The competitive nature of parents
Having children is the most wonderful and rewarding experience you could ever wish for, but why is it that some parents feel the need to compete with other parents on just about everything?
Here are a few things I have heard after having five children. I’ve learned to take no notice of them, but I can completely understand how some parents feel inadequate after hearing such things. Children develop and grow at their own speed and it’s important that we remember this.
1. I am sure we have all heard this one! When a parent says my baby has put so much weight on and is now on this centile line. It certainly has happened to me, especially when their baby is younger than ours. I’d tell them how much our girls weigh and and they’d give you that look of really, what’s the problem? Of course nothing is the matter, but you question yourself.
2. As your baby approaches a year old with no signs of taking their first steps, you’ll hear all about how their little one was walking at nine months! Some children just take a little longer getting there.
3.Moving into the second year, you’ll probably hear other talk about how much their own children are talking. Remarks such as, “Yes, he’s been talking since such and such time and your child hasn’t even said mummy or daddy yet.” How quickly can that make a parent feel that there is a problem? Believe me there is not a problem! I didn’t speak for a long time according to my mum because I had an older sister who did it all for me!
4. Once your child has got to grips with talking you then get the parents that say my child can recite the alphabet backwards and they are only eighteen months old! What utter rubbish! Even if other children of a similar age are doing more than your child don’t worry about it! Yours will soon catch up.
5. Food. I have found this is a great one when parents say that their child never stops eating. They’ll consume two courses every meal with snacks in between. Really, this worries parents as some children eat small amounts, but on a regular basis. Your child will eat what they want and need. Not all children are big eaters. Plus children don’t have the mental capability to starve themselves. If they’re hungry, they’ll eat!
6. Sleep. Now this is the one that’s reduces me to fits of laughter! When a parent says that their child sleeps 6pm till 6pm every night and has done so since birth. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are some rare cases of this, but in my experience of being a dad to five children, not one of them did it. If their children are sleeping through the night why is it that they are constantly complaining of sleep deprivation?!
This is just a selection of things that I believe parents are competing with each other over. I think society is conditioning us to believe that a child should behave in a certain way and that if they don’t the parents feel the need to say that they are.
My oldest J never crawled, but walked at 10 months and she never slept.
The second child E ate everything in sight and was a pretty good sleeper, although she still woke in the night.
My third child A would not go to sleep unless he was in my arms playing with my hair and he hardly said a word until he was two years old. He’s sixteen now and is still very quiet.
Finally the twins. Both R and M were premature babies so every milestone that every other baby reached meant that they were always behind a little. Three and half years later amazingly they talk, walk, have a full set of teeth and eat really well proving that all children catch up with each other.
So when you hear those parents shouting to the rooftops about how advanced their children are take no notice because usually it has been exaggerated just a bit in my experience!
16 Comments
Sarah Howe – Run Jump Scrap
August 6, 2015 at 5:54 am
Eurgh yep this drives me mad too! Thing is most kids will have something they are good at like you have seen with yours. My girl didn't walk until 15 months and never eats fruit! However her talking is ace and she's always slept ok. Pros and cons and by 18 we are doing it all ok! Lol 🙂 x
Something Crunchy Mummy
August 6, 2015 at 6:31 am
This is all so true and drives me potty! I'd add in potty training there. Not sure why there is so much competition – as long as my boys are happy and healthy that's all that matters! x
Janet Yarwood
August 7, 2015 at 7:28 am
Yep! My 13 month old is still only 16lb 8 with one tooth. I'm sick of people asking me when she'll 'catch up' – probably never but she is absolutely fine and doing great!
Rachel @ Parenthood Highs and Lows
August 8, 2015 at 6:31 am
I HATE competitive parenting. Luckily, I don't seem to know many in 'real life'. Either that or I've zoned out. All kids get there at some point. I had early crawlers and walkers, but late talkers & potty trainers – but they've all got there. It isn't a race! Thanks again for linking up to #SuperparentSaturday x
Hannah – Budding Smiles
August 8, 2015 at 1:08 pm
This really drives me mad! Toby is fantastic at signing but crap at sleeping, has a tiny appetite and at 13 months he crawls at the speed of light but is nowhere near walking.
He's healthy, he's (sometimes) happy and I couldn't care less what the comparisons are with other children haha
Great post Nigel x #SuperparentSaturday
nipperandtyke
August 8, 2015 at 8:09 pm
Yep! My 15 month old slept like the proverbial baby, but getting her to eat was a real struggle. She has only just started walking, but I was very relaxed about it – plenty of time to worry about running around after her once she has got the hang of it!
x Alice
#SuperparentSaturday
Bek Dillydrops
August 9, 2015 at 10:44 pm
I hate this part of parenting. I remember the sleep one the most as lots of people made me feel so bad about it. My son hardly slept until he was six months old then he slept really well. My daughter slept well to start with then when she reached one, she has struggled since. I think you are right though, all these competitive parents need ignoring. Every child is different in their development. #SuperParentSaturday
Laura (Mind Mood Mommy)
August 11, 2015 at 9:06 am
Yay! A parent talking sense! It drives me crazy that raising our children has become somewhat of a competitive sport. In everything! Well done for reminding us that it is not a competition, it is not a race and our children should just be cherished for whatever they are. Thanks for linking up again #SuperparentSaturday
john adams
August 11, 2015 at 7:23 pm
Very wise words and spoken by a man with considerable parenting experience. The whole walking / talking thing resonates with me. One of my daughters could talk really well, but took ages to walk while the other was the complete opposite. ALl kids are unique. #dadpostoftheweek
Rob Carew
August 12, 2015 at 1:32 am
So true Nigel. Kids move at their own pace and develop at their own rates. While it's important to track their progress, I always think it's better to wait before pushing the panic button on progress and comparison between kids is just silly in my books. #dadpostoftheweek
theanxiousdragonsblog
August 12, 2015 at 7:13 am
This was the bit I hated most about parenting. When my eldest was a baby, I felt very pressured by all the other mothers stories of what their sprogs were achieving. Luckily with my second I knew better to ignore it.
#bestandworst
Bethan Sian
August 12, 2015 at 8:17 am
Love this post. It's such a shame that there are so many competing parents. Every child is different. My eldest walked at 12 months 2 weeks. My youngest didn't walk until she was 15 months. And wouldn't put her feet outside until she was 18 months. Only now at 3 and a half is she kind of talking, still a lot of words we don't understand. She will be attending speech language school in September and is currently going to Speech Therapy once a month x
Helen Gandy – Beautiful Things
August 13, 2015 at 10:33 am
So true, I never really understood how people liked to comment on things until I had my first and then there were the constant comparisons! Thankfully I haven't had many comments with my 2nd! Thanks for linking up to the #bestandworst and for the support 🙂 Hope you'll pop along again next time! X
Mrs Tubbs
August 14, 2015 at 9:02 pm
This is sooooo true! All yiu can do is smile and nod. So your child can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Ain't that nice …!
Michaela YorkshireMum
August 16, 2015 at 7:32 pm
I totally agree with these points, especially the eating one. My eldest is super fussy and I hated people telling me how perfect their children were
#bestandworst
Grumpy Mum
April 6, 2018 at 7:39 am
I only know one person like this who is always comparing my baby to their own. To hear them talk their baby plopped our an immediately did laps of the room while reciting Shakespeare and painting a picasso. Baby on the other hand didn’t crawl until 1 week before her first birthday, walk until she was 14 months, and only started talking at 19 months… she is however one of those mythical babies who slept through the night really and rarely wakes for more than a couple of minutes.