Brilliant dad feature week 69
This week our Brilliant Dad Feature is Oli, a first-time dad to 8-week-old Sonny, and he is currently having the time of his life. Fatherhood has already been everything he had hoped and dreamed it would be, and he is absolutely besotted by his little boy.
You can follow his adventures on his blog The Outdoor Dad where you’ll find him writing, ranting and rambling about the wonderful experience of introducing his little explorer to the big wide world. Thank you to Oli for taking part.
1. Have you always wanted to be a dad?
To be honest, no. I’m 33 years old but have always felt a lot younger (certainly in my mind) and am probably a bit selfish with my time. I have a busy job where I work away a lot, I play competitive sports such as football and tennis on weekends and evenings, and I just never saw space for a child to be in my life. But last year myself and my partner Gemma moved to a bigger house and decided to start a family. We’ve been together for 14 years and it felt like the right time, and from the second we found out Gemma was pregnant I think we both wondered why we’d waited so long.
We loved preparing the house for Sonny’s arrival, learning everything we needed to learn about the pregnancy, birth and what to do when the baby was born, and most of all making exciting plans for the future. All the things I used to think were so important – work, football, going out at the weekend – suddenly became completely irrelevant to me. It felt like my life changed completely, and absolutely for the better, the day I found out I was about to become a dad.
2. How did you feel when your children were born?
The funny thing is, I’d been so consumed by my worries about the birth (I have an annoying habit of passing out at the sight of blood) and my concern for Gemma in the days and weeks building up to Sonny’s arrival, that I’d not really prepared myself for how I would feel when I first saw him. We didn’t know what sex the baby was, but in my mind I’d always secretly hoped for a boy, and when the midwife held him up to us that first time I just fell to pieces.
Sonny had been born back-to-back, had a hilarious cone-shaped forehead like a smurf and had a nose even wonkier than mine, but he just looked so beautiful to us both. The midwife dropped him on Gemma’s chest and he immediately started scrapping his way up to us both, snorting like a little pig. I think I cried for around half an hour without stopping, and didn’t stop staring at him for about a week. Everyone always says you won’t believe how much you’ll love your baby when it finally arrives, but it still took me surprise. I still find myself lying awake at night just watching him breathe and dream. He’s my little hero.
3. What have been your most rewarding experiences so far as a Dad?
Sonny’s only 8 weeks old and frustratingly still quite far from scoring his first goal for Liverpool, or winning his first Wimbledon title, so for now my proudest and most rewarding moments are just watching him grow and change every day – transforming from a helpless baby into a happy little boy full of personality. I’ll never forget that first genuine smile, the way he loves just lying back on my legs and staring at me with a big dopey grin on his face, and how content and happy he looks when he lies on his mum’s chest. We’re both just absolutely consumed by him. I also love how much he enjoys being outside. Something about the cool air and the different sights, smells and sounds seem to relax and stimulate him; and since I’m never happier than when I’m outdoors that makes me so proud. I want to show him the whole world over the next few years and decades, and I can already tell he’s going to make a great adventure buddy.
4. What are some of funniest moments to have happened to you as a dad?
At this stage, they pretty much all revolve around toilet humour, which I’ll never be too old to find funny. I’d been warned by just about anyone with experience of handling babies to never leave a nappy off for too long, but it still took a while for that message to sink in. As a result, I had my hands, clothes and even bedroom wall comprehensively pooped on during my first week as a dad, but the funniest moments undoubtedly came through Sonny taking pretty much every opportunity to pee straight up into the air every time we lay him on his back. He hit windows, furniture, the dog and – most memorably – even his own face a couple of times, and always with a cheeky grin on his face that convinced me he was doing it simply for the pure enjoyment.
5. Have there been any situations with your children that you have found difficult to cope with?
The toughest situation for me was going back to work. I could handle the broken sleep, with Sonny waking up two or three times a night, when I was off for a fortnight on paternity leave, but it became so much harder when I went back to work. At first I felt absolutely fine. I didn’t enjoy that 7am alarm, but then I never have done, and I was a semi-celebrity back in the office with people cooing over pictures of our new arrival. But it didn’t take long until I started to flag. I was tired and distracted, and constantly on the phone to Gemma. She has a great network of new mum friends thanks to the excellent NCT course we attended, and quickly busied herself with coffee afternoons and baby classes, but it didn’t take long before I felt left out.
I’ve always been extremely committed to my job, but I started to lose interest in the mundaneness of the office, and people coming to me with the same old problems and gripes. I found myself clock-watching, desperate to get home because I thought I was missing out, and eager to pack everything I could into every family evening. But eventually I realised the only way to start enjoying myself back at work (and I’m one of those people who’s always loved work) was to really throw myself back into my job properly, treating it as an entirely separate part of my life. As soon as I started completely dividing my life into the work hours and home hours, giving 100% commitment to both, I started to find the situation much easier to manage and far more enjoyable.
6. What are your dreams and hopes for your children?
This is going to sound like a cliché, but I just want Sonny to follow his dreams and experience as much as he possibly can of the world. I had a great childhood, with parents who encouraged me to do anything and everything I wanted. I tried just about every sport and hobby imaginable, went on a huge variety of holidays from package deals in Greece to camping in north Wales, and I loved every second of all of it. I hope he enjoys the outdoors as much as I do – everything from walking in the mountains and canoeing down rivers to climbing trees and building snowmen. That’s the kind of life I picture for my son, and I’ll do everything possible to make it happen for him. But I’ll be led by him and won’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to. I’ve always thought that if you’re passionate about something then you should go for it, and I’ll encourage and support him through every one of his adventures. And of course, if he fancies netting the winning goal for England in the World Cup, I wouldn’t try to stop him…
