Do fathers try hard enough to maintain contact with their children?
It
seems nowadays all I hear in the media is about fathers not seeing
their children. I believe no matter what obstacles or difficulties
are put in your way, you should always find a way to see your
children on a regular basis and never look for excuses to walk away.
seems nowadays all I hear in the media is about fathers not seeing
their children. I believe no matter what obstacles or difficulties
are put in your way, you should always find a way to see your
children on a regular basis and never look for excuses to walk away.
I
may sound harsh, but I will now tell you my experiences of how
difficult it is keep contact with your children, but I did it because
I love my children with all my heart.
may sound harsh, but I will now tell you my experiences of how
difficult it is keep contact with your children, but I did it because
I love my children with all my heart.
Eleven
years ago I split from my first wife. We had three children together.
I always knew it would be difficult to keep contact after the split,
but I decided from the beginning that nothing would stand in my way.
My
ex could be very vindictive and would make it difficult to see the
children. I decided to lay some ground rules from the beginning.
ex could be very vindictive and would make it difficult to see the
children. I decided to lay some ground rules from the beginning.
1.
They came to tea every Monday after school
They came to tea every Monday after school
2.
They stay over every other weekend – 11 years on and my son still
stays over once a month
They stay over every other weekend – 11 years on and my son still
stays over once a month
3.
I would see them all day Saturday, every week
I would see them all day Saturday, every week
4.
I would also take them to school on many occasions during the week
I would also take them to school on many occasions during the week
All
of this worked well until my ex decided it would be good to wind me
up with a new father figure for them.
of this worked well until my ex decided it would be good to wind me
up with a new father figure for them.
I
was lucky all three of them were so loyal to me and wanted to see me
as much as I wanted to see them.
was lucky all three of them were so loyal to me and wanted to see me
as much as I wanted to see them.
Many
fathers today just don’t try hard enough, but they’re quick to moan
that their ex is a pain. At the end of the day you’re allowed to see
your children. Don’t forget it! Your ex can’t actually stop you!
fathers today just don’t try hard enough, but they’re quick to moan
that their ex is a pain. At the end of the day you’re allowed to see
your children. Don’t forget it! Your ex can’t actually stop you!
Your
love for your children should never have boundaries and your
commitment should never waiver whatever the situation.
love for your children should never have boundaries and your
commitment should never waiver whatever the situation.
I
am so glad that I fought to stay in touch with my children. If I
hadn’t I would have missed out on so many magical moments. I would
have missed out on memories that nobody can ever take away and they
will always stay in my heart forever.
am so glad that I fought to stay in touch with my children. If I
hadn’t I would have missed out on so many magical moments. I would
have missed out on memories that nobody can ever take away and they
will always stay in my heart forever.
If
I had given in and walked away I would have missed all of that.
I had given in and walked away I would have missed all of that.
So
I personally have to say to all of those fathers who moan about how
awkward their ex is about letting you see your children – get a grip
and don’t walk away because that’s the easy option.
I personally have to say to all of those fathers who moan about how
awkward their ex is about letting you see your children – get a grip
and don’t walk away because that’s the easy option.
Some
fathers may decide not to spend a lot of time with their children
because they see that as giving their ex ‘time off’ and the last
thing they want to do is give their exes something, but that’s not
true because the more time you spend with your children the better.
It helps to develop a good father-child relationship which I feel I
have done with all three.
I
decided to write this post after my 19 year old daughter sent me a
text a few nights ago after reading a previous post of mine.
decided to write this post after my 19 year old daughter sent me a
text a few nights ago after reading a previous post of mine.
The
text read:
text read:
“Loved
your post on your blog! I do want to say thanks for everything you’ve
ever done for me over the years and your right i’m lucky to have you
as my dad, Love you lots xxx”
It
really made my heart lift with joy that she had taken the time to
text me such a nice thing.
really made my heart lift with joy that she had taken the time to
text me such a nice thing.
Now
I know all my perseverance in making sure I stayed in their lives was
worthwhile.
I know all my perseverance in making sure I stayed in their lives was
worthwhile.
3 Comments
BakedPotatoMummy
November 15, 2014 at 7:59 am
What a lovely thing for your daughter to do. You really are a good Dad to have fought to stay in touch and I'm pleased it's worked out do well for you all xx
Martyn – Being Free
November 18, 2014 at 6:57 pm
Great post. I went through a similar experience. I fought long and hard to gain access and then once all the petty games between us stopped, as that seems to happen, and we focused on the children my access slowly increased to the point that I am now deemed the primary 'full time' carer of them. I love it, took some adjusting, but was worth everything. It is sad though that there are so many stories about dads and lack of contact. It, I believe, is a shame for all. Alas though i still come across stereotyping. When my eldest was schooled and it was known that I was a single dad the glares and comments I received were outstanding. As well as hearing from friends about their e's not having contact through the dads choice. It's just so sad to see and hear. I decided for a long time not to re date after separation to concentrate on parenting but when I did decide to I received negativity for being a full time dad. "Why can't you be a normal single dad and see your kids once a fortnight? " I didn't understand it. But recently found that it is just the expected response to a separated dad. Society still deems us useless and uncaring. I believe that some fall into the trap of just becoming that stereotype. Which is sad.
Sadie
April 11, 2017 at 1:11 pm
I love this, as I’ve seen both sides. My husband has a very manipulative ex and he went through hell to maintain regular contact with his daughter. As a result she is now nearly 18 and still a part of our lives. My 14 year old son, however, has a father who has never even tried. I know for a fact he has spread the “nasty ex” line about me, even claiming to be paying me money (which wasn’t true) so people felt sorry for him and excused the fact that he has never been part of his son’s life. But I’ve never stood in his way. It baffles me the ease at which some people can walk out on their children, parents like you and my husband will always have my respect because you love your children enough to fight.