When Do You Stop Bailing Out Your Children?

When I was growing up I had very little. Money was always an issue. The truth is my mother didn’t have very much, and as the years went by I just accepted that what I was brought by my mother was what she could afford. The truth is I didn’t know any different, so I was always grateful because it was the norm to me. Being showered with gifts on a daily basis was definitely not me.

As a child, on occasion I got myself in a bit of bother, whether it be financially or something else. I was left to sort it out myself because I guess my mother thought that I wouldn’t learn anything if she just jumped in and bailed me out. In truth she was probably right. Not that I felt that I would actually learn by my mistakes, because I quite honestly never did. I have lost count of how many times I have made the same mistake twice and of course this estroys the theory of learning by your mistakes.

With my upbringing being one of learning by your mistakes, I always wondered when I became a parent if I was going to be less strict with my own children, or more strict? The question was, would my upbringing and childhood impact my decisions as a parent? Would I constantly bail them out?

The truth is, I was less strict. If they made mistakes I always felt compelled to put it right for them rather than let them learn from their mistakes. In all honesty I have constantly bailed them out of trouble.

Looking back this was probably a mistake by me because as my three older children have grown up, every time they’ve had an issue or problem in their life, they would instantly look to me to put it right. This isn’t their fault. Of course I am without question the one to blame. I made their life much too easy and there was times when I should have made them learn by their mistakes, but I wrapped them in a big bubble, and the reason for this is simple. It’s because my own parents did little or nothing to protect me so I felt it was my duty to protect my own children from the big bad world.

You would have thought that this would have made my children lack independence and not be able to deal with life, but interestingly it didn’t. All three of them are successful and very independent, and make very sound decisions about their lives. Well, most of the time! I always knew what sort of parent I wanted to be, and rightly or wrongly I wanted to be the parent that is always there to protect their children.

It’s my opinion that no matter how you approach the upbringing of your children, and let’s be fair, we all do it differently, but as long as you teach them solid life values, I don’t think it matters if you bail them out or let them learn by their mistakes. Of course that’s not to say that if they make a mistake, yes ok you may put it right, but they must know they have made a mistake and always know what the consequences could have been from that mistake.

So is there an age when you should stop bailing your kids out of trouble? Personally, I don’t think so. When you become a parent it’s for life, and after all it must be a nice thought to them that if something goes pear-shape they can turn to mum or dad for help.

Do you always let your children learn by their mistakes or do you bail them out all the time? I would love to hear.