing time and it is all credit to you and your wife for raising her to have the confidence to pursue her dreams. Whatever she decides I wish her all the very best. We often speak more to those we love when they are further away. It’s a pleasure to have you back again at #TweensTeensBeyond this week. Thank you. Nicky
Dad
March 17, 2017 at 3:58 am
At least she has made a good choice in terms of country to live in! In all seriousness, I’m looking at my 1 year old sitting at my feet as I type this, and I can’t even imagine the day she says something like that to me. Hopefully I can bring her up to be as bold as your daughter. #That FridayLinky
Heather Keet
March 17, 2017 at 5:08 am
I don’t have kids, but when I left home my mom and dad called almost everyday to check on me! #ThatFridayLinky
Then We Were Four
March 17, 2017 at 8:58 am
Moving away from home was something I wouldn’t do, I’m not sure I ever really had the self-confidence or social skills to be able to do something like that. My kids are still very small, and as much as I will miss them so much, if I can bring them up to have the self-confidence that I never had to be able to do something like that, then that would be brilliant!
#ThatFridayLinky
Navigating Motherhod
March 17, 2017 at 10:21 am
Is it bad I hope my daughter will move away? Even for a little bit. I’d miss her greatly, but the only reason I haven’t moved is because my mother doesn’t want me to, and all the time I wish I could! Its always fun to experience new things.
Maybe not all the way to Australia though… haha!
Great post!
Lisa
March 17, 2017 at 10:22 am
Oh Nige, this brought a little tear to my eye. Like you I dread the thought of my girls growing up, leaving and moving far away (they’re 14 and 11), but at the same time as much as it would break my heart, they do have to spread their wings and make their own lives. No matter what they will always be our babies and we will always love and support them #ThatFridayLinky
Sharon Parry
March 17, 2017 at 11:34 am
Oh gosh this made my heart ache. You are so right – we live in this bubble when our kids are young and then it bursts when they grow and we realise they will not be with us for ever. It is such a bitter sweet experience. I remember my Mum telling me, just after my eldest was born, that children are not given to you, they are only loaned and now I know what she means. You have obviously done a fab job of raising a self-assured, confident young woman. It’s just that with parenting, doing a good job often results in you getting your heart broken. Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond, we really value your support.
Laura Beresford
March 17, 2017 at 11:50 am
I can’t bear the thought that my kids might move far away. I have a phobia of flying so haven’t left this country in 13 years. I live 2 streets away from my parents and I love being able to pop round every day and they see their grandchildren at least twice a week. #ThatFridayLinky
John Adams
March 17, 2017 at 12:01 pm
I absolutely get this. My mother has always said she would hate for her kids to live “in Canada or Australia” (that’s a reference to the distance, by the way, not the places!).
While this won’t console you at all….just look at the UK at this point in time from the point of view of a 21 year old. We’re leaving the EU, cost of living is rising and there’s a very real chance Northern Ireland and Scotland will cease to be a part of the country in the near to medium term.
I look at my own kids and I wonder what the UK holds for them. I really worry about it. I’d hate it if they were a long-distance flight away, but unless things improve, I couldn’t question their logic. And there are worse places to go than Aus!
I probably better stop writing. this is probably exactly what you don’t want to read!
thanks for hosting #thatfridaylinky
Pippa Ashton
March 17, 2017 at 12:08 pm
Oh my goodness. Our children grow up so fast. I have such a close family and it would be so hard for one of us to live so far away. I understand your mixed emotions x
Pippa Ashton
March 17, 2017 at 12:08 pm
Oh my goodness. Our children grow up so fast. I have such a close family and it would be so hard for one of us to live so far away. I understand your mixed emotions x
suz
March 17, 2017 at 12:08 pm
I can so relate to this post.
Two of my children now live a 5 hour car drive away in London. I worry, but they ring me regularly. It will be worse if they have children because it will be hard to get to know them and be involved.
Luckily, my third child still lives ten minutes down the road. She has two children who I see all the time.
We all get together at Christmas/New Year and, like you say, the world is an ever-shrinking place.
Congratulate yourself that your daughter has grown up to be so independent and adventurous 🙂
#familyfun
suz
March 17, 2017 at 12:10 pm
I meant to put #thatfridaylinky – must concentrate lol.
kristin mccarthy
March 17, 2017 at 12:19 pm
Seems unfathomable and terrifying. I cant imagine. She is a stunning young lady I will say 🙂
#thatfridaylinky
Chloe
March 17, 2017 at 1:54 pm
Hi, it must have been a daunting phone call especialky went it finally sunk in later. It’s fantastic that your daughter has this opportunity. Australia is a long way away but a fantastic place #ThatFridayLinky
Anne
March 17, 2017 at 3:14 pm
First of all may I say how beautiful your daughter is. It must be really hard but at least you know that she is following her dreams. You will always be in contact and these days it’s so easy and cheap to keep in touch. I have two adult children that live at home and it would break me if they left the country but sometimes I do wish they’d leave home, they drive me nuts.
#thatfridaylinky
Caroline (Becoming a SAHM)
March 17, 2017 at 4:07 pm
Oh gosh this would be hard. I travelled a lot when I was younger and went to university, and it’s only since becoming a parent that I can recognise how hard that must have been for my parents. But you’re right, kids have to spread their wings and we can’t hold them back… No matter how hard it is not to! Xx
Helen Gandy
March 17, 2017 at 7:48 pm
I would hate it if they were to move somewhere so far away as I hate flying! To Europe, yes but so far away nooo 🙁 I would never stand in the way though, I want my kids to follow their hearts. Thanks for hosting #ThatFridayLinky
Helen Gandy
March 20, 2017 at 9:00 pm
Popping back over from #bestandworst
Jo – Pickle & Poppet
March 17, 2017 at 9:12 pm
I cannot even bring myself to think this far ahead yet, although I know that it really will come around so quickly. I know that I want them to do what makes them happy and see the world, even if it is tough for us. I travelled to many places but only as holidays as I am too much of a home bird and couldn’t face leaving for any period of time. It is such a hard situation to be in. #ThatFridayLinky
Brittany | A Mindful Geek
March 17, 2017 at 10:11 pm
I know how scary this must be. I live around 1000 miles away from my parents and even though I am 29, it still kills them. Stay strong Dad! #ThatFridayLinky
Beth
March 18, 2017 at 11:36 am
Even though it must be so hard to think of your daughter being so far away, I think it shows what an amazing daughter you’ve brought up, where she feels confident and curious to explore the world! We often think about moving away to enjoy a better quality of life but I think it takes an amazing amount of courage. #ThatFridayLinky
Autumn’s Mummy
March 18, 2017 at 4:05 pm
My little one isn’t even 6 months yet, but I already dread the day she moves away. It must be hard, but also so wonderful to see them spreading their wings at the same time 🙂 #ThatFridayLinky
Jaki
March 18, 2017 at 5:28 pm
Oh Nige it’s hard isn’t it? I guess it’s true when they say ‘if you love them let them go’ but my God, how hard it must be. Thank goodness mine is just four! But at the same time, how exciting for her. And what an opportunity. I wish I did more when I was younger! #ThatFridayLinky
Lisa Pomerantz
March 18, 2017 at 5:36 pm
Stopping by from #dreamteam xo
Helena
March 18, 2017 at 6:23 pm
Having family myself living in Australia I know what you are going through. #ThatFridayLinky
Jaki
March 18, 2017 at 6:35 pm
Back again from #TriumphantTales. Thanks so much for linking up with us.
Mrs Mummy Harris
March 18, 2017 at 8:34 pm
I think i’d be very similar to you if Ben ever expressed a wish to move abroad. I would wish him ever success in the move, but the mum in me would be devastated… and he’s only been around for ten months!! I must say your daughter is gorgeous!
Thank you ever so much for linking up to #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back on Tuesday!
Mrs Mummy Harris
March 19, 2017 at 6:25 pm
Popping back from #ThatFridayLinky
ohmummymia
March 18, 2017 at 9:23 pm
I don’t even want to think about situation like that. I live in different country and I know how hard it is especially when I want to see my family but I can’t:(
#ThatFridayLinky
Crummy Mummy
March 19, 2017 at 8:36 am
I would absolutely hate it and would rather not think about it ever happening! #bestandworst
David Shaul – DadvWorld
March 19, 2017 at 8:45 am
Great post Nigel. My sister has recently moved over to Australia so I have an idea of how you must feel. Not quite my daughter but still, the realisation of exactly how far away that place is…!
You have the right mindset and how you’re felling is completely normal. The fact your daughter has the confidence to take on moving to another country shows you’ve done well mate.
#ThatFridayLinky
Jade – Raw Childhood
March 19, 2017 at 3:41 pm
Myself and Kevin have discussed moving abroad at length numerous times and it is something that we have considered. I’m living in blissful ignorance with my own two.. at least until they are old enough #thatfridaylinky
Tweens, Teens & Beyond #3 – Mother of Teenagers
March 21, 2017 at 8:04 am
[…] It really was tough to pick just one but we all agreed on Nigel at DIY Daddy and his post Oh No! A Text I Never Wanted To Read. Nigel has previous experience of saying “farewell” to one of his older daughters […]
Sharon Powell
March 21, 2017 at 8:31 am
This made me anxious reading because this is something I worry about with my own kids. At age 22 we no longer can tell them what to do though can we? Good luck to your daughter. #TweensTeensBeyond
Peachy and her Mommy
March 23, 2017 at 3:43 pm
I don’t want to think about that. You are 100% correct in not holding her back but that doesn’t make it any easier. #ThatFridayLinky
Dave – Dad’s Turn
March 23, 2017 at 5:48 pm
It sounds like it would be great for her, but so far away from Europe. Not great for your guys! #ThatFridayLinky
Tweens, Teens and Beyond Linky #3 – After the playground
May 8, 2017 at 12:32 pm
[…] again it was so hard to choose the winner but we have selected a post from Nigel – Oh No! A Text I Never Wanted To Read. Do have a look if you missed it in the link up. It is an honest account of how a Dad feels when […]