How Mediation Helped When I Got Divorced

The pressures of life today are most likely greater than they have ever been. Life today is fast and expectations of buying a home, having a family etc, can put a huge strain on any relationship or marriage.

When we meet somebody, of course we always think it’s for life. Falling in love, getting married and starting a family in all honesty is what most people want. Of course it doesn’t always work out like that which is what happened to me in my first marriage.

My first marriage ended in divorce and there is no doubt like a lot of marriages that fail, they can be messy and at times very nasty because two people who once wanted to spend the rest of their lives together can no longer agree on anything such as money, children and suitable access to the children that not only is fair for both of the parents, but more importantly the children themselves so they have solid relationships with mum and dad.

Sadly when you split up and ultimately divorce from a husband, wife or partner, it’s seems at times that nothing can be agreed. There are always arguments over money, children, in fact there can be disagreements about everything.

When I separated from my first wife it was very difficult. There seemed to be no compromise over anything, I was desperate to have dignity in divorce. I didn’t want my children to see us arguing especially with access for both of us. I have to say that this never happened while we were trying to sort out all the arrangements, whether that be financially or a fair deal on shared parental custody. After all, just because I was getting divorced from my ex-wife, I wasn’t divorcing my children, and I had every right to tuck them in at bedtime and make their breakfast in the morning. The little things we take for granted, but meant so much to my children and I.

There was no doubt that it was heading towards the courts to sort out the mess that divorce had caused. Then my solicitor suggested that a possible way to come to an agreement that suited both of us was mediation.

Of course finding the right person is not always easy, but nowadays you can look online and I was browsing the other day when I came across Marcia Mediation, who, if you are looking for a mediator that cares about resolving the issue surrounding a break up, they look a perfect match.

I have to admit that before the first mediation meeting I was sceptical. This was probably due to the fact that we hadn’t come to any agreement between ourselves.

Within five minutes of our first meeting I was made to feel relaxed and that somebody was in the middle of us seeing both sides and translating to each other our needs.

We had numerous sessions and on one occasion our children were involved so they could voice their needs and what they hoped for from us as parents. Hearing their needs in a controlled calm, peaceful environment made both of us realise that they were the most important people in divorce. Their needs were paramount.

Through mediation we came to a successful arrangement that was good for everybody and we were able to carry on with our lives in a happy good place and I have to admit we never looked backed.

Mediation is of course not just for married couples. It can be also used for unmarried couples, and those that are in civil partnerships.

Mediation worked for me so that I got to see my children grow up and I was able to form a solid relationship with my children and they didn’t witness their parents arguing over every tiny issue.

Are you having problems during a separation or a divorce? Is mediation something you have considered? If you have I would love to hear.

Disclosure: This is a collaborative post.

7 thoughts on “How Mediation Helped When I Got Divorced

  1. This is something I never want or, indeed, expect to go through but it looks like there’s a lot to be said for having someone who can see both sides helping out.

  2. I have experienced divorce myself, but mediation isn’t something we used (or the courts as it happened). I have heard good things about mediation and it certainly seems to be something that’s more popular these days. Anything to bring things to an amicable or at least peaceful resolution.

  3. Really helpful post – Having gone through some rocky patches myself and used a relationship counsellor I can definetly see how mediation would be really helpful to keep discussions constructive and on message.

  4. Working for a law firm I fully realise the importance of mediation -, particularly in child contact cases. It’s great that you are raising awareness because so many people don’t even know what it is. Thanks so much for sharing with #TriumphantTales.

  5. Firstly I’m sorry you had a rough time but it sounds like you tackled it in a really dignified and brave way. Everyone is supposed to try mediation in divorce but it’s more of a tick box exercise a lot of the time whereas good mediation can work wonders. well done you!

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