Well here is a story which would be difficult to make up. Just when I thought my original family couldn’t leave me bruised and hurt anymore than they already have, they just have again, and it’s left me thinking that you can’t pick your family, but you sure as hell can pick your friends.
I have a biological brother that went to the other side of the world well over 40 years ago and it’s about 30 years or more since we have seen each other. We have had very sporadic contact over the years, and the last time any contact was made was via email some five years ago. Unfortunately for whatever reason we stopped communicating and that was that. I resigned myself to see my life out without any further contact. He left the family home when I was eight years old and honestly I have few memories of him. Before that I spent four years in Australia in my late teens/early twenties, and we lived quite close to each other so had formed a reasonable relationship, but looking back it wasn’t that close I now realise.
Saturday just gone my two eldest daughters phoned me to tell me that my brother was back in my home town. I would have to say that I was a little bit shocked to say the least, mainly because I was always under the impression that he would never return to his hometown. Now this is where this episode of life becomes totally bizarre and quite frankly difficult to believe. I’m struggling still to get my head around it.
My daughters told me that their mother, my ex-wife, was in the pub the night before, and was looking at this man and she thought to herself that she recognised him, but she just wasn’t sure from where. To cut a long story short it turned out to be my brother. She approached him and it was confirmed it was my biological brother, and they had very little conversation other than she was told not to say anything to any of his family about him being back here on holiday.
Now this is where this does become totally bizarre, and I’m struggling to process it. The pub that he was in happens to be the one I live next door to. I can actually see the beer garden from my back door. My ex-wife even told him that was where I lived. The conversation between my ex-wife and brother ended quicker than it started, and needless to say he didn’t knock on my door.
Apparently he is actually staying with somebody not a mile from where I live, and to this point nothing. No contact, absolutely zero communication!
How has all of this made feel?
Initially, I was very whatever. I couldn’t care less, but as the last few days have passed I have thought about it a little bit, and it actually hurts me. It saddens me that people can be so dismissive of their family. This is my biological brother, my sibling. Yes we haven’t been close, but we are brothers. I don’t ever remember falling out, upsetting him or being nasty to him, so why? What did I do to you that could make you not want to even say hello? It is seriously beyond my comprehension. I’m truly at a loss for words that you could not knock my door.
This was an opportunity that will never happen again. To see each other and say hello, and he simply didn’t take it. Sadly that only leads me to believe that he is not a nice person. My goodness, you were 20 yards away from my front door. I’m truly staggered, and still in a bit of shock. What kind of person does that him?
Life will go on and my life won’t be any less complete without what could have been a wonderful moment, but the chance has gone now. I will always wonder that once he knew where I lived and how close he was, was there not a little temptation to say hello, or was I simply dismissed as an irritation to his night out? That’s something I will never know. Is his head that screwed up that he truly believes that his brother is dead or doesn’t exist? I ask the question again. What kind of person does that? I know I couldn’t, but I guess that makes me normal.
All those years ago when my parents messed up three children’s lives with their selfish behaviour and the consequence divorce that followed. My brother neglected to remember that we as siblings didn’t get divorced. He made that decision. To divorce his brother and sister, why would you do that?
My thoughts finally are one of incredible disbelief and shock, sadness and yes I feel hurt, but that won’t change anything. If I’m entirely honest I don’t want those type of negative people in my life. I have made my life. It’s full of happiness and joy, and I pride myself on having wonderful filling relationships with the people that matter in my life.
I finally have closure on a relationship that I thought one day may have been repaired, but now know it’s done! I can remove it from my mind, and not worry about what might have been. Because it never will be.
So there is a tale that is not a story, but actually happened. Real life sometimes just sucks! I truly didn’t think anybody from my original family could hurt me again, but they just managed too. Thankfully I’m strong and determined that nobody will ever spoil or harm my happiness.
For all of that I have seven people in my life that I love more than life itself. My five children, my wife and my mother. I don’t need those sorts of people poisoning my life. Family or not.
Finally I can say good riddance, and I don’t wish you anything in life. You are dead to me. The door is firmly closed and it will never open while I draw breath. You are truly a pathetic excuse of a human being, with no love or compassion inside of you. In fact you remind me completely of the one person you claim to hate. You have finally turned into your mother.
I know you will never read this, but somebody that knows you might, and hopefully they will know the truth of the type of person you are.
Damm right it hurts! This is rejection on a whole new level. Biologically we will always be connected I can’t alter that, but on no other level will I ever have to be connected to this person.
I would love to know what you think.