My first few hours in a special care unit

So the girls have been moved to the neo-natal unit. Before I continue let me just tell you now that nothing could have prepared me for what was going happen next.

R was born first weighing 4lb and 3oz. Two minutes later, M arrived weighing 2lb and 11oz’s. I felt lost and helpless. The responsibility of my children was out of my hands. I wasn’t in my control. It was a very surreal feeling.

R and M were both in incubators. They had tubes everywhere. All I wanted to do was cry. My wife was in recovery in another room which meant she was unable to see our girls, so I was going back and forth telling her everything about our girls. It was the only time that I had a role to play. A purpose if you like. I was needed.

Time moved quickly. Our girls were born shortly before 3pm and it was already 5pm. I was looking at R and I realised she wasn’t breathing well. The consultant approached me to say that R need to be put on ventilator. This may sound silly, but at that moment I didn’t feel as though I was still in the room. It felt as though as my mind left my body. None of what the consultant said sunk in.

I just wanted to cry. My emotions were being tested to the limits. Never before had I felt so out of control and now I had to go and tell my wife. It was really hard because she couldn’t go and see them. I wanted to be strong for her, for the both of us, but I didnt want to worry her.

I spent my time between the girls and my wife. I spoke to family on the phone and my three other children were desperate to see their sisters. My wife’s twin sister, my sister in law also wanted to see her nieces too.

The same night our girls were born I arranged for my sister-in-law to pick up my other children and bring them up to meet their sisters. It was about 7pm when they turned up and I met them at the main entrance.

On seeing them all my emotions of the last few hours just poured out of me and I broke down. It’s so strange because I had no control over my feelings. It’s not something that happens to me very often.

Anyway, they stayed a little while and left around 8pm.

Around 9pm my wife was finally able to go and see our girls. Six hours after they were born. I took her to the special care unit in a wheelchair and it was such a fantastic moment. I stood and just took in all the love I was feeling from her for our two little girls. The visit was short and sweet as my wife needed rest and this is where I have to say that the NHS gets it all wrong.

Do they really expect to go home. 40 miles away and leave my wife and premature twin girls in a neo-natal unit. Especially after hearing that one was being put on a ventilator.

You’re having a laugh I thought! I told the nurses that I would sleep in my car in the car park. Before I knew it the nurses arranged for me to stay in the same room as my wife. Thankfully she was in a side room rather than being on a ward. That would have been hard for the both of us. To have been surrounded by women with their babies when ours weren’t with us.

I realise that the NHS prioritise babies. They’re the most important patients, but there is just no thought given to helping parents with babies on the neo-natal unit.

Our first day was almost over so I settled into my chair for the night. It wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, but to be honest I would have slept on a concrete floor if I had to.

I remember reading few stories online from dads about their time in a special care unit with their babies, but nothing could have prepared me for what was going to be the most emotional, traumatic time of my life.

In my next post I’ll talk about the first 10 days in the neo-natal unit before our girls were transferred back to our local hospital.