Sometimes I Wonder If I’m Getting This Whole Dad Thing Right

I have been the most confident person in the world, yet have always suffered from so many insecurities. When I became a dad for the first time 22 years ago it was scary, and I remember saying to myself when my eldest daughter was born that this is me now. I’m a dad, and will do all I can to never let you down and to always be there for you, and as each of my five children were born and I held them for the first time I said exactly the same thing to myself.

The truth is, I don’t think I have ever let any of my children down. However, there are times when it simply doesn’t go to plan, and honestly as a dad I didn’t get it right.

Why is that?

Well, because like everybody else and I’m sorry to burst my children’s bubble, but I’m not a superhero with super powers, I’m just a dad. Thankfully I’m reminded on occasion how special it is to be a dad.

The other day I awoke at four in the morning feeling very sick with a niggling pain in my lower back. Within half an hour I was being constantly sick and the pain was absolutely horrific. It was so intense. To cut a very long story short I ended up in hospital with kidney stones. The pain as they passed into my bladder was truly awful. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Thankfully it was all sorted with a load of morphine and anti-biotics.

I went to the hospital on my own and it wasn’t long before my wife and 20 year old daughter turned up to comfort me. Big aww! When I got home later I looked at my phone and my 20 year old daughter had text me “love you”. That really made smile, and feel very wanted.

Later on while I was still in hospital, my eldest daughter phoned to see how I was, and then told me she had taken unpaid leave to collect me when they released me from hospital, which was so kind of her. Although on the journey home she read me the riot act saying that I needed to look after myself better. Never thought I would see the day that one of children started telling me off!

This also leads me on to another occasion when my eldest was having a difficult time and came around to see me. I’m not going into details because that would be inappropriate at this time, but my children all know that I don’t sugar coat anything and I say it as I see it. Rightly or wrongly, it’s just my way. A while after my daughter left I received this text from her:

“Thanks for today! xx You really are the only person who’s makes me feel ok and safe if i didn’t have you I don’t know how I’d cope love you xxx”

When I read that, well I just thought maybe I did something right with this dad thing.

My son who is away in university kept in touch all day too.

Finally my wife went up to the school to get our six year old twin girls, when they got home, it was funny watching them come in and look at me on the sofa, but they both came up and gave me big hugs and kisses.

Everything happened in the space of a few days, and made me think that maybe I did get this dad thing right.

Little moments, make magical memories. That’s children.